My boyfriend loves the strap-on, and it gives me some great feelings of control. How do I approach him of my fantasy of him with a hot she-male (if they exist outside of porn) while he licks me?

Spareparts Joque Harness

Its cool that you brought up porn, because if you mix that with “hey, I had this dream that such and such happened, and it was arousing… I mean… if I had a real cock, that’s pretty much what we’re doing” … which could work in your situation.

But, there are people, possibly your boyfriend, who don’t follow female pegging to a she-male experience. They’ve fetishized the strap-on itself, what it is, and who exactly is wearing it.

Find out why he enjoys being pegged, instead of just you holding a prostate specific toy and prodding his prostate with it. This part of the conversation can easily lead into your fantasy since you’re being so honest with each other. It is a good idea to have this conversation before you bring up checking out your local gay bar for a hot threesome with a she-male because it is a good idea to find out where he is at first.

He could just enjoy that it is you with the power and the feeling of the pegging… but… he could also be hiding that he is into she-males and you’re doing an ok job at the fantasy.

Thing is, since you’ve started pegging him, you’ve had your own fantasies so it isn’t just about him… so going back to what I said in the beginning… ease it to him using porn/dream that you stumbled upon/had while sleeping.  It takes the edge off being in the spot light. Its not a far leap from one idea to this one, and he should be able to follow it. I don’t see any freak outs happening if you strike at the right opportunity.

You know him better than I do, you’ll know when you have your moment… just don’t be chicken, and take it! Talking about fantasies should be a fun part of any relationship and can bring couples closer if done respectfully.

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I’m trying to have safe Oral (the boyfriend has herpes, I dont) but no one seems to be talking about tips for sucking a guy off with a condom. Got any advice? Should I also avoid any mouth action on the balls to be safe or can I go there? He has no sores.

Your sex lives aren’t over.

Avoid skin to skin contact surrounding times of an outbreak and during outbreaks because herpes is contagious. It can be passed during any outbreak including cold sores or genital sores. It can also be passed during viral shedding.

During an outbreak: Avoid any type of oral, I’m finding it “can be passed from genital to mouth” but it isn’t common.  Wait till it passes, consider doubling up on meds (preventative) and avoid skin to skin contact.

As for BJ tips with a condom…

Try using non-lubricated or flavored condoms.

Add some lube, just a couple drops, inside the condom before he/you rolls it down. It’ll create a cushion of feeling between him and the condom.

Make sure your hands are lubricated (you can use any of the flavored lubes as long as they aren’t oil based) and your mouth doesn’t go dry to help the stroking motion.

After that, give him the BJ of his life. If he likes them loud and sloppy… then go at it. He likes them slow and sensual… then do that. Give him eye contact, if he likes it. Oral and sex feel totally different from each other, and guys don’t feel as much through a condom, but one thing that makes both acts enjoyable is YOUR want to do them.

Your enthusiasm. Don’t fake it and be porn-y… but rev yourself up, let him know how much you really want him. THAT is a turn on, THAT will get him off, even if his dick isn’t as sensitive because of the condom.

There’s a mind over matter thing he’ll have to get over, condoms aren’t the sexiest thing in the world… but they’re worth the safety (and the blow job)!

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My wife and I have been poly as long as we’ve been together. She wants us to go mono but I cant. How can I explain in a way she will understand I don’t know how to change this part of me?

You’ll have to tell her, just like that. You love her dearly, but being poly is a part of you she loved in the beginning and if she wants to be with you still, she’ll have to accept.  Just like all the things that make her, her, that you accept with the package.

There is a lot of talk around poly relationships and that they are just a phase, that they don’t work long term.

This is true for the majority of people.  There is a reason why Poly and Swinging is a sub-culture and not commonplace. Most don’t have the heart or skills to make it work long term.  Jealousy gets in the way and the “shiny” effect that new relationships have on a previous or primary one doesn’t help subdue it.

But there are other who make Poly work wonderfully.

For those who are truly Poly, life is just as hard filling the gaps of lost lovers, because the hardest thing to do is let someone go who isn’t fit for the lifestyle… despite how hard they loved it and tried it at one point in their life.  You’ll meet more like her, or, you’ll meet her in the middle somehow.

Talk to her about it, find out why she wants to go Mono.  Does she want to settle down, is it time for kids and she doesn’t think she can being Poly? Good ol’ religious guilt eating at her? After a few years of Mono, I’ve heard people reminisce and miss being Poly as well.  Maybe this is a phase you can pass through together.

Poly isn’t just about sex, sex is the easy part of it all. The relationships, making time, etc… it is hard work.

As you know, communication is key to make any relationship work, especially a Poly relationship. Have a dialogue with her, get to the root of the issue. There isn’t an off switch she just hit suddenly… there must be a reason why.  Find it, and work through it. If in the end you have to let one another go, don’t let it get ugly.  What you had was beautiful, it was just time to let her go so she can fulfill her other hopes and dreams in life.  Be happy that you both found each other when you did so you can open each other  up to different life experiences.

No matter which way it goes, good luck. I know these conversations aren’t easy to have.

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Hey I got a question , When i have sex i cum with in a minute . but i can stay hard after .. Is this a turn off for girls . Am i better off asking for a blow job and telling her to make me cum so i can last longer durning sex ? also is there something wrong with me or is it normal to cum fast?

I’m going to make a crack at bad parenting for a second, or ya know what? This could also be because you haven’t asked any guy friends. It was covered in There’s Something About Mary. But never mind that.

Ever hear the expression “Never go out with a loaded gun”?

No?

It mean’s masturbate before you go out to meet someone.

If it makes you feel better to have her not know about the first hurdle you have to jump so you can last longer in bed, then rub one out before you get to her. Everyone’s body is different, and you’re certainly not the only guy out there who after he gets that first pop out of the way, he can last for days.  You’re normal, it is a mind over matter issue.

You can train your body not to do it, but, I always thought the idea of more oral sex, or a guy’s ability to get off at least twice in a session was cool. “Normally” or I should say “Socially” you guys are stigmatized to only getting one orgasm.

What the hell is that?

Sex should be like a road trip, not a dash in the rain.

I always say “the more the merrier”, and if your partner doesn’t see it that way, enlighten her.  You guys derive such pleasure from getting your partner’s off, why not give into it once in a while and get spoiled too?  Work it INTO your sex “routine” instead of making it a big deal.

When you’re with someone new, tell her it has been a while (because you’re picky of course) and you didn’t want to assume you were having sex that night so the first one will come quick, but after that she better not have work in the morning.  You come off as a non presumptuous honest guy, we like that.

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How do I tell my girl, I am Bi?

If I was a guy (and I assume you are, because it is easier for a woman to say “hey I’m bi” to their boyfriend and have the relationship be okay) I would start with anal play with my girlfriend first.

After or If she is comfortable with HER doing it…

It isn’t a far jump to come out to her gently, and say that since you started being intimate and having her penetrate you, you’ve had thoughts of threesomes but with another guy for her and you because toys are toys.

She can either love the idea and be happy about having two men to experience without you being jealous. Or, she could feel tricked and replaced because you’re “gay” and you’re going to break up with her because you “don’t like women”.

Depending on her thoughts about the GLBT, and how she was raised, or how she feels about being something other than straight… it could go better than you think. Gender preferences are quite fluid as time is passing and for some people to “come out” it isn’t a surprise to their loved ones.

Start slow, and use language that says “both” and not just “gay”.  Tell her you love her (if you mean it of course) and her body, and women, and pussy, and boobs etc… and since she has been so great and understanding, and etc that you want to tell her a secret. That since you trust her, and want to be with her (that is, if you want to stay with her) that you want to experiment with her.  If you make it about the relationship and the both of you, its difficult for her to bite back at you and say “you don’t love me, you’re gay, thanks for using me” and those other hurtful things that could be said.

You can also start by asking her if she has had thoughts about other women, and say that women are different from men down to their plumbing (genitals). That if she liked women, you couldn’t do that for her.  You don’t have a vagina or boobs, and therefore can’t compare to what sort of sex she could have with a woman.  A guy being bi, is the same thing.  She can mimic and you can buy toys, but it just isn’t the same.

You know your girlfriend better than I do, and I’d like you to be true to yourself.  People who hide their sexual preferences throughout their lifetime end up unhappy.  It happens for people who like BDSM and don’t know how to express it, it happens in the GLBT, it happens to foot fetishists, so know with what you’re feeling, you aren’t alone.

It is like saying “I would have rather loved, than never at all”.  You should be accepted for who you are, and be able to be yourself. Sometimes it hurts a few people momentarily when they get “the news” but your happiness should be what counts in the end…hopefully she’ll come around to understanding that.  If the table was turned, she would hope the same of you for her.

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So… A recently acquired friend of mine was telling me about this guy he knows (they’re in their 20′s for the record).  His friend, although college educated, didn’t quite get the mechanics of how the body breaks down the foods we eat and they had a conversation that went a little something like this:

Guy: Yo bro, I’m going to drink so much milk today, this girl better watch out later! She’s going to need goggles!!

Friend: Wait, what? Do you really think when you drink milk, it turns directly into cum?

Guy: uh…

Friend: Just because they’re both whiteish, doesn’t mean your cum is milk… HAHAHAHAHAHA

Guy: :(

*****

If I was there, I would have told the guy if he wanted a bigger “pop shot”… to try this instead

1. Yes, drink more fluids, but that just helps your body anyway.

2. You want to eat foods that promote a healthy prostate, which creates the seminal fluid.  Celery, cinnamon, proteins, green veges, pumpkin to name a few.

3. There are even vitamins that people are taking to help create that Peter North, Glazed Doughnut, larger amount of come… shot.  Many xxx shops are carrying them.  I was skeptical, but a Stunt Cock of mine said if you take them over time (even as short as a week) you’ll see a difference.

The next time you want to laugh at a friend, try and hold it in instead, and direct them here.  I’ll save your friend some face, and you’ll both learn something!

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To say that I squirt when I cum is an understatement. I gush. Half the time it’s odorless, but the other half of the time the smell is really unpleasant. Do you know of anything that may cause that?

You’re right… every documentary, blog, informational site, peer review, dvd, workshop etc… in the last X years says “squirt isn’t pee and it doesn’t smell”.  But ya know what? Sometimes it does.  Here are a few reasons why it might… or how it could all be just in your head.

Don’t worry your pretty uh, faces off, just read this little rational list of what could be up.

1.  ”Squirt” gathers in the bladder.  What is happening is you’re G-Spot (aka the urethral sponge) is being stimulated and it is pushing fluid into the bladder.  When you squirt, it comes out of the urethra, not the vaginal opening.

If you didn’t pee before sex/masturbation/stimulation… there could be some urine mixed in… which could cause a smell.  It could be more potent if you don’t drink a lot of fluids.  The simple fixes to this are:

A: Drink more water.

B: Pee before sexual activity.

2.  What did you eat that day? Are you one of those “I ate Italian food today, so I’m going to sweat garlic for the next few hours” kind of people?  It might not be the fem ejaculate you’re smelling… it could be your sweat in the sheets too.

Don’t be a Diet Nazi, and take out stock in pineapples, just be mindful.

3. Speaking of sheets… not to go here… but if you’re smelling the bed… maybe it is time to clean the sheets, flip the mattress, etc.  Might not be you, it might just be the sheets.

Perfect excuse to fuck somewhere else!

4. When some people orgasm, they lose some muscle control because they’re lost in the moment.  You’ve seen your gal “throw up gang signs”, you’ve seen your guy make “O faces”. When women let go and squirt, it isn’t an impossible task to also fart while bearing down. Gas/air happens… it is part of life.  Sometimes they stink, sometimes not.

Laugh it off.

Also, I’m not a doctor nor am I telling you that you’re dirty so clean yo’ sheets.  Be mindful of the suggestions I’ve made, and see a doctor if you’re worried.

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My girlfriend has started to get headache while she is about to cum. Any suggestions? No, she doesn’t get one before hand. It’s when her heart rate goes up and she gets excited.

This happens for a few reasons, let’s go through the basics.

1. Are you on vacation, is the elevation of where you are different from where you usually are?

2. Is she tired? This causes headaches.

3. Is she hungry? Low blood sugar could cause headaches.

4. Is she stressed out or nervous about something you’re doing together or life in general?

5 Allergies, Sinus?

6… Lastly, 

Is there a history of blood pressure issues in her family? This is a serious cause which can be fixed sometimes as easily as taking an Aspirin a day or monitoring food intake. In other cases their doctor will prescribe some medication (which may make her drowsy or hyper depending on what she gets… which adds a different “problem” dynamic to life/sex).

If this is a new issue, try looking at ideas 1-4.

If the headaches continue and you notice (gym, walking long distances, physical activity, sex, sleep) other heart related issues when being active (shortness of breath, heart pounding doing easy tasks or light exertion, persistent headaches) then see a doctor.

Key words from your question if 1-4 isn’t fixing the headaches, then I suggest seeing a doctor asap and monitoring heart rate/blood pressure.

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So.. I’m just slightly too small for a magnum, it feels like. What should I get?

There are several sizes of condoms, but some words are hidden in the naming of the product from the companies to help differentiate their brand from others.

Fitted = smaller than regular. I’ve been told that Kimono brand condoms run small too.

Most condoms are “regular” if they don’t have any special wording on them pertaining to size (Magnum, Max, Fitted…). Usually the fun condoms are “regular” fit or “average” fit. This would be all the fire Ice, Studded, Ribbed, Twisteds… Extended Pleasure, Warming. Most Polyurethane, and I believe all Lamb Skin condoms are also regular fit unless it says differently on the box.

Large. Trojan has a “large” condom that is smaller than their Magnums. These don’t come with any special add-ons that I’ve seen yet. These are either really hard to find, or they discontinued them in most places. I’ve noticed the Ecstasy condoms are also a little larger than usual, probably because of the new fit design. Anything with that bulb up front (like the Twisted pleasure) will give you a little more room.

Magnums are larger than large in the Trojan brand condoms. Companies have given magnums the Ecstasy lube and warming lubes too… so be careful what pack you pick up.

And there are also XL Magnums and Durex XXL.

READ CAREFULLY! Be proud that you’re practicing safe sex and stand in that condom isle an extra 5 minutes to read the packaging carefully. That makes 5 sizes of condoms and an array of lubes and textures to sort through.

Extended Pleasure or Endurance has a numbing agent to help him last longer.

Her Pleasure has a stimulant on it – some tingle, others make her tighter (not always pleasant).

Warming – warms.

Fire and or Ice has dual lubricants on it – one side cools the other warms.

Studded & Ribbed & Twisted have texture on the outside of the condom for your partner to feel.

Ecstacy brand uses a silicone lubricant to make them feel ultra smooth, instead of the usual glycerine/water based lubricant. Silicone lube lasts for a super long time, you’re going to need soap and water to wash it off fully.

Thin or Bare mean a very thin condom – their opposite would be the regular condoms.  There used to be a clearly labeled “ultra” condom which was believed to be thicker than usual, but wording has changed since I’ve seen them on the shelves.

Some people who believe they are allergic to latex because of condoms – could be having a reaction to the lube ON the condom, not the condom itself.  Try non lubricated condoms and your own lube before you go through the expense of buying special non-latex condoms.

Non Latex Condoms include: Lambs Skin (Literally. They protect against pregnancy, but not STIs). Polyisoprene,  and Polyurethane (aka Supra, and also seen in Female Condom form) are popular for Trojan and Durex respectively.

Always pick a condom that stays on and doesn’t slide around, you don’t want that. If your condom is put on wrong, is too tight, or goes dry they will break. Stay well lubricated. A tip I give my clients is to put a drop or two (no more than that) of lube IN the condom before you roll it down… it’ll feel like a whole new world in there for ya.

If you have any more questions about condoms and sizes, don’t hesitate to ask (click the “Dear Jane”!)

PS Trojan, if you’re reading this, I HATE THE NEW BOXES. They’re bigger which screws up my entire display that hasn’t changed in over 10 years and everything is the same fucking color. People are embarrassed and confused enough by which condom to pick and now 4 of your boxes are gold/yellow? You’re all morons for changing the color coding of the boxes.

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I have become friends with a shemale on a social media site I want to avoid sayin’ something stupid HELP Please.

Girls are taught how to be girls; Later in life some of us learn how to become women.

There are two important things you need to remember.

1. We’re all humans before we are woman, man, female, male or born in the wrong body, and in transition.

2. The cat needs to be let out of the bag to some extent, at least once, so you can get to know her preferences and so she knows she can be open with you.

Treat people respectfully, and you wont have to worry about offending someone easily no matter who they are.  In this case, you go with what is Gender Apparent.  Gender Apparent means, if they are talking like a specific gender, dressing like a specific gender and acting like a specific gender… they are that gender.  Since you said you’ve met a shemale, use female pronouns and language.

ex) “Your hair is pretty today.” Not, “Dude, your hair looks more feminine today”.

You can avoid most blunders by sticking with common sense and keeping “Gender Apparent” in mind.

Unless, which brings me to point 2, if you’re wrong about her from the start.

You can tread lightly and ask in a sincere curious manner what they prefer. Most social sites don’t allow very specific click boxes and they could have just chosen “shemale” for lack of better words to describe themselves.

Ask about who they are, and their journey, and how they identify best so you can use better vernacular.  Just explain they are “your first” and you want to be friends with them because you feel they are awesome for rockin’ out how they truly feel. That you do not want to offend them and you’d like to know how to be a better friend.

I can’t tell you how to not offend your new friend, because I could be wrong too.  Therefore you can have one small chat about how they feel so you basically never have to do it again (if they don’t offer the info freely on an ongoing basis).

Ex) I’ve met GLBTQ (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Trans, Queer, Questioning–etc) people who prefer gender neutral pronouns (scroll down for the GNP chart). They would get highly offended if you would forget that THEY wanted you to use GNP for them; yet it wasn’t a part of my every day. But I did it, because, well, just because.  It became something I remembered to do, as if I was cooking for a friend allergic to onions… I’d omit onions from the recipe or make something different.

I’d be annoyed if I didn’t like to be called something and people kept saying it. There are MANY words people have given, invented, and identify better with to “label” themselves… and they are just words… but some have grown quite attached to them.

How we identify is a large part of how we go about our day – most of us – without even thinking about it.  If you’re male, you use the men’s room, you put on men’s clothing, it is ok for you to walk around topless and people don’t care if you don’t shave your legs. If you’re in transition, you have to consciously make these decisions until it becomes routine and you’re comfortable with doing them in being more “yourself”.

Having friends and people around you who accept you, as you, is important to us all. We all inherently want to be liked for who we are despite how we- our beliefs, attitude, sexual preferences, political views, attire- may differ from someone else’s let alone how society dictates it “should” be.

But… we’re all different, we’re all rebels… just like everyone else. We’re “only human” in the end.

Good luck with your new friendship, learn from each other, and just be yourself.  Like I said, in the end, we all just want to be accepted for being ourselves so the less emphasis you put on differences, the more they wont matter. Just… be friends.

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What advice would you offer to someone with a tickling fetish who is in a relationship?

I ask first, if you just like the tickling part? The laughter, the control, the light breath play, the could be torture. How childish it feels and that it is technically innocent playing around.  Or, if it is something you need as part of your sexual foreplay?

If it is just good clean fun, then tickle away, and hope your partner likes the game as much as you do.  Let them in on your secret and have fun with it.  Think of new ways to elicit a giggle or from the belly laugh with different implements. Feathers, felt, and find secret tickle spots never discovered before.

It could be a fun bonding game for you both, but be sure not to tickle at the wrong time. Me personally, if I’m upset or angry, telling me a joke or tickling me will not get me to smile again.  Likewise, if you know your partner likes to be tickled, don’t put them in an awkward position, say, at a family dinner where they will get mad at you.

Tickling when you’re younger, is a game of allowed touching that wasn’t pushing the person you liked. It is a way for you to get close to someone and touch them that isn’t going to put a person on guard. Instead there is laughter, bonding, some play fighting and smiles… which could lead to cuddling, and kissing.  There is a simple and easy connection between tickling and fetish.

This fetish can easily get annoying if your partner isn’t into it or isn’t clued into how you feel.  I suggest having a heart to heart… ask them about the things they enjoy doing that aren’t necessarily sexual but they find sexy.  Bring up foot fetish, and little things they do that you find sexy… like how their ass wiggles when they scrub a dish at the sink. How it makes you want to spank them or kiss their neck. Talk about how you find button down jeans hot and you can’t put your fingertip on how.

These “little things” are a good segue into breaking the ice for tickling… hopefully it’ll also help you get comfortable enough to tell them how you feel. I also hope it helps them as well, and come out to you about what they like. This sharing technique works to help couples bond.

I’ve asked “wow, what got into you?!?” before, and received a “oh… nothing” after random sexing sessions.  One of my favorites is referred to as “tooth brush” sex.  I was whining about the battery dying in my electric toothbrush and how clean it honestly made my teeth feel and pouted. Before I knew it, I was wiping up with a big post sex smile on my face asking what got into him.

He told me he didn’t want me to pout about the tooth brush and how cute I was about honestly being sad about it. That I sat back, and my hair flopped in my face in just a way that made him just want to kiss me and see my eyes instead widen while on my knees for him.  But I digress…

The little things are important, they help break the ice for other bigger things that you enjoy.  If tickling is something you like, you should tell your partner. For me asking what got into him, helped me appreciate my lips and taught me that a few looks through my hair could manipulate a boring night.  For you, the worst that could happen is that they think it is a little odd and ask you to explain yourself or say they don’t care for it. Make it seem interesting for your partner, and hopefully they’ll be intrigued enough to try it.

Most people are “pleasers” and like to know what turns their partner on… add reciprocation and I bet you discover new things about yourself and each other.

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How can I get my girlfriend to squirt in a very little amount of time?

Once you align the correct stars, it’ll only take minutes… if you prepare her correctly and she is in the right mood.

Squirting, aka Female Ejaculation isn’t a speed sport.

She must be turned on, she must be able to let go, and it helps if she knows she is a squirter and likes to do it often.

You know best how to turn on your lady.  Many things have worked for me … kissing, oral sex, and some specific finger work mostly… but your main target is to find her g-spot and stimulate it firmly. Be sure to trim your nails please.

The “come here” motion with your finger(s) tends to work, but I’ve found that a firm two fingers putting firm pressure in a sweeping/fucking motion works too. That Porno Pull-Up/Pelvic Bounce motion also works for some women, not recommended for all. There are also a few toys that are particularly good at helping G-spot squirty orgasms.

If you’re doing it right, you’ll hear her get wetter and her vaginal muscles will loosen a little. If you don’t know her signs of impending orgasm, tell her to tell you when it is going to happen.  Make sure you keep in mind what you’ve done to get her there.  Once she is stimulated enough to squirt, it is easier to keep her orgasms rolling … uh … like waves.

My stunt cocks said they’ve gotten a woman to squirt within …

10 minutes of getting naked, but they seem to agree that it can take up to an hour for the waterworks to happen. ^[1]. I have to admit though, as addicting as squirting is and saying you’ve done it fast, can be; ^[2] I don’t encourage the “how fast can I…” mindset for sex. Except for quickies.

Some women are “easier” than others in the orgasm department. There is a whole mental and physical process a woman goes through to orgasm. It is a combination of moods/thoughts … along with your patience/techniques.  Smells and even how you got into this position ^[3] could even be factors. Some women are quick with it, they can orgasm a bunch of times in a single session – some take a very long time for just one (if any) per session.

I wouldn’t rush the process, it is more fun and indulgent sometimes if you pace her into squirting instead.  To tease and thrust that out of someone is powerful for the both of you.  As awesome as being trigger happy can be, you might have more fun with it if you enjoy the process of getting there.

Plus, if you put too much pressure on the goal, you might never get to your destination. Don’t jinx yourself. Lastly, don’t expect Cytheria’s talent to come shooting out of every woman you try this with.  ”Squirting” isn’t always an accurate description. Fem ejaculate can range from a shot across the room, to a more than usual amount of wetness.

Either way, don’t forget your towel.

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1. ^[1] A couple of my stunt cocks have bragged reported under 8 minutes ↩
2. ^[2] Squirting is one of those sex merit badges; notches in the bed post. ↩
3. ^[3] Yes, I’m talking to you one night stands ↩

My girlfriend wants a pony–me! However, we can’t seem to find any places online that is a good store for pony play gear. Do you have any suggestions?

There are a few places I can send you to that I know of and some tips on how to get the effects and stick to a budget.  Unfortunately _______ play fetishists need deep pockets depending on how real they want to get.  Doesn’t matter which, but the bigger the animal and the more real you want to get, the more money it is going to cost.

BUT the gear is beautiful, and crafted well, and really helps you both get into the head space required to have a good time with it.  You’ll feel more proud as a pony in good gear too.

I’m not a pony player, but I did a pony girl photo set once (and I’m a gear slut – the more, the better) and there was SO MUCH gear involved. I had a really great time! /memories.

You can go straight to equestrian shops, amazon and dollar stores such for brushes, mats, riding crops, buckets and such.  You can also go to Home Depot for hemp rope to make leads, and I like to scout out thrift stores and the salvation army for gloves, vests and especially leather belts. They make great make-shift bonds, leads, lashes, thigh and chest harnesses, and with a little know how you can make your own hobble belt.

For the human items like tails, saddles, blinders, bit gags and even pony play shoes, you’ll have to go to fetish/bdsm shops such as Sub-Shop.com.  This is one of 3 favorite shops because they ALWAYS have a sale. This site’s newsletter is one I drool over some days. There is always Stockroom.com, and here is another fun site BondageFetishStore.

If you want to take it further and add anatomically correct body parts for toy play, you can try Bad Dragon.com.

Hope I helped!

Although not exactly Furry related or BDSM related, it could be helpful to others looking to complete their fursuits. This is just kink/fetish. For other Furry related posts, use Furry in the search bar.

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My girlfriend and I have found that she can achieve an orgasm by giving oral while listening to the song “Strict Machine” by Goldfrapp. It works every time. (I think it’s because the song makes her subconsciously super submissive.) Is this common?

I have a friend who can orgasm to the song Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon… I kind of envy her imagination.  It has been a while since a simple thought and my hands did all the work.

As for your gf…

Totally normal.

I’ve had objects turn me on, songs that get me going, phrases that make me wet.  I’ve been far from orgasm and had a few “sweet nothings” whispered to me through clenched teeth and I was over the edge instantly – and completely surprised.  Many other people have said it to me as well.

You brain is quite the sex organ and when you get it going on a path, it’ll make up the rest on its own.  Take a more extreme example, Mind Fucking.  You essentially “trick” your partner into thinking you’re going to do something they don’t like – but don’t do it. Mind Fucking is like bringing someone to the edge of a cliff, pushing them, but holding onto their pants last minute.  They’re going to scream, cry, beg… be thankful, and then punch you in the face. The terror, is exhilarating, arousing.

Same thing goes for her brain and the song, it must be “speaking to her” because she makes everything else besides the blow job and the song go away. It also seems like she is hinting at you that she likes to be submissive, even if subconsciously.  Try using your own dirty words.

Have fun with it, find other songs. Maybe even get an mp3 player friendly vibrator like the stuff from OhMiBod.

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I’m in lust with one of my best friend’s boyfriend; I have a sneaking suspicion he wants inside of me. IF I were a terrible friend and wanted to sleep with him, how would I go about inquiring if he and I are on the same page?

Well, sounds like you’re asking permission to do something you are going to do anyway, so I’m going to approach this like this:

First

I’d examine your friendship and figure out if it is all worth it first.  Think about WHY you want to sleep with him.

Is your boyfriend being a dick lately so sleeping with someone who treats their girlfriend “the right way” will make you feel like you are sticking it to your guy?

Are you single, and um, it has been a while? You like him, trust him, and your BFF constantly says he is a good lay?

You liked him before your BFF started dating him so you’re stuck with “Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda” feelings?

Do you even consider her an actual best friend, did she slight you?

Hell, you could just like the thought that he might want to see you naked.

Would you follow through if he said yes, or are you looking for a justification for if you’ve “still got it” ?

Maybe you like the drama, the scandal.  There is no rush like doing something you’re not supposed to.  Sort of like defying gravity and jumping out of a plane.

I don’t know, I don’t know you or your friend’s situation; But I do know you should probably think about all that first before you jinx yourself and lose your friend crew.

But, like you said, IF you were a terrible friend… it should probably go down like this…

Second

If you know him to be a cheater, this is a convo best had in person, likely drunk, and in a hypothetical tense.

Flirt. You’ll have to do the subtle dance of seeing if he wants to put it in ya and not pissing off your friend. See what happens.

Don’t press the issue, if he takes the bait you’ll know it.  If not, drop it like it never happened.

In person, there is no proof if he turns it around on you.  No txticle proof, emails, phone calls.

Third

Just remember, you can’t take it back.  And, this never ends pretty.  But you’re an adult, you can make your own bed, dig your own hole IF you were a terrible friend.

IF you’re going to try and sleep with him, do it.  He might start feeding your BFF shit about what an asshole you are if you don’t.  Or maybe he wont, because it’ll expose him too.  Men like rejection as much as women do.  Also, know he’ll probably tell a few of his friends.

There’s always the idea of a threesome.  Your BFF might be hearing how cute her friends are, and it seems like every dude wants one before he dies.

All in all, good luck, I wouldn’t do anything that would fuck up an honest friendship.  There are people out there I would have loved to bed and didn’t.  But I’m not perfect either, I’ve single-handedly broken up at least two or three friend circles I was in because of something like this. I just had to go there, had to see.  There are better ways to do this, like, wait till they break up at least. Anywho, personally, this is not a dynamic I’d soon try again.

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I only see Cougars (who I differentiate from MILFs) when they come to my store to restock their sex toy pantry.  I’ve never personally hunted one or hunted with one. BUT… The 3 Stunt Cocks I asked have, and this is what they have to say.

My Infamous Pervy Friend (aka MIPF): Had this special get up he put on, which made it extremely easy for him to get all sorts of laid – whether he was going for Spring Chickens or Cougars. It is a cheat because some women want to notch their bed post with one of his kind.  To which he says, “It helps as a deal sealer, so don’t be a braggart.  Humble confidence is key when you have a cool job”.  He equates Young Drunk Party Chick Types to Cougars on the Prowl… they’re out for something.  Younger women need the alcohol and Cougars on the Prowl have a one track mind but still have their wits.

So in the end, although helpful, he doesn’t count.  Unless of course, you’re also one of those guys.  In this case, don your uniform or make sure the convo touches on what you do for a living.

Mr. Monstar: Gave me a quick guide that can be applied to most women, but he says the key to Cougars is,

“When you talk to one you have to be confident because they’re predators. You have to show them that you can handle what they have.  He says go where they are, there’s always a few hang outs/bars/locations where it is known Cougars like to use as hunting grounds.  You can’t use the bullshit you sling at younger girls, because they know the deal and heard all the bullshit before.  Usually they’re pretty honest about what they’re intentions are and it’s almost never a relationship.  In bed a Cougar will always teach you something new so take it as a learning experience too.”

He continues to say, “It is flirting… you get the point. You can bring a friend because some Cougars are in packs.  And that is basically it, you either have it, or you don’t.”

All in all, Mr. Monstar relies on confidence and the amazing game of Flirtation.

But the most revealing account, came from Stunt Cock #3 I’m Not Drunk, I’m Awesome (aka INDIA). He has infiltrated a few Cougar Dens, and just this weekend went out to test his skills for the purpose of this post.  I hope to follow his progress and report back to you.  Read what he has to say:

“Cougars: The Prey That Preys Back…”

One may think that a Cougar is doing the hunting in a scenario. I would argue that it is more like a playful battle of wits between peers. Contrary to popular belief cheesy pick up lines and inexperience will still lose you this game.

In order to better understand let me give you examples of how the normal early 20’s “prey” works:

1. They are usually tight knit and require elaborate schemes to separate them from their herd. Usually requiring a group to diffuse and confuse.
2. They are not confident enough in themselves as their friend’s opinions will be swift and judging; actually affecting their choices of whom they do go home with. Ironically still often making the worst decisions as they tend to go for older and wiser men, giving themselves less of an edge.
3. Less is more and flashiness helps. Being witty and fun is all well and good; however talking to your intended nighttime companion should be short sweet and to the point. Speaking with her friends is better and suggestive physical contact at the right moments is needed to keep her confused.

There are many other things to discuss but those are a few I would like to discuss compared to a true Cougar:

1. They are not as tight standing with their pack while out, they will leave openings to maximize contact (as in for you to stand with them).
2. They care less about appearing as a whore to their friends. You can pass the basics by having the following: Your own place (rented or bought), a job, and carry yourself well. These are what a Cougars wants. They don’t want a man who knows less about sex than they do so they rarely pick early 20′s. This can be ignored only if the Cougar wants the young guy to have more to lose than them, or a deep seated high school esteem issue/Divorce issue (I’m speculating).
3. Suggestive contact is necessary here as well, but most of all you have to appear as a man. The contact is no longer used to confuse, it is done to inform of intent. Remember College girls date boys. Cougars sleep with young men/ Men.

Looking at the above, a Cougar is working with you while a younger woman will not. They have the same goals but have different needs. You still have to set yourself aside from the pack. Very aggressive works on younger women more so than a Cougar. They want subtlety. They want the dance.

A quick look into how a Cougar sees you. I infiltrated two Cougar Dens Memorial Day weekend and they are wonderfully candid about the things they think.

One woman was quoted as calling young men age 27 and younger as “Chickens”. Judging from her reference of an older man as “Steak”, I find the connotation negative but still desirable. This particular woman has spent many a night with “Chicken” and she knows her prey well. She simply attacks at the end of the night and requires no attention other than to be entertained. You do not spend all of your time on this style cougar. You allow her to be entertained and then you retreat. She is more… guerilla warfare. You want to be there when she is deciding what her options are. She however does not need your constant reassurance or attention.

(Jane: He finishes with a note to you all… man, boy, woman, chicken, steak, cougar…)

I have touched many points on a complicated topic. I hope to hear your feedback.

Yours, I.N.D.I.A

So, there ya have it folks.  Have a job, have confidence, and be interesting.

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If one has lost some sensitivity from masturbating too much, how could one gain that sensitivity back? And maybe ween themselves off of the hand a bit?

First off, what is “too much”?

A few times a week? Every day? 10x a day? Don’t leave your house?

Answer:

It really shouldn’t matter unless masturbation is affecting you like a symptom of obsessive compulsive disorder.  Masturbation is fine and dandy but you’re concerned with “over doing it” and gaining sensitivity back.

You’re just as sensitive as you were, you’ve just worked up a tolerance it seems.  It is a common myth to think you can “rub out sensation” during masturbation.

To gain back “sensitivity” you’ll have to slow down.  If you’re at it 5x a day, try for just once.  If you’re an every day person, try every other if you want to change.

What you’ve done is trained your body to expect the stimulation and got into a pattern or habit.  You’ve also come to lean on one way of masturbating it seems and now your body knows what is going to happen – it just needs a little de/re-conditioning.  Try to mix it up: use a vibe, maybe running water or a different hand, even rub yourself differently or through panties.  Find different things your body likes and rotate before you go back to exactly what makes you orgasm.  Essentially, tease yourself, don’t be a lazy McDonalized masturbater.  Nothing wrong with it essentially, but you’ve asked me for a “change”.

You’ve conditioned it to be spoiled basically, it takes longer for you to reach orgasm I bet? And you can likely have a few orgasms before you’re vulva is super sensitive? (Yep, I’ve assumed you’re female because men don’t usually mind lasting longer and get duller the more they beat up their dicks, which can help them last longer during sex.)

Same thing happened to me, so I kept getting more intense.  I now can do an hour on and off with a Hitachi magic wand.  I need several orgasms to feel even remotely satisfied. I basically put myself into a masturbation coma or I’ll end up calling someone in my black book to finish me off for good because JUST a vanilla masturbation session isn’t enough for me personally.

BUT, I don’t feel guilty about it, I instead set the time aside to do myself properly (and incorporate other toys along with my hands).  When I feel I’m getting “lazy,” I’ll stop watching porno and read erotica instead and use my hands.  Or I’ll take a fantasy into the shower with me and waterbate.

Don’t get me wrong here — there are things my body just doesn’t like, for example “buzzy” vibrators are toys I refuse to use. Another extreme change I tried was to get attached to The Wahl because it was a deeper vibration and more intense than the Hitachi, but in the end it just didn’t work for me.  I never masturbate the way I don’t like to when I want to de/re-condition, I do other things I enjoy or I stop for a few days.

The only other thing I have to say about this is … SO WHAT, you masturbate, you should enjoy it – not feel weird.  You probably aren’t obsessive compulsive, and your friends don’t masturbate like you or talk about it if they did so you feel “weird”.  You aren’t weird.  You like what you like, and it just takes a little longer to get off, slow down and enjoy the anticipation of orgasm.

Masturbation is a safe way to explore yourself, what you like, how you enjoy being touched, and how to do so.  Take a personal day, keep looking for new exciting things and indulge… I do from time to time!

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Why is it so hard sometimes to get past one’s ego and pride and fully commit to being submissive? Think I worded that right.

I think I understand what you’re asking.  You want to know how to get past how you assert yourself in the “real world” so you can let go in your “play world”.

Our momma didn’t raise no fool, we’ve been taught to stand out, be proud, don’t sell ourselves short and “be a man”.  Be a proud confident, doesn’t take your shit, woman.  Be the lion, not the lamb.  We were taught to go for the gold, never back down, be up for a challenge and not to hit women.

What you’re forgetting is that the submissive HAS the power, not the Dominant in a  Power Exchange.

Letting go comes with practice and trust.  To help, you can talk about it with your partner (whether you’re dating them, a fuck buddy, or a play partner).  Set up things you want to do… and then do them or have them done to you.  Then afterwards, have a debriefing session to talk about how to make it better or more comfortable (aka After Care).  It’ll help you know what’s coming and allow you to believe you set it up.  After  a few sessions like this, you’ll trust your partner more to wing it.

They’ll know what you like and how you react to what they’re doing or saying… and you’ll be able to let go more.  Establish a safe word and then it should be game on.

Submissive, in this sense, doesn’t mean weak.  It also doesn’t mean “follower” or  incapable.  You should be proud that you can let go and enjoy yourself.  Being a submissive is indulgent I feel.  You rule your world by day (even if you don’t), and you rule it by night.

True submissives are usually great organizers, wonderful people, and not any different from any other person on the street.  Submissive-Submissives are the ones who give “us” a bad name.  They’re the weak minded, weak people who don’t think they can do anything.  They’re malleable, in danger, easy prey, and need help, not BDSM.

Being taken into subspace and being able to drift around in your senses is quite amazing… it is like flying without the fear of dying.  Putting your ego in the back seat can be an adjustment, but it is worth it.  Dominants experience a similar euphoric state, but it isn’t the same from what I know.

You have the power to let go all of the bullshit in your life for a few hours and take mini vacations from making decisions and worrying.  I know being naked in front of someone else and being told to do things is quite an adjustment when your brain is saying “Hey, wait a minute, this is a bit humiliating, stop!” But that is partly because of the “shame” we’re also taught.

We’ve learned anything “not normal” or “deviant” is wrong.  Sex is dirty. You were taught to be better than this.  Guess what? There is nothing wrong with you, and shaming is wrong and a little humiliation is exciting, humbling and fun.  Tell your brain to shush and jump… you’ll be happier. I promise.

<3 Jane

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Flexi Felix by Fun Factory

Anal beads are a good toy for creating a new sensation.  Many anal beginners use butt plugs or fingers or other anal safe toys to prep the body for a larger insertion; sometimes a bigger plug for that ‘full’ feeling.  Anal beads are inserted one by one with lubricant and then pulled out to create a “popping” sensation.

They can be pulled out as slow as you’d like, but never pull them out very fast.

Never buy anal beads with string. They can break, and are not body safe - we have come a very long way from bacteria collecting disgusting cheap toys.  Try something fully silicone so you can disinfect it, like the Flexi Felix depicted above.  It’s silicone is soft to squeeze but firm to stand up to the pulling.

Lube them up and slide them over your partner’s asshole first, warm up the area, insert them one at a time, teasing, and checking in to make sure they want more.  Touch a vibe to the beads, and the surrounding genital area.  Have fun with them.

You have two anal sphincters, the outter ring of muscles YOU can control.  The inner ring of muscles your body controls.  Your asshole is very sensitive, it has many nerve endings, and it is easily tared if you don’t take proper warm up precautions.  Around the asshole and gouch is erectile tissue that engorges when you are turned on making it even more sensitive.

This is part of the allure of anal play.

Some say it feels “taboo” or “dirty” or “forbidden” … others are excited because they feel anal is more intense for them.

Anal beads slipping in give a different sensation than pulling them out (preferably during plateau/orgasm).  They bunch inside of your body and rub sensitive tissues (they could even rub a man’s prostate).

As with any anal play, make sure you do some cleaning prep.  Keep your nails short, use a sufficient amount of lubricant and have patience.  Anal play shouldn’t hurt at all, and if it does, you are doing something wrong.

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What’s a nice way of telling a girl that you are not into the whips and chains stuff.

I like this question a lot.  I so often get the reverse of this question that I’m almost tired of answering it.  The reverse, if you’re wondering, are people who ask me how to tell a partner they enjoy rougher sex or play.  They enjoy being kinky and don’t know how to bring it up to their partner.

The easy answer to this question is to talk with them and say you aren’t interested, but how do you say that nicely (as in, not have them feel rejected or give the impression you’re calling them weird) without sounding like a wimp?

Thankfully, since S&M is so mainstream… thanks Rihanna for bringing it up, yet again.  She is only on the long line which includes (but isn’t limited to) Madonna, CSI, Pulp Fiction, Nine Inch Nails, Anne Rice, Nickleback, Secretary, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Rammstein, Christina Aguilera, and even Desperate Housewives.  It isn’t like you don’t know what it is or could entail and if you like it or not.

Kick off the conversation by saying that you don’t find the whips and chains stuff fun.  That you would rather just have intense sex, oral sex, maybe some role playing without the extra props, bells and whistles.  You understand it turns her on, but it doesn’t do much for you, that she is plenty enough.

She might say something like “well, try it for me”. If you’ve never done it before, why not spank her and call her a dirty bad girl for one session to see if it at all excites you on a “doing it” level and not just a “thinking about it” level.

If it doesn’t appeal to you what-so-ever, and you’ve tried it, and it wasn’t your thing, then say so.  Tell her you’ve experienced it, and it just wasn’t for you.  It was interesting, but it didn’t excite you the way it does her.

After that, you’ll have to find some middle ground in the relationship and see if you’re sexually compatible and if it’ll affect the rest of your relationship.  When a person truly needs something in their life, it is difficult for them to not get it.

This is on every level.  If you’re allergic to coconut, she’ll want more coconut in her life.  If she is allergic to cats, and everyone you know has a cat, you’ll really want a cat.  If she really needs whips and chains in her life, you’ll have to work something out or it wont work in the long run.

Resentment builds, someone wont feel satisfied, and on it goes.  I don’t “doom” relationships ever, but sex compatibility is often a toughy to work with.  Do you let her play with people who do in hopes she is an Ethical Slut and will stay with you? Do you break up? Do you find compromise in some of the Slap & Tickle practices that involve whips and chains?

It is entirely up to your comfort level and how invested you are with a partner.

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