Since the 80′s have come and go long ago so if you are still rocking that 80′s overgrown bush between your legs I have a couple tips and tricks on how to give it a clean shave. This way your bikini will be looking oh so adorable at the beach.
BarbiexHardcore Says
Barbie Says: J is for Just In Case
This week I ventured back to a place I called home for about 3 years, the porn shop where Jane Blow and I had met. It’s a big warehouse STOCKED FULL of sex toys and pornos, they have anything from almost every walk of life. From the normal “oops it fell in my ass” to the stuff likely to be found in EuroTrip’s Vondersexxx.
While I stopped back to my old home I was reminded of how many times I would suggest things to people and say “just in case!” These idiots would ALWAYS shake their head no and look at me like I was being pushy. Then about an hour later they would slink back in and try to hurriedly buy what I had suggested not to long ago. Not to say I’m always right about what you need but sex is spontaneous, if you come home with a brand new toy, then you have to expect the unexpected.
Categories: Jane Says, BarbiexHardcore Says
Tags: condoms, just in case, Lube, massage oil, sweeten 69
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Barbie Says: I Don’t See What You Were Going For There.
Here we are again, back with more of the A-Z guide of sex with the letter “I”. Since I haven’t divulged into some of my sexual experiences for awhile, I’m going to tell you another bad sex story. Try not to laugh too much here.
I’m sure I have mentioned my Ex (let’s call him Tom) before in a previous post about anal, I have many ex’s and I do consider myself the biggest monogamous whore whilst dating them. But I continue to bring Tom up because, well to put this in the nicest way possible, he was fucking terrible at screwing. Seriously, it was just awful!
We dated for a year and a half and in that amount of time I had gotten only ONE orgasm. Tom is my prime example I use when I speak about listening to you’re partners. Knowing the difference between an “oooooh” and an “ahhhhh” which I have said before. It’s important because if you think you are doing better than you are at screwing us into a quivering mass of cum, then we’ll just start looking at you sideways. Here is a small knee slapper in which you can use as an example.
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Categories: Jane Says, BarbiexHardcore Says
Tags: body language, oooh and ahhh, Spanking
Discuss: There are 3 comments, add your take.
Barbie Says: Hi, Let’s Fuck!
Sometimes when things seem mundane a surprise here and there can spice things up.
I might possibly be the biggest fan of surprise sex. Relationships tend to repeat sexual moves and become boring. Let’s face it here, seriously people, after so long the men start doing what I like to call “the hump n grunt” and women just kinda moan through it. We move a leg here, tilt our asses that way and it’s good enough to deal with. The sad thing is after this you start not wanting sex. Well actually women stop not wanting sex and men never stop wanting to a bust a nut.
I worked in a nursing home and those dudes were always trying to get their dicks wet.
Categories: Jane Says, BarbiexHardcore Says
Tags: hump n grunt, Ninja Sex, surprise sex, true blood
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Barbie Says: G- Got That?
I’m sure all of you were at one point in your life boy scouts or brownies (that’s the girl version), one thing you always had to know was to always be prepared. I’m not saying that to always be prepared means to have condoms cause believe me, somewhere later on down the line we’ll discuss something like that.
My version of being prepared is to know who your fucking. Much like a well done interview be aware of what someone likes and dislikes. If you sleep with a variety of men or women then keep a variety of things.
I myself love anal sex in the shower, it’s a passion of mine and I will own up to it wholeheartedly. Nothing turns me on more than someone prepared and knows exactly what I like.
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Categories: Jane Says, BarbiexHardcore Says
Tags: Anal Sex, be prepared, boy scout rule, shower sex
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Barbie Says: F is for FFFUUUCK
WE’RE NOW ON THE F INSTALLMENT OF THE A-Z GUIDE TO BANGING!!
For those of you guys out there who haven’t given a lady the kind of sex she needs, you guys should be aware that when we like what you’re doing a whole lot we let out the nice big “OH FFFFFUUUUCK!“ You’ll know it when you hear it cause we kind of drag out that f’s and the u’s. This trick of getting us to say that is to listen to us, know the difference between an “ooh” and an “ahh”, know which noises are good noises and bad hurty noises. The big difference is knowing the “RIGHT THERE!”
I know this an issue for you guys. Seriously, I’ve asked around and every single girl I have ever met who isn’t a virgin, had encountered this problem. It’s a fierce plague encroaching on all males around the world. This plague is known as sexual directional disability, or at least that’s what I like to call it. It exists only during sex when a woman yells “RIGHT THERE!” Something changes in a guy’s brain when he hears those words, all the sudden his dick is completely in shock and has a phobia of hitting that spot which was ohh so lovely. You could have been pounding on it for 10 minutes straight but as soon as we admit to liking it, you have got to find a brand new parking spot for you cock.
Sadly I have no cure for this yet besides calling all men dumbasses and beating them for it. I will admit to having slapped a guy for gypping me out of an orgasm. The only thing I will suggest is for us ladies to no longer tell men what we enjoy for fear that we will never cum again (but only this one time! Talk about it after so you don’t scare him away from the orgasm). Also men, can you really just even try to keep at it? It’s so sad when you get so close to a toe curling, white knuckle fist clenching fun and it just slips away so quickly. Even thinking about it now just makes me give the sad puppy face.
I would like to start a campaign now; men tell me please how to remedy this problem!!! I’ve done tons of research, well practice really, and I’m drawing a mental blank. THE WORLD NEEDS HELP!!!
<3 Barbie
Categories: Jane Says, BarbiexHardcore Says
Tags: orgasm, right there!
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Barbie Says: Everything At Once
E is for Everything!!
For those of you Forgetting Sarah Marshall fans you will surely remember when Aldous Snow said the trick is to “penetrate deeply, and stimulate the clitoris simultaneously. That’s what you gotta do. That’s what it’s about. If you can involve the anus in that, then that’s absolute perfection.”
Well Aldous was absolutely right, I wouldn’t say do it all the time but involving all 3 will make any woman’s head explode. Each spot on their own is amazing to play with BUT can you imagine doing the 3 things that cause the most pleasure all at once?! Trust me it’s a recipe for instant orgasm. You don’t even have to go absolutely crazy with it, it’s not like you have 12 arms here so we’re not looking for that. You can do small stimulation on all of them by just rubbing both the clit and the asshole. If you are feeling adventurous just pop a finger in her ass and roll with it. Just make sure your fingers are lubricated (spit, lube…whatever). Dry rubbing is wrong, ouch.
Now the upside for you here, not only does it cause EXTREME pleasure but it flicks a switch in a woman’s brain. I like to call it The Porn Star Switch. Suddenly we start to act like porn stars and are all about the sex. At the very least, her reactions will be better – making those porn faces and getting you even more turned on. This could go verrry good for you guys because if you have been trying to get a little anal sex and getting denied, after you make her cum til’ she shakes from the move I like to call The Trifecta… it’ll put the positive association in her head.
A little move like this, will go a LONG way!
<3 Barbie
Categories: Jane Says, BarbiexHardcore Says
Tags: Aldous Snow, e is for everything, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, the porn star swich, the trifecta
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Barbie Says: Don’t Second Guess
Nothing kills me more than someone who get indecisive during sex!!
Welcome back!!! This is part 4 of the 26 A-Z series, or the cheat sheet to giving a good screwing. We’ve been jumping around a bit from anal, to blow jobs, to counting orgasms and now we’re on some serious Decision making.
Women will tell you there is something oh so sexy about confidence, well its true whether it’s in just flirting or in the sack. There can be nothing more annoying and unattractive than someone stopping to think about the whether they should move left or move right. It’s kind of ridiculous to watch someone banging away at you and then notice them putting on a “thinking face”; Eyes up in the corner, pushing down the eyebrows and just about ready to stick that tongue out.
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Categories: Jane Says, BarbiexHardcore Says
Tags: confidence, decision making, second guessing
Discuss: There is 1 comment, add your take.
Barbie Says: C is for Counting
Giving girls an orgasm, awesome stuff. Giving us more than one, we’ll be bragging all the next day.
Welcome back to my A-Z series of good sex, or what Jane Blow likes to call “the cheat sheet to getting me off”. We’ve covered some anal and blow jobs, now we are on to Counting.
I’ll give men credit (I don’t do that often so seriously enjoy this pat on the back guys!), you have come a long way since a few years ago where men were just doing the hump and grunt routine (some still do that but I won’t label all men for it). Most guys want the ladies to orgasm first, which is nothing to whine at. But most women -like me- want to start being selfish. We want more that one, it doesn’t have to be done all the time, just mix it up once in awhile for us. Trust me, there are PLENTY of upsides to giving us that much joy.
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Categories: Jane Says, BarbiexHardcore Says
Tags: orgasms
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Barbie Says: B is for Blow Jobs!
I am a huge believer in blow jobs. Face it ladies (and gents) men have to do a lot for us, they have to figure out our likes/dislikes, emotions, pay for us if you’re a traditionalist, etc. The least we could do is go south of the border and give them a little loving. A blow job for a guy is kind of like giving flowers to a girl, its a great gift and there is never a wrong time for it. It’s something a man will (rarely) never turn down and will never go un-returned. (OK, it might go un-returned for an hour or that night, but the next time you go at it, TRUST me!)
Personally nothing gets me revved up to go more than actually getting down and giving a blow job. Something about the power of holding someone’s orgasm in your hands (or mouth) is such a turn on. During sex it is a give and take situation but while giving a blow job the I am the only true reason someone is going to get off.
There is tons of fun to be had while giving a good old BJ if you’re like me and like the power. You can speed up to make him go quick or slow down to make it last a good long time, OR my personal favorite the speed up until he’s right there and SLOOOOW down. Give it a shot, he might want to punch you in the teeth for like 5 minutes but then he’ll thank you for it later.
Categories: Jane Says, BarbiexHardcore Says
Tags: Blow Job
Discuss: There are 2 comments, add your take.
Connect with Jane
Faceted sensualist, sex positive educator & toy connoisseur, specializing in workshops, outreach & deviant behavior.