Here we are again, back with more of the A-Z guide of sex with the letter “I”. Since I haven’t divulged into some of my sexual experiences for awhile, I’m going to tell you another bad sex story. Try not to laugh too much here.
I’m sure I have mentioned my Ex (let’s call him Tom) before in a previous post about anal, I have many ex’s and I do consider myself the biggest monogamous whore whilst dating them. But I continue to bring Tom up because, well to put this in the nicest way possible, he was fucking terrible at screwing. Seriously, it was just awful!
We dated for a year and a half and in that amount of time I had gotten only ONE orgasm. Tom is my prime example I use when I speak about listening to you’re partners. Knowing the difference between an “oooooh” and an “ahhhhh” which I have said before. It’s important because if you think you are doing better than you are at screwing us into a quivering mass of cum, then we’ll just start looking at you sideways. Here is a small knee slapper in which you can use as an example.
So Tom, who was about 6’4 and 200 lbs of muscle at the age of 22 (which was when we were fucking in case you were unsure), he was and still in A LOT bigger than me. Since he had over foot of height on me, it was kind of difficult to do a lot of positions, we stuck with the basics. The severely basic, because in all honesty doggy style only worked if I was kneeling on a mattress and he was standing up, otherwise I’d be struggling on my tippy-toes and he would be crouching down, in retrospect it is a funny image.
One night I was riding the ever living shit out of Tom, when suddenly my hip starts feeling tense and POP out of the socket it goes! (Random fact: my hips just do that sometimes, not really a hospital situation -more of pain in the ass, or hip rather.) Out of all the words in the dictionary all I could gather was an “OHHHHH FUCKKKKKK!” Which Tom clearly misconstrued as some sort of thought that he was the Greek God of sex. As his ego inflated he screamed out “YEA BABY!” and slapped my ass like he was putting out a fire. Due to my lack of balance since I had shifted my weight to the other hip, the ass slap actually forced me off of his cock (not something I give up easily), it ended with me on the floor clenching my hip and my ass, while giving a look of pure hate.
Not only couldn’t Tom tell the difference between an “ooh” and an “ahh”, he couldn’t even hear an “OW”, so this was an extreme case. But I warn you now that if you don’t start listening to your partner, or watching their body as it talks to you, then you might just wind up with an unfinished sex session and someone who is none to pleased with you. My advice would be to listen harder, and always think before you ass slap that hard.