Dear Jane: What is the Best Way to Eat Pussy?

Dear Jane,

What is the best way to eat pussy?

Since every woman is different, the BEST tips I can give you are the 10 basic norms that wont vary too much from woman to woman.

1.  Talk about it.  Ask her how she likes it, tell her you want to give her the best oral orgasms ever, at the very least she can give you hints while you’re going down on her.  A simple “yes.. yes.. there… like that” would help you greatly.

2.  Frequency and timing– if you find a speed, and movement that is working try not to vary or change it up – we like consistency just like you do.  Don’t half ass going down either, we need commitment- you need to work through jaw ache just like we do.

3.  Watch and listen – if your lady isn’t vocal or telling you exactly what to do – you will have to watch her body, and listen to her breathing and moans.  If her skin is getting flushed, her body is getting hot, nipples are hard, and is giving you a lot of “mmmmss” then keep going.  Subconsciously she could be giving you hints and encouragement.  If this isn’t working, hold her hand (she might squeeze it for when you’re in a good spot or she is close), or place your hand on her panty line– her muscles will flex as a reflex to good stimulation.

4.  Women who fake it are dumb and mean.  They are cheating themselves, and are usually blaming you for not being a mind reader.  The body never lies though.  So watch for sweat, muscles tightening etc…

5.  Most women don’t like a pool of spit under their butts, swallowing often helps keep the area lubricated but not sopping wet and uncomfortable – besides – who wants to sleep in the wet spot?

6.  Different Strokes – Use a thick flat tongue, use a thin sharp tongue, lick long up and down, lick side to side, or move in a circular motion.  Suck on her vulva and clit with different strengths.  Use firm pressure, use very light pressure, use your lips, nose, chin… hum.  Please don’t bite or nibble unless asked, and please don’t pull on our lips unless asked and we aren’t balloons, please don’t blow into us (this could be fatal)… these parts are attached.

7.  Coordinate your movements – if you are using your hands and mouth, don’t be all over the place, and stick to a couple of movements. Go Slow, we aren’t ice cream that is about to melt

8.  Always use lubrication.  Lube can be either store bought or simply use saliva, or her own natural lube.  I’m talking about your hands here.

9.  After an orgasm – don’t use direct stimulation on her clit to get her rolling into another one, girls need a little cool down time like men do.  Also, telling us right away that you want a blowjob or to hop on isn’t awesome either – we like a minute to adjust – just like you guys need a minute after you cum really hard and need the feeling to come back to your feet/hands/face.

10.  Brush your teeth, trim your finger nails and wash your hands.  The pussy is a self contained, self cleaning ecosystem.  Her wetness will ebb and flow, and the consistency will change weekly.  If her pH balance is off, her ecosystem will regulate it.  When introducing foreign bodies (you) to the ecosystem, it will adjust.  If you bring in foreign pollutants - there will be natural disasters… Cuts, yeast infections, stink… and no one wants a natural disaster.

If you want more specific directional hints on how to eat a pussy, take my Vagtastic Voyage Workshop!

Share your thoughts

  • http://www.alcoporn.com/ alcoporn00

    Hack again?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Fred-Grant/100001590732319 Fred Grant

    there is nothing better than eating pussy and geting her rocks off and listen to her moam

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