Since the 80′s have come and go long ago so if you are still rocking that 80′s overgrown bush between your legs I have a couple tips and tricks on how to give it a clean shave. This way your bikini will be looking oh so adorable at the beach.
Posts by BarbiexHardcore
Barbie Says: J is for Just In Case
This week I ventured back to a place I called home for about 3 years, the porn shop where Jane Blow and I had met. It’s a big warehouse STOCKED FULL of sex toys and pornos, they have anything from almost every walk of life. From the normal “oops it fell in my ass” to the stuff likely to be found in EuroTrip’s Vondersexxx.
While I stopped back to my old home I was reminded of how many times I would suggest things to people and say “just in case!” These idiots would ALWAYS shake their head no and look at me like I was being pushy. Then about an hour later they would slink back in and try to hurriedly buy what I had suggested not to long ago. Not to say I’m always right about what you need but sex is spontaneous, if you come home with a brand new toy, then you have to expect the unexpected.
Categories: Jane Says, BarbiexHardcore Says
Tags: condoms, just in case, Lube, massage oil, sweeten 69
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Barbie Says: I Don’t See What You Were Going For There.
Here we are again, back with more of the A-Z guide of sex with the letter “I”. Since I haven’t divulged into some of my sexual experiences for awhile, I’m going to tell you another bad sex story. Try not to laugh too much here.
I’m sure I have mentioned my Ex (let’s call him Tom) before in a previous post about anal, I have many ex’s and I do consider myself the biggest monogamous whore whilst dating them. But I continue to bring Tom up because, well to put this in the nicest way possible, he was fucking terrible at screwing. Seriously, it was just awful!
We dated for a year and a half and in that amount of time I had gotten only ONE orgasm. Tom is my prime example I use when I speak about listening to you’re partners. Knowing the difference between an “oooooh” and an “ahhhhh” which I have said before. It’s important because if you think you are doing better than you are at screwing us into a quivering mass of cum, then we’ll just start looking at you sideways. Here is a small knee slapper in which you can use as an example.
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Categories: Jane Says, BarbiexHardcore Says
Tags: body language, oooh and ahhh, Spanking
Discuss: There are 3 comments, add your take.
Dear Jane: I Used to Finish Before Her, Now I Get Numb!
Dear Jane,
I used to be concerned with cumming too soon. Now it seems the tables have turned. I focus on pleasing my lady and only think about cumming after she’s satisfied. By that time, my dick is almost completely numb. How can I find a healthy balance?
As a woman, I can say that seems like the best table in the restaurant. But not entirely fair to you; good thing I have a three special suggestions on my menu today.
A.
Is she slacking on you a little since she is so spoiled now? If so, turn the table on her a bit and ask for a blow job before you go down on her, and have sex. It’ll ease your mind about cumming too soon, you’ll be pleased from the beginning, and you’ll both be able to enjoy sex its orgasms.
B.
You can get something for yourself that will encourage your brain to remember about your own needs. I suggest a shiny 2″ metal cock ring. Yep. You can get one online, or in your local adult shop – if they don’t have them, they can order it for you.
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Categories: Dear Jane
Tags: arsenal, california exotics novelties, cock ring, jelle plantenga, numb dick, spartacus, Topco
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Weird & Stupid News: Dumbass at Citibank
It was tough to find anything in the news other than Lady Gaga half naked (as if to say that is news anymore) or about the BP oil spill, but I did manage to find this gem of a woman. She really is a big twat…TWIT, I meant twit!
Meet Debrahlee Lorenzana, not only is her name a mouth full but she is such a dumbass. This sweater jockey is telling the world that she was fired by Citibank for being “too attractive”.
The story goes that she was working in a Citibank branch and 2 of her male managers would approach her and say that they just couldn’t concentrate with her around. Even so far as to say turtlenecks were too sexy. I’m not sure if we all have the same definition of turtle neck here, but its that awful shirt you wear when your 14 and covering your first really bad hickey. Not exactly sure how that’s sexy but I digress. She received a job transfer and 2 weeks later was fired from her new job location.
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Categories: News
Tags: Citibank, Debrahlee Lorenzana
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Weird & Stupid News: Twitter Hacks NSFW
Through out my years, which happens to be only 23, I have discovered that I have no greater joy than watching someone else’s misfortune. An old lady falls and I laugh, babies drive their parents so crazy that the parents turn up drowning the babies in a car they rolled into a river….I giggle with joy. All too often enough though I find myself having to describe this scene to others and not doing it justice, but hackers have truly made this easier for me. Not only by hacking someone’s computer like the lovely MANY Miley Cyrus hacks and just exposing pictures to the internet. OH NO MY FRIEND!! Someone did one better and tweeted that shit to the world. Poor little Hayley Williams, which you know as the possible fire-crotch from Paramore, took a topless pictures and it got tweeted to the world.
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Categories: News
Tags: Hacker, Hayley Williams, itty bitty titty committee, Mily Cyrus, Paramore, twitter
Discuss: There is 1 comment, add your take.
Barbie Says: F is for FFFUUUCK
WE’RE NOW ON THE F INSTALLMENT OF THE A-Z GUIDE TO BANGING!!
For those of you guys out there who haven’t given a lady the kind of sex she needs, you guys should be aware that when we like what you’re doing a whole lot we let out the nice big “OH FFFFFUUUUCK!“ You’ll know it when you hear it cause we kind of drag out that f’s and the u’s. This trick of getting us to say that is to listen to us, know the difference between an “ooh” and an “ahh”, know which noises are good noises and bad hurty noises. The big difference is knowing the “RIGHT THERE!”
I know this an issue for you guys. Seriously, I’ve asked around and every single girl I have ever met who isn’t a virgin, had encountered this problem. It’s a fierce plague encroaching on all males around the world. This plague is known as sexual directional disability, or at least that’s what I like to call it. It exists only during sex when a woman yells “RIGHT THERE!” Something changes in a guy’s brain when he hears those words, all the sudden his dick is completely in shock and has a phobia of hitting that spot which was ohh so lovely. You could have been pounding on it for 10 minutes straight but as soon as we admit to liking it, you have got to find a brand new parking spot for you cock.
Sadly I have no cure for this yet besides calling all men dumbasses and beating them for it. I will admit to having slapped a guy for gypping me out of an orgasm. The only thing I will suggest is for us ladies to no longer tell men what we enjoy for fear that we will never cum again (but only this one time! Talk about it after so you don’t scare him away from the orgasm). Also men, can you really just even try to keep at it? It’s so sad when you get so close to a toe curling, white knuckle fist clenching fun and it just slips away so quickly. Even thinking about it now just makes me give the sad puppy face.
I would like to start a campaign now; men tell me please how to remedy this problem!!! I’ve done tons of research, well practice really, and I’m drawing a mental blank. THE WORLD NEEDS HELP!!!
<3 Barbie
Categories: Jane Says, BarbiexHardcore Says
Tags: orgasm, right there!
Discuss: There are no comments, add your take.
Sexlopedia: Blumpkin
Uh oh… this word is one of those “YOU WANT WHAT?!” situations.
Blumpkin: The act of a man receiving a blow job while dropping a deuce in the toilet. *note: this only applies to men if there were any questions about it*
I was pretty unsure about this one, so I had to ask a few guys about this. So while doing my survey amongst friends only a couple have received a blumpkin and they swear by it. The others nodded excitedly saying that taking the morning hop to the bathroom is comparable to a blow job. Not in the thought that it feels the same because clearly it doesn’t, but apparently it is equally as relaxing. They explained it as the combination of 2 releases at once feels “gloriously relaxing“.
I’m still skeptical but I figured I’d share it with you guys to get your opinions or at least get your wheels turning on some fun thoughts to mess around with. So let me know what you think and if anyone tries it PLEASE do let me know. I’m curious!
Categories: Sexlopedia
Tags: blumpkin
Discuss: There is 1 comment, add your take.
Want to Play Twister?: The Big Dipper
The position that lets you get sexy looking while getting some sexy time.
The more you do the more you can skip the gym!
Our positions might range from the “NO HUMAN CAN POSSIBLY DO THAT” sort of reaction to the “Hey I could give that a try”. This one is pretty simple. I keep seeing this exercise in chick magazines (and in porn), it shows you how to fix arm flab and it is called “The Big Dipper”.
Categories: Twister
Tags: dip exercise, the big dipper
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Review: Laya Spot
This weeks review is not exactly a review but a bragging of some sort. 
My all time favorite toy, my Laya Spot, which I’ve ever so sweetly named Layla. Not because it’s similar to Laya but because like the song Layla “has got me on my knees and I’m always begging for more”. Now I find myself bragging, so back to the original point.
The Laya Spot is looks like a funny shape and in some pictures it looks oddly large. I can assume you it is just a big bigger then a deck of cards, length wise that is. The shape was specifically designed for women, the outside is curved to the hand of a woman and the triangular underside is designe to fit snuggle in the lips of our lady parts. Again this sounds weird but assure you it’s not, it’s from Germany (Fun Factory to be exact) so therefore it is bound to rock!
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Categories: Reviews, Reviews, Toys
Tags: +++++, fun factory, german, laya spot
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BarbiexHardcore
Connect with Jane
Faceted sensualist, sex positive educator & toy connoisseur, specializing in workshops, outreach & deviant behavior.