Dear Jane: Will Anal Sex Make Me Crap the Bed?

Dear Jane,

I want to try anal, but am nervous because my husband has a lot of “girth” and it scares me.  What can I expect?  Are there any basics?  Will it make me feel as if I will crap the bed? Help.

Some of my favorite advice for anal sex, came from the Bend-Over Betty herself, Tristan Taormino.


Anal sex for the weary is an all day process.  You’ll want to eat right that day so your body easily eliminates (you take a really good poop that day before sex).

Preparation can include:

Shaving your ass if you’re self conscious about hair, and giving yourself a cleansing enema.

When buying an enema you want a simple set up.  Spill out the solution they give you in the bottles, it is better to just use warm water.  You’ll want to rinse your body out a couple of times till you are satisfied with the liquid coming out of your body from the enema.  You could do this all in your shower, but remember that it is all going down the drain pipes – you are better off doing the enema process on the toilet (with a good book while you wait).

Don’t wash out more than 5 times, in my opinion, this starts to agitate your bowels.

You cannot skip this step. Play with a butt plug, or a dildo and a good silicone lubricant.  This will relax your sphincter muscles.  What porno isn’t showing you before those women take it in the ass, is the prep they do before hand with toys.

Eventually you can graduate from smaller toys to bigger toys to GENTLY get your body ready for your partner.  This step is also a REALLY good idea to get your partner in on.  Foreplay is important, and the more he is willing to do for your ass, the more you both will enjoy it.

If you do all of these steps correctly you shouldn’t have any unwanted residue, or pain.  If it hurts, slow down.

Use lots of clit stimulation, and positive stimulation (like kissing, touching, anything else you like… spanking, neck caressing etc) during anal sex and soon your body will anticipate and even get excited at the thought of anal instead of your mind saying “no no no!! its gunna hurt!! no no no no noooo!!“.  Your body and mind have to be in tune, or it wont work.  If your brain is going “no no no no nooo!!” your body wont let anal sex happen.

If you want to have some fun, you can get anal toys that are made to stay in your butt for long time wear to really relax your body.

Anal sex can be a pain in the butt while getting started, but you could end up loving it in the end.

You can expect:

The same odd eliminating feeling until your body/mind see anal as a fun thing to do, you can expect some pain if you rush the process, and it IS your butt – you are sticking things in it – you MIGHT get some residue – but you wont crap the bed.

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