Maxim on How to “Cure A Feminist”. OH REALLY? What Are Your Thoughts?

This post contains HUGE concepts, broken down into its most basic parts and seriously condensed, if 8 paragraphs is TL;DR for you… <shrug> good luck in life.

Professor Yusi King writes:

So according to Maxim in order to “cure” a feminist and turn her into a “real girl”, you have to feminize and pornographize her…Yes this image was really in Maxim magazine and no thanks Maxim, I’ll pass.


So, this popped up on my Facebook Feed today. I did my usual shake of the head. I come from a different background (ie. I support porn AND I’m something of a feminist) from the average Jane Doe; I occasionally read Maxim magazine and other publications of the sort to see what “gems of wisdom” they’re spilling out to the public. I go to sexuality conferences AND porn conventions AND went to an eco-league college. Read: Educated about sexuality & relationships, owns being sexually deviant & proud and have a pedigree in socio-environmental hippydippy angry vegan lesbian related issues & common practices.

My opinions on this Maxim photo are mixed: Good for ratings guys, seriously bravo. Great publicity article. They wanted a reaction, and they got it. Funny thing is, in direct response to Professor Yusi King, many smart porn stars entering “the industry” do it on purpose to literally make a brand out of themselves and have very specific career goals.

Perfect example, Sasha Grey’s career agenda. Got into porn as an educated female, to do porno no one has seen before with her attitude, go mainstream while having her hand in many projects  (books, reading to children, etc…) and not just working social media, but with an actual publicist to do so. So “pornographize” although “dirty” in connotation- isn’t negative, even though the people who are using it are giving it negative power. Ahem, education is power. Women in porn are often a far cry from druggies with daddy issues now-a-day. Although, I know what Professor Yusi King was generalizing/meant by using that term… I’m going to take a stab and say I know the industry better than she does.

As for the changing a feminist bit: The angry pit-haired lesbian is an old fallback image. Feminists come in many shapes and forms there are even <gasp> MALE FEMINISTS- you shocked? There are feminists flipping burgers, starring in porn, editing websites, and yes stereotypically attending protests with their angry signs up and pit-hair in the wind. If you can change an actual feminist’s morals to get them to do something they don’t want to do… then they’re still learning how to stand their ground. You’re a manipulative asshole who likes to play games with people and need to grow up and accept who you are, as well as the people around you and get educated.
The roots of feminism in my own words are based on equality of rights, treatment, payment, opportunity, education for women when there wasn’t/isn’t, and questioning the societal beliefs for sex and genders roles.  Um, again, if that isn’t something you can get behind FOR EVERYONE, you’re an asshole, shoot yourself. Now, that being said, there are many forms of feminism, with different agendas for different groups of people and their ideals. But, c’mon, Women’s rights, Racial rights, GLBT rights… we’re human… HUMAN’S RIGHTS… what is so difficult about this concept? There are a shit ton of gay and poly animals- we’re big naked animals with thumbs, medicine/science, free will and the ability to think abstractly (ex. God, faith, sharks fighting dinosaurs memes etc).

And lastly the change someone’s attitude/curing aka manipulation aspect: You can try to manipulate a person all you want; but a leopard can’t change its spots. You can shave it down, stick it in other fur, and teach it how to do tricks, but it isn’t who they are and it wont be a healthy relationship. So instead of seeing “potential” to change someone, fuck off respectfully, and go find someone who better fits what you’re looking for in a person.

If there is one thing being in my field, going to all these sexuality conventions, and spending most of my days talking about relationships in one form or another has taught me… is that you should stay true to yourself. Find yourself. I’ll say that again, FIND YOURSELF. There, I’ve given you permission, consent and planted the seed so allow yourself. The fuck what people or even yourself thinks. Make mistakes, get out of your comfort zone and go on adventures, no one is perfect, this is a way to learn. Then figure out what you want in a relationship. There is someone(s) out there for you, so don’t try and shape someone into what they’re not. And don’t do it to yourself. It wont work.

Now, you met someone who likes what you do but hasn’t indulged – helping someone play with ideas and educate themselves about/act upon curiosities as they arise in a safe space – I support.  That isn’t manipulation, its freedom to be oneself. Insisting what you want/like on someone who isn’t into it is NOT COOL, neither is trying to get people to do things they aren’t comfortable with. People looking to manipulate a feminist, should listen with an open mind. You might get enlightened to a part of yourself and then really have some indulgent, positive fun in life. The article’s roots are right- approach respectfully in an engaging maner, ask questions and challenge opinions to encourage healthy debate/stimulate the largest sex organ- the brain, treat ‘em right and have conversations about common ground. If this doesn’t work on anyone – they aren’t for you. Move on. Don’t lie and manipulate to get a notch in your bedpost.


<steps off the soap box, drops the mic>


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