Vagina’s are temperamental, it is the place where I’m pretty sure any bitchiness stems from. If you have a really good relationship with your vag, you’ll be less of a bitch. I swear by this advice (feminists, bear with me for a minute).
The vag is what I call “The Ecosystem“. It is a self contained, and self cleaning system. Wetness will ebb and flow, the consistency will change weekly. If the pH balance is off, the system will usually regulate itself.
If you piss off your vagina, you better be nice to it asap. They don’t love tampons, or over-cleaning (or under-cleaning for that matter), sometimes they don’t like birth control and they certainly don’t like dry insertions. The Ecysystem gets upset at any wrongful invader and fights back… with natural disasters.
Yeah, that’s right, Natural Disasters… yeast infections, urinary tract infections, and other issues that can completely ruin your week. When introducing foreign bodies (men, toys, etc), it will adjust if you prep your vag. Make sure it is wet and relaxed, by relaxing yourself first. If the foreign objects come with foreign pollutants – there will be retaliation.
Furthermore, keep everyone’s nails in tip top shape – you don’t want to tare the lining of the vagina either. Keep sugary substances, and irritants away too. Bad foods (chocolate syrup, etc) shouldn’t go on, in, or near a vagina. If you’re allergic to latex, use polyurethane condoms or any of the other alternative barrier methods. Lubricants with glycerin in them aren’t the best either, try a more natural lube or silicone. Why annoy your vag when you can make it really happy? The sex industry has come a long way since nasty KY.
You should enjoy sex, and don’t even THINK about feeling weird about masturbation. Having a happy, pleased, wet vag is a very good thing. It’ll keep you in a good mood all day.
Sure, we all get bitch slapped by Mother Nature, but once you understand Mommy Dearist and her wicked ways – you’ll be BFFs – ok, maybe that is going to far. Let’s say you wont be enemies… you’ll understand what is going on and why.
I’m not saying you’ll be wearing white pants, and acting like a bad tampon commercial; once you understand and get in tune with your body, you’ll be happier.
How do you do this?
1. By keeping track of your menstruation cycle. Guys, if you do this too, you’ll never get slapped for using the forbidden lines that we hear as “ugh, are you getting your period soon, you psycho bitch??!”. You only think you should be on a 28 day cycle because that is what women grew up hearing; but it isn’t always the case.
2. Keep a food journal for at least 4 weeks. While you’re at it, jot down how you’ve been sleeping, working out, and any stressors. Doing this for a few weeks will give you a more detailed look at your routine. This seems a bit much, but it is also really easy. I feel a woman should do this at least once in her lifetime.
3. Look at your notes, and compare it to your cycle chart – do you see any high stress times where you pigged out and didn’t notice? Felt sad during certain spots in your cycle where you didn’t make a connection before? How about your wetness consistency changes?
With how busy we keep ourselves, and all of our time spent indoors in different social environments it is very easy to lose track of yourself and your vagina. Some women can go weeks without paying it any special attention. I think we should all have a little hand mirror to check in with our vag from time to time. Just pop down there and say hello.
I’m tellin’ ya, once you get to know it better, you’ll be happier.
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