Femme Funn & Nalone Sex Toys

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Femme Funn contacted the shop I manage, Nitecap Megastore (NCP), and asked if we would carry their products. I have made it a practice to feel everything (in my hands at least) that comes into NCP as a quality control measure. Selling toys for the last 10 years, and owning toys for much longer – I think this is a good way to do safety & quality control tests for what clients’ are buying.

Mike Savage of Femme Funn & Nalone sent his cheery brother, Steve, to represent the full lines they proudly carry. He led us in a Show & Tell highlighting what the company is all about, along with product functions, and selling tips. My employees were able to ask questions from a personal and a retail point of view.

After the presentation – we were all left unsure of the products. Another set of kegal balls, another thrusting rabbit, another ‘works with sound’ toy, some wands, and a couple of toys that use touch activation and electricity. Some were good, others were ho-hum. As predicted some employees liked some items more than their coworkers.

I was underwhelmed, and told Steve, “maybe 4 items of the line had promise” (bang for buck).  The gentlemen at Femme Funn, are not in love with that answer and REALLY want me to carry Nalone. They have asked me to review their toy line, honestly. Since this is work for me and I have bills to pay, I agreed to do it for payment.

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Nalone stands behind their brand fully, which is nice. I was told that if they can make changes – they will. So far Femme Funn (I’m working with Avi now) is handling my constructive criticism without being brash. Learning, innovation, and profit are top priority.

Sex toy industry, I hope you’re reading along.

Femme Funn’s website is B2B; enjoy looking at the pictures if you are not a buyer for a shop. The site also has music, so beware if you’re trying to browse incognito. I’ve noticed sites online have picked up their line if you do a quick google, and so far Entrenue (my rep is Kim <3) has a few of their items.

This is the main post about the toy company – the following links will direct you to the reviews on the toys as I get them. After fully knowing that most of the line is not made for my vagina, these are my reviews.

Anyone else hear the Law & Order -doink doink- after that last line? Good.

Keep reading →

Femme Funn & Nalone Sex Toys: Curve

Femme Funn sent me a Nalone Curve for an honest review.


The Curve was one of the toys in the Nalone line that I thought had more in the positive category than the negative. It has ‘touch’ technology along with being able to use the toy with the buttons.

Having a touch control was helpful while in the dark, I can hold it to myself and not worry about pressing the wrong button because the metal was the button. I tried holding it in a few different ways, and usually, a part of me was touching the toy. Another plus is the buttons glow in the dark, whether in touch mode or not, fumbling blind with a new toy was not an issue. My partner thought the non traditional control option (touch) was an interesting addition to a sex toy, not overly complicated, but mostly just “ok”. Others who are more tech or gimmick inclined will love this toy more.

It was explained to me by Femme Funn that

“People who are disabled or are arthritic have enjoyed using Curve because of the touch controls.”

If anyone has a related toy review, let’s link up!

The button controls are top: + (the power level button). Middle: traditional power button. Bottom: touch control switch.

I wish the buttons were top: power button. Middle a + and – for power levels. Bottom: touch control switch.

A power button separate from the other controls is good. After orgasm many people are too sensitive and need a quick off switch for their toys.

I’ve used Curve a dozen times and have yet to recharge it – another plus. The cord is a little short, but that is a nit-picky criticism.

The shape of the sex toy is fine, it fits well enough in my hand, my partner’s hand, against my body, between both of our bodies during sex, and the curve can cradle a penis too. Curve is not recommend for ‘behind a harness’ play, the buttons are too sensitive and bump against the strap on.



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In general, I feel there are 4 types of vibration available in the sex toy market: treble (buzzy), bass (rumbly), surface (useless) and deep tissue (jack hammers).

Curve has a buzz type vibration, and borders on having surface vibration. Buzz vibrations are not my favorite. Bass vibration toys tend to appeal to a bigger market.

Did I orgasm? Yes, barely. These types of orgasms suck for me. I repeat, buzz isn’t my thing. During sex I found myself wanting a deeper vibration. If you like buzz, Curve is more for you. The only good part of this industry being flooded with toys – is that there is a toy for everyone.

Curve is made of nonporous silicone, which is very easy to clean. The groove around the metal could use help from a tooth brush if your lube somehow makes a mess. I tend to use Pjur MedClean Spray to clean most of my toys.

This toy does not make my Personal Top 5 Favorite Vibrators in the Contour Category. My vag likes what it likes and makes no apologies. If it had more power, wasn’t pink, and possibly a change to the controls – it might make my Top 10.

I will buy Nalone’s Curve for Nitecap Megastore. The tech hungry folks will enjoy it and the touch technology makes sense for people with dexterity issues.

For videos, check out YouTube Channel: Femme Funn

Femme Funn & Nalone Sex Toys: Wave Rabbit

Femme Funn sent me a Nalone Wave for an honest review.



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The Wave rabbit was one of the toys in the line that they sent me to feel for myself. Thrusting toys are often asked for by clients who want to do less work during masturbation. Or clients who want to be as stimulated as possible during masturbation.

a Rabbit Vibrator is a category of vibrators that have an insertable portion and an external ‘thumb’ portion (made for clitoral stimulation). In earlier years the clitoral part was commonly shaped into a rabbit… and thus the name.

Most toys are sold for ‘novelty use only’ and many ‘novelties’ are made in countries where sex toys are prohibited. Making toys with little fuzzy animals in mind make them less scary to consumers and easy to make in countries where sex toys are prohibited but ‘novelties’ are groovy. Whatever, I find this stupid (and it is starting to fade), regardless of how I feel- it works and the name has stuck. I apologize now if I call every toy with this shape (despite any nuances) a rabbit toy. Don’t be confused by an industry trying to sell more toys. A rabbit, is a rabbit, is a rabbit. The politically correct will call them Dual Stimulation Vibrators, OR Innies+Outtie Vibrators… those two options are okay depending on your customer. Since the rabbit episode of Sex and the City (even though it is 17 years old), saying “rabbit vibe” gets the point across quicker for more people. Open with “rabbit” and add the tid-bit “dual stimulation vibe” for future reference sales/communication.

Talking too much can kill a sale. Using too many foreign words with a shy client can kill a sale. Pace your clients, use terms they are comfortable with, and use plenty of analogies to every day things so people understand the value, design, and purpose you are handing them. We often use shoes, cars, tools, jewelry, and food analogies to justify adding an item to a client’s collection and help clients open up to sharing/talking with us.

Back to Wave!

The Wave, has it all. It slices, it dices, it has all the bells and whistles.

The shaft and external thumb vibrate, each function with a separate control.

The shaft also has beads that bump and wave up and down the shaft, instead of spin.

And the very top of the Wave thrusts. This is a plus, we are often asked for more toys with this function. Clients are transfixed on toys that move.

All this in multiple speeds and patterns that you can change to your specifications.

Pretty cool.

Wave has a buzz type vibration. When all the functions are going buzz turns into surface vibrations. Buzz vibrations are not my favorite. This is a type of toy that needs more vibe, or something to help hold the vibration in certain spots because it has a plethora of options. Each function needs to be stronger. Or the toy needs to be shorter so to not diffuse vibrations. Or have 2 versions of a toy. The clitoral stimulation is weak, much of the vibration is lost in the softness and bend of the extended thumb. Which bugs me, because we are often asked for soft vibrators.

Wave isn’t uncomfortable, which is a plus.

Did I orgasm? No. This toy is not for me.

I tried this toy a dozen times. I tried to use it as a warm up. After I used other toys as a warm up, and I included my partner in a session too. He found the controls easy to use, but neither of us need so many options.

After I used Pjur MedClean toy cleaner and water to wash the toy.

The Wave, as a thrusting dual stimulation sex toy, has a terrible case of the “Almosts”. It feels like a person without a vagina decided that this toy is “enough” for a vagina without being “too intimidating”. Often people say that these types of vibrators are good for beginners. I can understand that argument but only to the degree of not wanting to give a beginner jack hammer vibes. The flip side of the argument is, do not make crappy toys and justify their existence by saying “oh, it is for a beginner”. Why give a beginner a below par toy and ruin their first experience?

If my friend who enjoys buzzier toys, enjoys Wave… then it has some redeeming value.

Femme Funn insists people love Wave, it is their best selling toy. They have had emails  from clients explaining the greatness of the Wave. They urge me to carry the tester and special order Wave for clients who like the toy.

The bells, whistles, rechargeable power source, and silicone that make up this toy – pushes it into the high end price range. Which also goes hand in hand with low profit. I do not find it has bang for buck.

I do not personally like this toy, and I would not bring it into Nitecap Megastore without a couple of changes or other positive opinions that I trust. There are other thrusting toys on the market that meet my bang for buck criteria.

For videos, check out YouTube Channel: Femme Funn

Femme Funn & Nalone: Yany Metal Kegal Balls

Femme Funn sent me the Nalone Yany for an honest review.

I am no stranger to duo tone balls. I currently own a handful of other models. My first set of kegal weights were a small metal pair of benwa balls that came nestled in a plastic jewelry box. At the ripe age of 19 I placed both balls inside, daring them to tell me my vag was loose. Holding on firmly with my muscles… they both came out after 10 minutes and walking a few feet. Thankfully I was wearing panties to catch them. My vag was devastated. The woman hosting the sex toy party warned me, but I didn’t listen, and did everything wrong. Well, except wearing panties. Learning that I should trust live help more than a movie was a good lesson.

I placed 2 balls inside — instead of starting with one.

I placed them within the first inch or so of my vag — it should have been as deep inside as my pointer finger can get the ball.

I should have started off by sitting or standing in place.

Eventually, I learned all about kegal exercise. You (all genders) can do them anywhere. A person should start by finding where the muscles are by stopping their urine flow. Try it the next time you pee. Those are the muscles you are trying to isolate, they are called the pubococcygeus muscles. Avoid clenching the entire pelvis and anus area. Doing kegal exercise will help your sex life. Lasting longer, feeling more, and pushing your partner over the edge by flexing your pubococcygeus are the sexual bonuses. If childbirth happens or age sets in, doing kegal exercises also helps with incontinence.

After finding the muscles to isolate, hold/clench them for 5 seconds and let go for 5 seconds. You can do a few sets of 10 like this throughout the day. When you add duo tone, benwa, or a toy to your kegal routine, you are adding a dumbbell to a workout. You must continuously hold onto the balls with your muscles or they will come out.

Benwa balls can be put into a condom if you (person with a vagina) are nervous about extraction. They are weighty, by simply standing and relaxing, the benwa balls will come out. If you forget you have them in, wearing panties will help stop them from rolling down the stairs.

Benwa were featured in Fifty Shades of Grey. Prior to the book release, benwa balls collected dust on many stores’ shelves – after, shops sell out of dozens of pairs weekly. The book relates them to a pebble in your shoe; a reminder of him inside of her. Orgasms might have happened in the book because of the benwa – but that is a lie.

Duotone balls are a ball within a ball. If you giggle them in your hand, you can feel them rumble. These are made more for pleasure and exercise. Although, only (if any) the most sensitive vagina can orgasm from them. Along with squeezing around them, you can also do resistance training with them because they all include an extraction “string”. Most have 2 balls in a set with the option of using 1 of them at a time. Some include balls with different weights.

Nalone boasts that they are the first metal duo tone balls. If anyone knows of a metal set – let me know, we can link up!

Yany are metal, with silicone around them as a case/harness. Yany set consists of 4 balls and 2 harnesses.

Silicone and metal are nonporous which makes them body safe and very easy to clean. I use Pjur MedClean spray.

As long as you have realistic expectations from a duo tone balls, you will enjoy them.


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While wearing Yany, I wished they were textured on the inside so I can feel more ‘vibration’ throughout the day.

Yany are fun when worn vaginally when you’re having anal sex. The added weight and wiggle is delightful. I watched Asa Akira do a scene like this in a Tristan porno, and thought “WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT?!”

Yany can be used for hours and no one will be the wiser. If you do tell friends, many find it difficult to not squeeze their own muscles when someone says “kegal”. Admit it, you just did one. Try doing your kegals when you’re stuck at a traffic light, or during Netflix marathons.

Yany are on the smaller side and are more comfortable than some of the larger sets on the market.

Temperature play is possible because the Yany balls are metal. Try placing them in ice-water before use. I’m a big fan of cold toys. If you do not want the “cold stethoscope” feeling on your genitals, hold them in your hands or behind your knee to get them warm. Now I’m imaging frozen kegal balls in cocktails.

The Yany were used multiple times in 2 day increments for a few hours at a time. Then I skipped a couple of days and tried out another pair from my collection. I can’t say I love them more than a couple of other pairs I have, but I would rather wear Yany than a loose benwa ball.

Femme Funn has reported,

The balls are made of aluminum with press forming technology, the color comes from anodizing the metal, and mirror polished. The color will not rub off and the balls will not rust.

Hopefully in the future they will use titanium or 316 stainless steel, which are far more body safe. Both metals are used for body piercings and high end metal toys (both of which I am quite fond). There should be more funding towards to get to the bottom of sex toy safety.

Yany by Nalone is fit for Nitecap Megastore. They are an easy sale to people curious to try kegal toys who want something weighty, simple, and not made of glass or ABS plastic.

If you think this review is too vagina centric, if you have a penis, try out The Private Gym. Normally, I wouldn’t pimp another product in a review – but it is for an entirely different audience for the same purpose. Enjoy.

Review: XL Silver Fox Crystal Minx Tail with Glass Plug

Ever been so happy you’d wag if you had a tail? Our silly human bodies just wiggle without a tail. They look kind of silly considering YOU’RE imagining you have a tail and the rest of the world just sees an excited wiggle.

I’ve had a few moments in the last year that “made me so happy I could wag”.  Few of my friends tried to quit smoking, and a couple of them succeeded. There have been promotions, job changes, conventions, engagements… but I (happily) digress.

OK- Mind you, I don’t consider myself a furry or an anthro-puppy, nor am I into the fetishized puppy or pony (etc animal) play.  For me, sometimes non-human feelings creep up on me. Ever look at a building and wished you could climb it like a spider? Ever want to get somewhere “as the crow flies”? How about ravish your partner like a beast or seduce them (step out of being shy/docile) as if you were a kitten posing like a predator cat? Pounce a friend you haven’t seen in a while? … Get the drift?

I had another “I’m so happy I could wag” moments and said to myself, next time I have an opportunity to make this happen… I’m going to go for it. Fuck all who thinks it is “weird”. As you can guess, an opportunity arose to own a Crystal Delights creation after I went to Momentum, and one does not pass them up.

I love Crystal Delights’ creations. I have a couple of plugs from them, I’ll always reblog a “butt bling” pic on tumblr, and I’ve always admired the tails. I was asked to review their new bunny tail (the tail is now held on with a strong magnet for easy cleaning, storage, and insertion) but, knowing me… I wouldn’t be able to do the review justice. I know I secretly wag, so I asked if I could swap up the product and to my surprise, it was ok with them!

Warning: This gets a little long winded, but I had a rad time with a tail! SEE?!


Keep reading →

Review: Onye Fleur

Big Teaze Toys has a reputation for putting out fun cute vibes; most notably the I Rub My Ducky.  When the sex toy Onye surfaced I thought hm, sleek, but is it just another over priced bullet?

After looking at the pretty box it came in, inserting the 3 AAA batteries, and putting on the weird top, I hoped for the best.  As I went through each of the settings I knew my clients would be in heaven.  My hand was happily buzzing though the different speeds and pulses, and my mind was already saying “yep, I’m putting one aside for myself… in a couple of weeks”.

I ended up not taking home an original Onye because I didn’t like the top, it has “easily breakable” and “annoying” all over it, I also don’t need the pulsy settings.  I’d be a happy gal if it only included the first 3, and a better top.

When I saw the  Onye Fleur on, I had to post my review of it.  Its such a no fuss, easy decision to pick for me, that I forget I have it at all sometimes.

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Review: First Lelo Mia 2.0 & Now Lingerie? @Lelo_Sweden

Lelo's Mia original in pink with Mia 2.0 in black

It went a little something like this.

Random email from Lelo personnel saying they saw my blog and the old Lelo post I wrote and was wondering if I wanted to review the new Mia.

I responded “Yay! Sure! I’m excited! Thanks! Here are my particulars!

But inside I was saying “Ugh, great, Mia.  The USB vibe that wish it could.”  Of ALL the Lelo products, to be sent. Me, a Mia? I wanted to say “No thanks” like an ungrateful child.  Good thing my mom taught me not to look a gift horse in the face.

Lelo sent a follow up email all about how they tested Mia with lasers, and how it is new and improved – and still I was thankful that it was free.

When it arrived I didn’t rush to open the package in a flurry of box cutter and bubble wrap like I usually do because I’ve held all of the Lelo toys (including the Insignia line and the uber expensive Luxe)… not to forget I show people Mia all the time.  It is unique, cute, simple, and is Lelo for heck’s sake.  Mia sells well for me, to the people who like buzzy vibes.

I do not.  I hate them.  They are annoying to me.  Therefor I wont buy them, but I do make sure to show people the difference between buzz and rumble.

SO …. I charge Mia at work.  And promptly forgot about it.  Wasn’t till my boss (hours later, oops) pulled it from the computer and said “This thing comes in black now?”

Thing? What thi… OH! MIA! Right… ugh.  I snatched it from him and turned it on.

Keep reading →

Vibrators, Empowerment, and Psychiatric disease: The Birth of the Home Vibrator

Ever wonder how that electric friend that buzzes came to be in your hands? Your vibrator actually used to be a treatment tool for psychiatric illness.

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Review: JimmyJane Form 3

Hey, remember that time I won a JimmyJane Form 3 from Yeah, I thought you did, for those of you who don’t remember, here.

I was mighty excited, I thought it was going to revolutionize masturbation sorta.  At least bring it back to basics a little.  Hell, if the price was lower, the Average Beginner Jane Masturbaters out there would buy it for a first toy in a heart beat.  Silicone, rechargeable, soft, quiet, waterproof… where can you go wrong?  You can’t really.

Here, watch this short video demonstrating the Form 3.


  • Responsive Touchpad – extends for focused vibration
  • Flexible Design – bends to reach where you want
  • Intuitive Controls – 4 vibration modes, 5 power levels
  • Cordless Recharging – simply place on charging base
  • Three Year Limited Warranty – unparalleled quality
  • Body-Safe Materials – phthalate-free platinum silicone and stainless steel
  • Waterproof and Bath-Friendly – completely washable, no leaky adapter jack
  • Travel-Ready – good to go with convenient button lock
  • High Performance Lithium Polymer Battery – Runs up to 7+ hours on single charge


I was playing with Form 3 at work when it was delivered.  I checked the flexibility and how thin the membrane is.  It was a bit thicker than I thought, but hopefully in time and use the membrane will have more give in the center where my finger pushes down.  It was flexible though, I liked how I can push on the edge.  The charging dock worked well, and I enjoy how JimmyJane is using the same bases.

Keep reading →

Review: Wahl pt2

Entry 2-5: 11/18 OK ok, I’m sorry I scoffed at setting 1 and drooled over setting 2 so much when I was at work.

When I finally used the Wahl at home for the first time, it took me a minute to get used to the buzz of low – then I grew bored and switched it to high – WHAT A FOOL.  Oops?  I SO wasn’t ready for that.  I quickly turned it off, and then back on low again to start over.  Of course I got off, but it wasn’t until I went through half of the little head thingies it came with.

The second time I used it, I used the other half of the little head thingies it came with.  So far I liked the nipple, and the wedge, possibly the cup.

Third time I still enjoyed those heads in that order, the wedge and the cup were interchangeable though.

Fourth time I started to use the high setting a little more in the middle of the session to see how far I could push myself.  I enjoy the vibrations but not for too long.  It works best if I move it around instead of keep it in one place. On low, it works best if I rub the Wahl between my labia majora and minora (…big and little lips) next to my clit.  That feels awesome.  I like being able to maneuver the heads closer to me, rather than have that big Hitachi ball sitting on me.

Don’t get me wrong, I still LOVE my Hitachi.  I like how it rests on me and the vibration it creates… and no, I’m not just being stubborn.

After a few sessions with Wahl, and switching back and forth with the Hitachi – it is indeed different.  It is the first “buzz” vibe I like, if you can call it a buzz. It is more like a really quick rumble.  Setting 2, is powerful… much deeper of a rumble.  It is rich, and… deep for lack of a better word.  I can only keep setting two on for short bursts so far.  The vibrations feel like they make it to my core.

High on Hitachi is strong, and numbing.  High on Wahl is penetrating.

Stay tuned for pt3, I still need, to, um, test the Wahl still… yeah.

Your faithful, diligent… thorough toy tester,