If the current economic turmoil and high unemployment crisis made you choose between eating this week or keeping the internet on, you may have missed the story of Tyler Clementi. Tyler, an 18 year old Rutgers University student jumped off the George Washington Bridge and washed up dead. Why? During a sexual encounter romp he was secretly taped by his roommate, who aired it live over Skype. So what’s the big deal you might be asking? Was his form bad? Was he a fatty? Small dick? The “issue”, which should be a non-issue, is that Tyler was a closeted young gay man. We know that his family did not know about his homosexuality, and that his roommate was planning to catch Tyler on camera and stream it online a second time.
No one has come forward yet to tell us that they were a confidant of Tyler’s, we may never know what emotions or feelings were going through his head, but if he was like the any of the estimated millions of young gay men who are not out about their sexuality, Tyler was afraid, shamed, stressed and confused.
Rutgers, being in such close proximity to that liberal elitist homo-friendly and tempt-tatious New York City, should have a friendly gay scene. And, low and behold, Rutgers University has a history (since 1969 ) of many clubs and LGBTQ organizations. We also know Tyler thought his hookup session was going to be broadcast the second time; he approached his RA and started the official University policy to put a stop to what was going on. No one thinks his voyeuristic roommate had pure evil or homophobic tendencies, or that outing Tyler would be the factor that pushed him to suicide, but really Dharun Ravi, that kind of immaturity should have been left at high school, and even there it’s never appropriate. “Like, OMG, there are TWO DUDES KISSING, guys you gotta’ check this out! What homos!”
And three paragraphs in, here’s my point: To have a positive sexual health, you need to be mentally, physically and spiritually prepared to accept and live as who you are. That’s why we grow up. That’s why we have adolescence. That’s why psychologists are classifying twenty-something’s as “young adulthood”. According to Erik Ericson,
“The young adult must develop intimate relationships with others. Not resolving this conflict leaves the young adult feeling isolated. The young adult must be willing to be open and committed to another individual”.
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Faceted sensualist, sex positive educator & toy connoisseur, specializing in workshops, outreach & deviant behavior.