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Dear Jane, <— Ask me your own questions anonymously!

I just found out that my boyfriend has a submissive kink/fetish.  As we talked about it, he mentioned he liked being tied up and dominated.  It terrified me.  I don’t know what my kinks/fetishes are, but I don’t think I am into safety words and such.  I haven’t done “it” nor do I really watch porn (dunno why, just never appealed to me.)  I know, total prude, right?

So how do I deal with this and embrace my own sexuality without getting flustered or uncomfortable?

I do like my boyfriend but this recent confession has my mind reeling.  Help?

Signed, Bewildered in Bed.

Dear Bewildered,

First, keep talking.

There are many facets to BDSM. When people (like you) hear “tied up and dominated” you think the worst, and because he might not have the vocabulary/vernacular to ease you into it, I don’t know how much he told you other than that. Thus adding to your shock.

Bondage, being restrained can be an incredible bonding experience, as can domination. What he also told you without saying it, is that he trusts you… a lot!  He might have had this fantasy for some time now, and he trusts you enough to tell you.

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