Jane Says

Nikki CoXXX Says: You + I = We?!

Posted by on 11/30/10 at 11:19 am

I HATE titles… and maybe part of the reason is because I have commitment issues. (This coming from the girl that has a hard time picking out her socks… EVERYDAY). But, on a somewhat more serious note, titles fuck everything up. Once a, “You” and an “I” fornicate, a WE is born, and unlike babies that constantly need their diapers changed, WE is constantly introduced to new rules. This list of new rules is so long, that if someone sent it to the North Pole, Santa would check himself into a Psych Ward. My head is spinning, I feel like a caged animal…. someone hand me a baby… and a martini, stat!


Call me a, “Bitter Betty,” because I no longer view relationships as two people running through a field on a warm Spring afternoon, breaking to feed My Little Pony and Friends. However, call me a realist to know that NO relationship is that pleasant ALL OF THE TIME. Hmm, maybe if you’re on Ecstasy ALL OF THE TIME they are… but then again, once the illusion of pure bliss fades away… along with your brain cells… you are left dumbfounded.

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Nikki CoXXX Says: Inanimate Objects That You Should Be Putting By/in Your Vagina: Part III

Posted by on 11/15/10 at 2:21 pm

Unlike EVERY movie trilogy, I know not to push my luck after the third installment of a series (Scream 4, I’m talking to you). With that being said, if you’re vagina is still intact after getting more service than an overcrowded parking garage in Manhattan these past few weeks; I want to leave you with one last suggestion. Before I continue, please make sure you have a phone is arms reach, this one could send you to the hospital.

These aint your momma’s shot glasses….

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Jane Says: Thank You!

Posted by on 11/12/10 at 1:13 pm

Hey Fellow Perverts!

Thank you all for the Birthday wishes!!

Jane Blow turned 2 yesterday, and my social media streams and email box were bombarded with messages, well wishes, and naughty thoughts.  While I’ve been at this “sexpert” thing for much longer than 2 years – this “Jane Blow” blog is just a baby compared to the other sources for sexual health and fun on the internet.

I was a bit surprised to find myself so loved, and it made me feel awesome.  You all make me feel like I’m not just shouting into the darkness that is the vast internet.  I have a good niche locally and where I work, but the internet/world game is such a huge difference.

What got me to start blogging and taking on other writers here is the fact that there is so much misinformation readily available on the internet.  I would start researching, or have someone tell me a “fact” and the info was just wrong.  Terribly, scary wrong.  There are so many sites giving out info and toys with the idea of making money, or to make a mark for an ignorant standpoint… and I couldn’t take it anymore.

Yes, I started with the great people over at DAPS.TV, some of my stuff was cutsie, but I had to appeal to a certain audience and I made sure my info was the best for my 1x a week post; they gave me solid roots and a platform to learn from.  When they gave me wings (this blog) my game face was on!  I knew I could do more of the things I wanted to.  Outreach, toy reviews, etc… Yes, I still have some fluff – but hey – all work and no play makes us dull people :)

Trying to appeal to a vast audience can be tough at times, and I cannot thank you all enough for writing in to get my/our thoughts on a question or problem you have.  90% of what we write about is because you ask for it one way or another.  I’ll post pics of toys and you’ll ask questions.  I have my formspring if you want to be anonymous.  I’ll get a quicky question on twitter, longer ones on facebook, you are all even emailing questions in as well… and I don’t know how to encourage you to do it more… but PLEASE DON’T STOP.

You all literally keep me going.  I could write about random topics or pick themes, I could even do what Cosmo does and recycle info to the masses… but I try to keep that to a minimum.  My friends know if they say something note worthy or we have a convo… they are fair game. I’ll change their name, or write a Sexlopedia, a Fact, or even a Jane Says about the subject I decided to pick out.

They/You ask… I do my very best to deliver.  I’m a big fan of reciprocation, and communication… and it seems like many of you are taking notice!  It brings joy to my heart, and gets me more excited than some of the sex toys I receive.

So, thank you!

Thank you for helping me put an end to bedroom dysfunction, thank you for getting my gears going, thank you for the support, friendship, and allowing me to be me.

I hope you can all help me get through my terrible twos xoxox !!

I’d be lost without you,

<3 Jane

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Nikki CoXXX Says: Inanimate Objects That You SHOULD Be Putting By/In Your Vagina: Part II

Posted by on 11/8/10 at 1:41 pm

I remember a few years back, hearing horror stories from my cousin’s friend who is a physicians assistant, about… err… certain objects getting stuck up a womens vagina’s. Cell phones, cucumbers, electric tooth brushes, tampons… pretty much anything that resembles/imitates the stimulation of a penis. This flashback engulfed my brain when a friend of mine told me about her sexual encounter with a banana. And no, she wasn’t using it to practice her blow job technique.

‘Clean up on isle 7…

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Nikki CoXXX Says: Inanimate Objects That You SHOULD Be Putting By/In Your Vagina: Part I

Posted by on 11/1/10 at 12:35 pm

It amazes me that so many women are still afraid to masturbate because they think it’s, “dirty” and/or “unladylike.”  In most cases, these are the girls that use the, “Getting Drunk,” excuse so it’s, “socially acceptable,” for guys to grope them in public.  Well, bar sluts and tight asses alike… loosen up, because if you don’t learn about what your pussy likes, no man will ever be able to crack the code.  Before you have a panic attack, you don’t even have to use a dildo, vibrator or some crazy sex toy that should come with a 100+ page instruction manual. The key to a, “Floating On Cloud 9,” orgasm can be reached with every day house hold items that do in fact serve a better purpose than what they were originally invented for.

The OctoPUSSY of all orgasms… get it? it looks like an octopus, and octopus’ live in the ocean… oh, forget it…

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Nikki CoXXX Says: The Waiting Game Sucks

Posted by on 10/25/10 at 2:00 pm

I hate dating. I feel that that timing is everything, and to be quite honest… timing must have her period 24/7/365, because she’s a bitch. I’ve spent years twiddling my thumbs waiting for “Mr. Right,” to realize how awesome I really am, and because of that, I regressed back to bad habits of my youth. I morphed back into that naive and vulnerable teenager that believed love is a Disney fairytale. (By the way, fuck you Disney, everyone of your movies left me in tears by the end). Now that I’ve gotten over acting like a damsel in distress, I’ve moved onto the Bitter Betty portion of my life.

I can’t care anymore,  I can’t realize when a smart, funny, good looking guy that meets all of my requirements on the, “Boyfriend Checklist,” is standing right in front of me. Now I’m the asshole that’s holding back and playing hard to get. But I’m not playing this cat and mouse game because mind fucking the shit out of someone gets me off before bed every night. I’ve come to realize that if one or more aspects of your life isn’t fitting in with the rest of the puzzle, you can’t push or force yourself to be in the right state of mind to allow someone else into your own personal shit show. Did I mention that I HATE dating?

So excuse me while I vomit the next time someone says, “When you meet someone that is worth more than a five minute conversation, you’ll be married and pregnant within two years.” Timing. Is. Everything.

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Nikki CoXXX Says: Why I Won’t Have Sex With My Guy Friends.

Posted by on 10/18/10 at 11:19 am

God love my parents. I mean, these are the people that conceived me, diapered my ass and watched me evolve from an uncontrollable brat, into the mature, responsible 24 year old woman that I am today. However, they did drop the ball when I was 13 years old. But, I guess dragging me by my hair to my four year jail sentence was payback for terrorizing their lives. Are you ready for the 5 words that still make my skin crawl? All. Girl. Catholic. High. School. (Guys, control your boners, the experience was NOTHING like what you see in the movies). Regardless, if there is anything positive I can share from this experience, it would be the following:
- anyone with a dick doesn’t have the right to preach about abortions.
- I have no respect for 95% of the female population.

With that being said. I love my guy friends. Enough so, that I could never think about having sex with any of them. (Ok, I lied, the thought has crossed my mind, but hey, an active mind is a healthy mind).

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Nikki CoXXX Says: Can Women Have Sex Like A Man… When A Man Acts Like A Woman?

Posted by on 10/11/10 at 12:54 pm

Just like men, women have needs, so it should come as no surprise that in between the search to find a suitable man to help aid in the reproduction of life… we want to get laid, with no strings attached. (Or, so we think).

Nobel Prize winner Doris Lessing writes on the subject of sexual freedom in her book “The Golden Notebook.” Though it was written in the early 1960s, Lessing’s complaint describes a dilemma that many women still face in the new millennium: You may be free to pursue sex like men, but the deeper pleasures require some level of emotional attachment. In biological terms, the female orgasm releases a burst of oxytocin, also known as the cuddle hormone. It’s what makes you feel warm and fuzzy and what facilitates a sense of attachment. Source

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Jane Says: Be Kind To Your Ecosystem; The Vagina.

Posted by on 10/8/10 at 3:11 pm

Vagina’s are temperamental, it is the place where I’m pretty sure any bitchiness stems from.  If you have a really good relationship with your vag, you’ll be less of a bitch.  I swear by this advice (feminists, bear with me for a minute).

The vag is what I call “The Ecosystem“.  It is a self contained, and self cleaning system.  Wetness will ebb and flow, the consistency will change weekly.  If the pH balance is off, the system will usually regulate itself.

If you piss off your vagina, you better be nice to it asap.  They don’t love tampons, or over-cleaning (or under-cleaning for that matter), sometimes they don’t like birth control and they certainly don’t like dry insertions.  The Ecysystem gets upset at any wrongful invader and fights back… with natural disasters.

Yeah, that’s right, Natural Disasters… yeast infections, urinary tract infections, and other issues that can completely ruin your week.  When introducing foreign bodies (men, toys, etc), it will adjust if you prep your vag.  Make sure it is wet and relaxed, by relaxing yourself first.  If the foreign objects come with foreign pollutants – there will be retaliation.

Furthermore, keep everyone’s nails in tip top shape – you don’t want to tare the lining of the vagina either.  Keep sugary substances, and irritants away too.  Bad foods (chocolate syrup, etc) shouldn’t go on, in, or near a vagina.  If you’re allergic to latex, use polyurethane condoms or any of the other alternative barrier methods.  Lubricants with glycerin in them aren’t the best either, try a more natural lube or silicone.  Why annoy your vag when you can make it really happy?  The sex industry has come a long way since nasty KY.

You should enjoy sex, and don’t even THINK about feeling weird about masturbation. Having a happy, pleased, wet vag is a very good thing.  It’ll keep you in a good mood all day.

Sure, we all get bitch slapped by Mother Nature, but once you understand Mommy Dearist and her wicked ways – you’ll be BFFs – ok, maybe that is going to far. Let’s say you wont be enemies… you’ll understand what is going on and why.

I’m not saying you’ll be wearing white pants, and acting like a bad tampon commercial; once you understand and get in tune with your body, you’ll be happier.

How do you do this?

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Nikki CoXXX Says: Squeaky Lovin’

Posted by on 10/4/10 at 11:04 am

Back in 1993, Taro Gomi had to re-inform the world that everyone er… has gotta go from time to time with the book, Everybody Poops. I get it, it’s a children’s book, but isn’t this subject matter an unwritten understanding? 99.9% of people will agree that the, “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” policy applies to farting as well… especially in the bedroom. But come on, we all know what happens when you mix beer and Mexican food.

Personally, that shit doesn’t bother me. (No pun intended). Maybe I’m immune to the deadly scents, and squeaky noises because I have an older brother. But, for the females that don’t have, “home field advantage,” I can SORTA understand why the smell of burning cheese would send you running for the hills.

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