Jane Says: What Does Sex Feel Like For A Man?

Warning: It’s a little long, which men will like to know… but you’re in for a surprise ladies.

After I wrote What Sex Feels Like For Me to the best of my ability, it made me wonder what it feels like for a man.  Not just surface thoughts, so I asked my stunt cocks, my perverts, friends and any other like minded individual with a brain and a cock to describe it to me.

I said to describe sex, as vivid as they can and to keep virgins, women, the lesser experienced and the curious in mind.

I sent out txts, emails, facebook messages and waited… and waited… and waited.  Men think about sex more times a day than women do reportedly.  These guys in particular love sex, chat sex with me often and we see eye to eye on many things about sex.  I was excited to get so many potentially superb opinions.

What actually happened shouldn’t have shocked me.  After all, you read all those Men vs Woman comparison jokes where the women have a paragraph of text, and the man’s side has a sentence.

What you ask? Nearly nothing.  I figured after all the time these men talk sex, want sex, brag, and look for sex, that they would have something better to say than “I don’t know, good?” and the ever lame “Like warm apple pie”.  It wasn’t an easy task for me to come up with what I wrote, and I had confidence in my men.

Then I got Guy 1′s response and I understood why it was so difficult for them to put sex into words.

I’ve been back and forth with sharing it at all with you, but it sort of just makes me a little sad for men. My Infamous Pervy Friend redeemed what Guy 1 said a little, but I’m still not convinced. This is what two of them men said, verbatim.

Without further adieu…

Guy 1:

You want to know what it feels like? Alright, I’ll play….


Let’s start with a comparison. Ever have a surgical procedure done while you are awake? Something like stitches? Or anything that requires local anesthetic?
You can’t feel the big things – the cutting for instance. You can only feel the small things, the Dr. pinching, or shifting you, or something like that.

That’s sort of the general idea of where my comparison goes.

Imagine for a minute that you have a sex organ that is on the OUTSIDE.  Up to this point it has spent almost 28 years rubbing against the inside of [my] jeans, being whipped out in all kinds of environments (cold, hot, humid, dark, light etc). You’ve got it caught in things, you’ve scratched it, cut it, bent it. You’ve basically dragged it through the gutter stuck it in places you would prefer your wife never know about AND beat the living shit out of it – sometimes up to 5 times a day!
What is the result of all of this? A highly desensitized organ. I’ve got more functioning nerve endings on the back of my hand than on my cock.

So compare that to a woman’s experience. You start off life with something like 10x the number of nerve endings that a man has. Add to that the fact that 99% of the surface area is inside of your body waiting for the next pleasurable thing to enter it. How can we compare? The truth is we cant… Sex for a man? Physically speaking its all broad sweeping, very general feelings. Tightness, warmth (temperature sensations are one of the last hold outs for our battered cocks) a general feeling of things pulling or sliding correctly or incorrectly.

Even a good blow job is little more than vaguely wet sensations, sucking sensations, punctuated by the occasional highly evolved feelings that a woman experiences when a skilled tongue finds some less abused parts of our anatomy. And even then… some men (myself included) would prefer that you stay away from those areas… its just too MUCH feeling for me thank you very much.

So your asking yourself “So then, what gets you off?” Well here’s the rub (pun) – These broad general sensations are augmented by a healthy dose of fantasy fulfillment.

I’m fucking you from behind? Well, it feels the same as when I fuck you missionary style, but from behind I can imagine (or actually enjoy) the sight and sound of you looking back over your shoulder and whispering something utterly filthy. Not to mention the view and opportunities presented by your now vulnerable ass.

Ditto for blow jobs and anal sex.  Its not about where I am putting it, its about the fact that you let me put it there. It is about you LOVING it there… it is about what I am about to do in there.
85% Cerebral 15% Physical. THAT’S what it feels like for a man.

Ladies – If you want to know how to enhance the experience for your man you can do two things.
First – Learn your man, because we are all different. Find out what he likes and what is sensitive, and if he likes you touching his sensitive places.
Second – Learn to think like a porn star “lady on the street but a freak in the bed,” is about the perfect description for the perfect woman. Find a balance between what YOU want (presumably romance, cuddling, tenderness) and what HE wants (to fuck you like the slut you know you want to be).

Buck up and don’t be afraid to say some of the filthiest shit that has ever come out of your mouth. Ask him what turns him on and don’t be afraid of the answer.  Remember, the number one reason why men cheat is because they want something different.  So learn how to be a different woman in bed every time he fucks you and he’ll have no reason to stray!


Me:

Sucks right?  In comparison to a woman anyway. Though, I did like the “to fuck you like the slut you know you want to be” bit.  That I’ve found is true for people with fantasies who can’t express them.

Another point that struck me, was how cerebral men are.  That dumb face you make, is a total lie.  It isn’t representing LACK of thought, it is the overload of thought.  Women wonder if they look weird, or worse, fat.  You guys seem to have the weight of the world on you to preform, and better yet, preform excellently.

Do you guys ever just get lost in sex? Am I a minority?  It amazes me how much thinking is done during sex.

Frustrated, I showed this to most of the men I asked originally, and many  agreed. WHAT? After all the thinking, talking, looking for sex, this is what you guys are after?! I was in a funk for more than a week.  Thankfully, a few of them also had a few changes.


My Infamous Pervy Friend:

I really couldn’t agree with this less.  The underside is probably the most sensitive part on my body (which is why I like a tongue on it).  As far as most of the sensation is “fulfilling a fantasy”; I’ve pretty much fulfilled every one of my fantasies over the years.  I can’t even think of one that I haven’t done right now, so its not that exciting.  Granted the fantasy stuff is great, but its definitely not what gets me off.

AND fucking from behind does DEFINITELY not feel like fucking missionary style.  There is a different sensation for pretty much every single position, each one rubs a different spot, with a different amount of pressure and friction, and different parts of the vaginal canal have different textures. Maybe this guy is using condoms? Because if he is, I understand why he wrote this the way he did, other than that…no effin clue.

You:

What do you think?  Do you agree, disagree?  Share, please.  Inquiring minds need to know.

Share your thoughts

  • http://twitter.com/SexpertJaneBlow @SexpertJaneBlow

    Another ANON response: Its a feeling that almost takes over your whole body and kinda turns down the volume of everything else. Its like a big build up. almost like a race that as much as you want to get to the end of you are really enjoying. like am amazing moment that you dont want to end, but you do!
    its like trying to describe the color of sky blue
    the first guy hits on a few points and then really misses on more than he hit on
    Physically speaking its all broad sweeping, very general feelings. Tightness, warmth a general feeling of things pulling or sliding correctly
    that was kinda on. but those general feelings are amazing ones
    and every position does feel different

  • http://twitter.com/SexpertJaneBlow @SexpertJaneBlow

    Another ANON response: ok, whoever wrote this kinda hit on a great point about the nerves and using the cerebral to augment the physical. But I think it's deeper that cerebral; it's being smart enough to, not use the cerebral as compensation, but as a means to selflessness. He makes it seem a little like the cerebral aspect is to only help the man get off, I disagree to a point.

    But yes, I disagree to a point because the male psyche is caught between two mindsets and generalizing where the cerebral leads to in regard to sex is a bold assumption either way

    For one there's the macho type, all-man mindset of chicks, beer, fucking, etc and that usually falls under a high-dominance style where the man must be in control and sex is more a mean to their own end of climaxing.
    It feels like a warm loose-but-firm slit
    And my dick gets more aroused when the vagina starts to get off and coat my dick with wetness; the sensation of which tightens the nerves in my penis is the best way to describe it
    There's also the matter of not wanting to cum inside a woman and the nervousness that can affect how my, or others, penis reacts and feels in the moment.
    Feel free to smack me if I'm starting to get too cerebral again

    I try not to make a dumb face, but I know what you mean. Lots of men hold their cards close to their chest until the time is right
    But I honestly feel with a penis you can't talk about the physical without going cerebral
    You take what I just mentioned about the fear of getting a woman pregnant; that's HUGE for a guy
    Even with a condom I know I can sometimes get fearful about it breaking or i've ever heard stories of it coming off IN the vagina by accident
    It's a fear that, with smart men, keeps us in control, and with dumb guys makes them often fall back on their libido and end up not caring until it's too late
    Blowjobs feel much different than vaginal intercourse, for me anyway. Mostly because it's direct stimulation of consentrated nerves/areas on my penis
    With straight fucking there are a million cerebral factors that can play into the experience to make it feel anywhere from mind-blowing to not really feeling anythnig at all, of which I've experienced both.
    But I've never not had a highly-aroused reaction to a blowjob
    And then there's ball sucking which can either be amazing or painful as fuck
    That is without a doubt the most anxious part of sex, for me anyway.

    You take what I just mentioned about the fear of getting a woman pregnant; that's HUGE for a guy
    Even with a condom I know I can sometimes get fearful about it breaking or i've ever heard stories of it coming off IN the vagina by accident
    It's a fear that, with smart men, keeps us in control, and with dumb guys makes them often fall back on their libido and end up not caring until it's too late
    Blowjobs feel much different than vaginal intercourse, for me anyway. Mostly because it's direct stimulation of consentrated nerves/areas on my penis
    With straight fucking there are a million cerebral factors that can play into the experience to make it feel anywhere from mind-blowing to not really feeling anythnig at all, of which I've experienced both.
    But I've never not had a highly-aroused reaction to a blowjob
    And then there's ball sucking which can either be amazing or painful as fuck
    That is without a doubt the most anxious part of sex, for me anyway.
    Has anyone said THAT yet? I've always felt ball-sucking anxiety goes greatly under-discussed.

  • Hardin Reddy

    You mean you couldn’t have picked a narrower subject?

    How does sex feel for a man? For me, there are two intertwined components to it, physical and mental. To reach a state of arousal I need to be relaxed–being completely in the moment–and encouraged by words, looks, touches, or kisses, telling me the woman wants me at that place and time. Being chosen to have sex with her when she has so many other options is an enormous compliment, salving the ego and releasing endorphins that make me feel good.

    My cock is always there, always sensitive, rubbing on whatever I’m wearing at the time, but when I’m mentally engaged in something else my mind is trained to ignore the impulses it constantly provides. It’s only when I am relaxed that I yield to the pleasureable sensations and intensify them by touching it. A cock, as it erects, becomes far more sensitive. I’m feeling that pleasure now, and can only describe it as a warm, exciting sensation–much more intense than most of the rest of my skin provides, but sustainable for long periods, unlike, let’s say, a tickle.

    The moment of insertion (I’ll leave condoms out of this discussion) intensifies the pleasure even more. The warm, wet and smooth surfaces of the vagina leave no part of my cock untouched. Different parts of the vagina provide different pleasures . . . rubbing my head on her G-spot, with most of my shaft outside, savoring the momentary coolness as her juices evaporate, feels not at all the same as full insertion, or wiggling inside, or moving my ass in circles to stretch her in other ways. Then there’s her reaction . . . many women have learned to intensify our sensations by contracting their PC muscles. As MIPF said, positioning makes a difference too–rear entry positions the frenulum against the G-spot, which generates different pleasures. Any position which bends the woman over tightens the vagina and enhances my sensations.

    So how does it feel? Warm . . . wet . . . tight . . . smooth . . . all these sensations transmitted by the millions of sensory receptors on my cockskin, coursing through my body and overloading my brain. Enhanced by the visual stimuli . . . her body, her breasts, her facial expressions, her hair . . . and the aural stimuli of her breath and her voice . . .

    My orgasm begins as a pleasurable tightness at the base of my cock, a feeling of great warmth. This feeling gets stronger and stronger. I can, if I choose, delay it by slowing down my movements or thinking of something else, but I virtually never do. The sensation moves up my cock until it is tingling with pleasure . . . I can feel myself getting to the edge, and the pleasure of going over it, the relief the contractions bring as I cum . . .

  • guy 1

    Ok. So having sex is definatly one of the most pleasurable things a man can do. However the point I was trying to make is that it is no where near as good for us as it is for her! Men, how many of you have been so pleasured that you cried out? Screamed? Arched your back? Bit your lip? Maybe the last one. Point is that its nothing like what a woman feels. Sex for men is heavily augmented by mental stimulation. In my sexual life I have had both the problem of gumming to quickly and not being able to gum at all. Both problems were created by mental issues and both were solved by getting a handle on those issues. Neither had anythin to do with the physical aspect.

    • http://twitter.com/ContentMadame @ContentMadame

      There's no way to say with any but imaginary certainty whether men and women experience the same intensity of orgasm, but…

      The prostate and the g-spot are essentially the same organ; research has confirmed the minimal production of prostate fluid in women. (Google it if you're interested in the details; I don't have time to find it ATM.) In my experience (both as a witness and a confidante to quite a few fellas), men who explore prostate massage experience every bit the intensity of orgasm as any woman I've ever known, and without even touching their cocks. Just like women, men can have several different kinds of orgasms, each varying on the spectrums of source, intensity and duration. A lot of men (and I'm not saying you're one of them, because I don't presume to know you) are either ignorant of the possibilities or self-stigmatizing over being receptive.

      Of course, that's not to imply that it takes a finger or toy in the ass to come as hard as a woman can; it just takes a level of skill for observation and adjustment to their partner's responses that many women don't possess (no disrespect to your partners intended; I don't presume to know them, either.) Stimulation is just like anything else: practice makes perfect.

  • http://N/A MIPF

    I see where guy #1 was going, when he phrases it like that. Not getting it up can be mental and the times it happened to me with 1 exception it was, in fact, mental, but as far as not cumming that was always physical, never mental for me. Whether it was too much whiskey, or just too much activity that day. But the physical aspects, I’m my opinion help more, the biting, scratching, pulling all that stuff helps me a lot more than anything I can put in my head.

  • http://www.dangerouslilly.com Dangerous Lilly

    @Guy1
    "However the point I was trying to make is that it is no where near as good for us as it is for her! Men, how many of you have been so pleasured that you cried out? Screamed? Arched your back? Bit your lip? Maybe the last one. Point is that its nothing like what a woman feels."

    Ok, so how do you know what it feels like for EVERY woman? I've been with men who've had ALL of the reactions you describe as "what a woman" experiences. In fact for a long time I'd have argued that you were dead wrong all around, because PIV sex for me just wasn't….eh. Neither was clit stimulation. It just wasn't rockin my world. So while I know that what Guy1 claims sex it like is most definitely not an accurate description for most men, what he thinks sex is like for women isn't accurate for most women.

    • http://twitter.com/SexpertJaneBlow @SexpertJaneBlow

      Only the title is a little misleading. I said, and he said repeatedly "sex, FOR ME feels like… I FEEL…" I made sure of that because I know everyone is very different.

      I made sure there were no definitive statements that said "This is what sex feels like, period. end of story, for everyone, ever, we are ALL the same".

      Thanks for sharing your opinion though, I'm very aware that many women and regular vaginal penetration just don't get along. There are countless toys dubbed as duds because women are made to feel that if they can't orgasm with JUST penetration… there is something wrong with them. Not the xxx industry pushing fake orgasms making the every day woman feel inadequate.
      Fucking porno… heh.

      I also made sure, since men just don't talk about what it feels like (just that they want sex all the time) that I gathered other people's opinions and posted them with Guy 1's response. I wanted to get a rise out of people while shining some light on a topic that doesn't get much attention. There are a buhzillion books on female orgasm and how to give a better blow job… and anal… positions… and that's it really unless you dig. Most people don't.

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