If you just want tips, look after the cut.
I believe we truly learn through trial and error. We can be taught, we can watch other’s, but one doesn’t fully grasp the task till, well, it is in their hands and they accomplish it on their own.
Watching my mother I learned some skills cooking, but when I took the reigns that is when the true lessons started. I know a lot about car problems, how? I have mechanics in my family, yes, but I’ve driven a few clunkers and can identify problems by sound, smell and feel. I fell plenty of times learning how to ride a bike, I got up, adjusted, and kept going.
No one taught me about sex. They sure did warn me though.
I watched Discovery, National Geographic and secretly Playboy; because my cousins made a big deal about NOT watching it when they learned we had the chanel (thank you cable). This was well before I received any official ”talks” from family or school. I had the knowledge that sex made babies, if you as much as kissed someone, you could die or have a stinky diseased death trap vagina, and that if a man sticks his head between a woman’s thighs she moans… loudly.
Hm. Babies are, eh, they can be stopped with condoms (thank you sex ed). But that stinky vagina thing had me irked; on Playboy they seemed to be having A LOT of fun. Curious, and curiouser… I touched myself there. First with my hand, then I found running water. THAT WAS AWESOME… but I didn’t know what it was called (therefore I invented it, and told NO ONE).
I didn’t have internet till I was 12 (1996?) And just a few years later I started having sexual relationships. That’s when all sorts of stunning revelations started happening. This sex thing wasn’t so bad, at all. It was in fact, the best thing ever. I didn’t have the vocabulary, but the internet was a good teacher. My friends and I were clueless and would share trouble shooting ideas with one another.
Thing is, when you get advice from your peers… it isn’t always true. I’ve been told I couldn’t get pregnant if I was on top. I’ve been told spit is all you need for anal sex… I’ve been told A LOT of Bad Sex Advice. Yesterday I made a spectacle of #BadSexAdvice on twitter (it didn’t trend, but a bunch of people jumped on the bandwagon! Thankies all!) to not only prove a point, but to have fun with it. I give “good sex advice” every day… it was fun for me to be silly.
You kids growing up with Google have it easy, after all, it got some of you here didn’t it? I instead had many of these conversations:
“He touched my boobs, felt good, but it hurt going in me.”
“Hurt? Were you wet? That makes it easier.”
“How do I get wet?”
“Tell him to lick you.”
“WHERE I PEE??”
“Yea… it feels good, trust me, I saw it on Playboy.”
Then, one of us decided to have anal sex. It was terrible. Swore it would NEVER happen again, we didn’t care WHAT we saw on Playboy after that.
Since then, since the internet, since trial and error, since we can all learn from one another’s mistakes… here are the most common mistakes you shouldn’t make if you want to have successful anal sex. Application and practice are key, and it is ok to make a mistake, as long as you learn from it.
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Faceted sensualist, sex positive educator & toy connoisseur, specializing in workshops, outreach & deviant behavior.