SDS is a tool to prove a point, SDS is usually liked by Leather Bottoms to a degree, and I dislike SDS. It is often a mistake made by novice, but I am here to help!
SDS stands for “Same Damn Spot”.
Why is SDS bad?
Imagine being punched in the balls. Twice. In a row.
Ok, it isn’t THAT extreme… but you get the point.
How can you use SDS to your advantage?
Categories: BDSM, Sexlopedia
Tags: BDSM, leather bottom, SDS, Spanking
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The idea of Power Exchange has come up several times in other BDSM related posts, I’ve had questions (live and email) about what Topping from the Bottom is. Yes, the submissive has the ultimate power in the way that without one you cannot have the other. A Top is nothing without their bottom and vice versa. The bottom gives up their power and trusts their Top with it. Trusting that the Top will not cross any previously laid down boundaries, trust in protection if playing in public, and trust that a good time will be had.
What happens when the submissive starts to manipulate the situation to their favor and steps on the Dominant’s toes?
When they are pushing to get what they want by trying to take the lead?
This is Topping from the Bottom.
If Maggie Gyllenhaal in Secretary wanted a spanking, she could have asked for one. But say she made typos on purpose because she wanted a spanking instead of communicating with Mr. Grey. That would be manipulation of the Power Exchange, that would be Topping from the Bottom.
When they take the power of suggestion and make you do what they want – the Power Exchange is off balance. Time for punishment ;)
Categories: BDSM, Sexlopedia
Tags: BDSM, maggie gyllenhaal, Power Exchange, Secretary, Topping from the Bottom
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Dear Jane, <— Ask me your own questions anonymously!
I just found out that my boyfriend has a submissive kink/fetish. As we talked about it, he mentioned he liked being tied up and dominated. It terrified me. I don’t know what my kinks/fetishes are, but I don’t think I am into safety words and such. I haven’t done “it” nor do I really watch porn (dunno why, just never appealed to me.) I know, total prude, right?
So how do I deal with this and embrace my own sexuality without getting flustered or uncomfortable?
I do like my boyfriend but this recent confession has my mind reeling. Help?
Signed, Bewildered in Bed.
Dear Bewildered,
First, keep talking.
There are many facets to BDSM. When people (like you) hear “tied up and dominated” you think the worst, and because he might not have the vocabulary/vernacular to ease you into it, I don’t know how much he told you other than that. Thus adding to your shock.
Bondage, being restrained can be an incredible bonding experience, as can domination. What he also told you without saying it, is that he trusts you… a lot! He might have had this fantasy for some time now, and he trusts you enough to tell you.
Keep reading →
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My idea of a 72 hours of D/s would start with a ritualistic taking off and folding of the clothes followed by a collaring or cuffing and attaching any other BDSM accessories you use. Then an inspection – rewards and punishments doled out accordingly along with a follow up to fix any problems. Shaving maintenance, jewelry, gags, whatever you’re into. Only use your play names, if you have them.
Then intermittently through the day I would set up scenes, tasks, training, eating, cleaning and sleeping rituals/times. Set up goals for what you both want to do and accomplish so that you are always working towards being better.
The ritual of BDSM gets to me – so I would love a scene immediately to help me get into subspace. A fantastic OTK spanking, with lots of talking. Talk to me, get inside my head. An impossible game, objectification, leave me in some kind of fancy bondage work for an extended period of time. You need to do more than pull hair and make someone kneel is what I’m trying to say. Take your sub into that dreamy fantastic space to set the mood/pace of your hours ahead of you.
My days would include rope work training… making sure the Top gets better at their skills, and the bottom gets better at assisting. Pausing to document and photograph any triumphs.
If/when one event leads to another – then so be it. Say your bottom looks exquisite in your work and you can’t help yourself – take advantage of it. Unless of course sex/orgasm isn’t part of your BDSM package. And don’t forget the possibilities, with the power of orgasm… don’t forget to deny or force a few on your sub for punishment or reward.
Tags: BDSM, mind fuck, otk, predicament bondage, Shibari, wartenberg wheel
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Dear Jane, <— if you click this, it’ll take you to Formspring.me. You’ll be able to ask me whatever you want, and be totally anonymous. Do it, and do it often; please and thank you!
My boyfriend really wants to do anal, and really wants me to do it to him too. I’m willing to finger/use anal plug/peg, but i think he wants to do it to me first and i’m not exactly comfortable with that. What should i do?
Featured: The Nexus Glide
There a term in the BDSM lifestyle called “Old Guard”. It is when a true submissive spends time being a Dominant so that they can better understand submission and Power Exchange. In the long run, it makes them a better submissive and person in the end. Some people remain a Switch which is fine; it is a learning experience after all. This opportunity also rarely happens in its true form, the term also tends to be archaic. But, ya know what I think? Carpe diem.
If the occasion arises that you are able to turn the tables like that, do not say you wont try it please. I strongly suggest you try it (thrice).
Categories: Dear Jane
Tags: Anal, BDSM, nexus glide, old guard, prostate
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This edition is a bit more direct as to what Hogtying is. A hogtie is when you loop rope around a pig’s (or livestock) front and hind legs in a bundle under them so that it cannot run away or to make it easier for a person to carry a dead animal off.
But why would anyone ever do that to a person?
Keep reading →
Categories: BDSM, Sexlopedia
Tags: bastinado, BDSM, Bondage, hogtie, SSC
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This story is brought to you by my new JimmyJane Form 3 and Literotica - we had a good time last night reading this story – hope you enjoy lesbian BDSM as much as I do.
Spank Me, Fuck Me, Make Me Yours
“Lucky I like it, keep it up, and if I cum, you’ll get your reward.”
She loosened her grasp, and I returned to my task, burying my face once again against her. I fucked her with my fingers, putting pressure on her g-spot, and licked and sucked her clit for all I was worth. She started moaning, and clenching on my small fingers. I slipped one more into her, and that was all it took, she started bucking against my mouth, and spasaming around my fingers. I was rewarded by a gush of warm, salty, cum flowing out of her pussy onto my waiting tongue. I cleaned her gently with my tongue as she came down from her climax, removing all traces of her juices, and then I removed my fingers from her, and sucked greedily at them, cleaning them as well, all while she started at me with heavily lidded eyes.
“You did well. Lay on your back.”
Tags: BDSM, form 3, Lesbian, literotica
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Either way, a very geeky pervert created this (that is a FACT!), and I wanted to give them props to their props!
Can you pick out all the fun details this person included in their Lego BDSM Scene?
Special thanks to a pervy friend of mine who loves to send me awesome stuff like this; he found it Here.
Discuss: There are 2 comments, add your take.
How can I try testing out ‘breath control’ stuff…?
Key Word: Control.
With any play involving control you need a safe signal, since you shouldn’t be able to talk much and if you aren’t bound, many people use a pinch or a quick three taps to stop the breath control if it is getting too intense for them. If you are bound, I recommend a cat ball toy with a bell in it; you can throw, or drop it to signal a stop. If you can talk, the universal ‘safe word’ is RED, but pick any other word that has nothing to do with sex and is VERY out of place. Saying “NO! STOP!” might be a good thing to say during play – so if you scream out PHONE, or KUMQUAT you’ll get your partner’s attention quicker.
Moving on!
Start by talking with your partner, if they are unaware of breath control fill them in on the science of orgasm and oxygen (ya know, blood carries oxygen to the brain; breath control stops that flow thus making you woozy, and orgasms come easier) and endorphins and being in danger and how they heighten sexual pleasure in the long run. You can also explain the control aspect, and what you like about it. If your partner is cool, then come out and say “hey, let’s try choking and breath control!”
If you are alone, asphyxiation is a pretty dangerous practice… its actually dangerous to begin with. Especially for beginners and extreme thrill seekers. Breath Play, Erotic Asphyxiation etc… can cause death if pushed too far (in the USA anywhere from 400-1000 have been reported per year). The crazy thing is the less oxygen you’re getting the better it feels and the more potent the orgasm. This feeling is addicting (some say similar to a drug addiction), and if you are always seeking the next big high, I would approach breath play with extreme caution. So please be careful, this is considered “Edge Play”… its “up there” with cutting for sexual satisfaction, and blood play (to name a couple of paraphilia).
OK. Warnings are over with… NEXT!
How To:
PS. Don’t TL;DR me… this is important stuff!
Tags: asphyxiation, BDSM, choking, device bondage, paraphilia, Safe Word, sexual fetishism, sub-shop
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Trying to find a non-vanilla relationship before your 18, or even 21, is difficult. All my serious long term relationships in college and high school were vanilla, a little kink and foreplay here and there – which always became awkward because my partners never wanted to try new things or explore their sexual desires. Since then I’ve learned that my sexual partners were selfish people who would take everything you give them, and give only enough back to your needs and wants to keep you around. Not surprisingly, you can find many people who have been in that same boat.
I started looking for others who shared my interest online. I stumbled upon FetLife; excellent community and event happenings, but not much in the ways of real time. I found CollarMe; lots of scammers with actual professional Doms mixed in. That’s where I found mymistress.
I’m still not sure what exactly pushed me over the edge to seek out a pro-Dom in RT (real time). It might have been all the built up tension of needing to get dominated. In most of my previous relationships I was always the dominant one. Girls are usually submissive, and maybe I was just tired of that. I really wanted to try the other side, some role-reversal, get an aggressive girl and see what it felt like to be able to just let go and have someone take care of you.
After a few e-mail exchanges, I had an appointment set.
Categories: BDSM
Tags: BDSM, collarme, fetlife, real experience
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Connect with Jane
Faceted sensualist, sex positive educator & toy connoisseur, specializing in workshops, outreach & deviant behavior.