Sexpert Jane Blow » Dear Jane

Dear Jane: Help Me Talk Dirty; 5 Tips

JaneBlow — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 18:00:10 +0000

My husband has recently said he likes being talked dirty to while having sex. He said I used to but I don’t any more, I do not remember. Anyway, I get so lost in cuming I forget to talk. What do I say?

This is so common!

You probably don’t remember because you weren’t saying too much to him, but he still liked it. You were just saying small word cues of encouragement that his ego ate up, and asked for seconds.

Most people don’t say too much honestly, even in porno. The pros just repeat the same things over and over; when you couple that with hot sex, and how urgent you sound when you’re close to orgasm, the aural attention he is getting is more than enough for him to get off on.

There is only one other tip from porno you can take, and it isn’t talk in an annoying voice, or change yours so much you sound like a baby. Faking it like some of them do isn’t great either, so I can’t tell you to watch it for tips. In the last porno my coworkers had on in the store, one person actually said:

“Suck it like I bought you fucking dinner”.

Really porn? Really?

If you want real tips, follow these.

1. Describe what you’re doing, or what they are doing – and say it is hot, sexy, great etc.

“oooh, you’re fucking me so good, you’re so deep, mmm… I’m so wet”

“your cock just got so hard, in my ”

“You’re so sexy riding my cock like that, your tits in my face are so sexy”

2. Words of encouragement always work. Get as profane as you/they can handle. I’m going to keep using “like”, but you can say “its so fucking hot…” or any other string of awesome words you can put together.

“Yes, keep me just like that, don’t stop!”

“I really like when you ”

“Come for me…” could get really sexy at just the right time too.

3. The good old Repeat Technique.

” Yes, yes yes yes”

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop”

“Pound me, pound me, pound me”

“You’re so big, you’re too big!”

This is best coupled with some grabbing; really grab onto this hips if you’re behind fucking, hair pulling, a well placed bite, nail digging – just to really hit home “DO NOT STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING!”

4. Name Calling, or

If you’re aiming for dirty nasty sex – go for slut, whore, say he is just a cock, or that his cock is yours, or they are only good to fuck. Cum slut, cock slut, man whore… you can even get personal and make up something you want to be called. ”Big Daddy” only works in the movies by the way imo.

5. Call out what you want.

Calling out what you want is super important to add emphasis and a quick way to spice up what you’re already doing… to maybe even introduce dirty nasty sex. If you’re in doggy, asked to be spanked, hair pulled, drag their nails on thighs or back… tell them to “be an animal” or call them animalistic. Tired of one position? Demand another, don’t just make the movements. Actually SAY you want to fuck in a certain position. If you’re on top, grip their chest a little, ask for your nipples to be pinched etc… IF YOU WANT IT, ASK FOR IT. The impulsiveness and need of these requests are what makes them hot.

As long as you mean what you are saying, it’ll come across as sexy. When you’re lying, it just doesn’t work at all, only the uninformed partners can let you get away with faking it.

Dear Jane: How Can I Get No Strings Ex Sex?

JaneBlow — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 15:00:38 +0000

Dear Jane,

What’s the best way to tell an old ex, you’re interested in a causal hookup?

Pam and Tommy tried to revisit, but even they couldn’t handle it.

How “ex” are we talkin’ here? Last month? Last year? Last 3+ years?

How did it end? Terribly bad? Just grew apart? Cheating?

Before approaching an ex, think long and hard about those factors. They are an ex for a reason, and to fuck them again could open Pandora’s Box. If you feel you’re both adult enough to just have sex, it only works for 8/10 “couples”. The emotional baggage usually gets in the way. After a long enough period of time you can heal from all the bad that happened, and start longing for familar, awesome sex.

It is natural, it is moving backwards, and sometimes… SOMETIMES… it is amazingly hot for a revisit.

Here are my 3 tips for getting an ex in bed again, without knowing more about your specific situation, I don’t want to get too long winded. If you want a follow up, keep asking questions!

1. Call them, and ask them to do something familiar with you. Do something that was “your thing”, and keep the conversation light. If they make any talk towards “aw, this is great, we used to do this all the time, I had a lot of fun”… tell them you’ve been thinking about the fun you both had and segue the conversation to the bedroom. If they’re curious, they’ll fall into step with you and the conversation will be easy.

2. Call them, and just ask them. If it has been long enough, and the emotional damage is minimal. Talk about how much you miss their awesome body, and the amazing sex. Put it all “on the table”, and see if they’ll “sit with you”.

3. If you’re too chicken, send a friend you trust in to do your dirty work. Have them drop a bomb like “you wouldn’t believe who wants to sleep with you again, just for the sex, no strings attached”. If they’re interested, they’ll contact you.

Keep in mind that you’re playing with fire, and you should probably just masturbate to the fantasy and keep moving on with your life. 8/10 aren’t fantastic odds, but if you feel it is worth it, explore every path that life gives you to travel, so you can live with one less regret.

Dear Jane: How To Hair Pull?

JaneBlow — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 14:34:27 +0000

Dear Jane,

My partner really likes their hair pulled, and I think I’m good at it. Are there other ways? Better ways? I usually just tug on their hair, nothing special. They tell me to do it harder though, is that a good or bad thing?

oOOooh hair pulling, one of my favorites!

If your partner has long hair, you could tug from the length of their hair by making your own “Pony Tail”, or grabbing their already done pony tail. It is the quick way to make yourself some “reigns” and tug their head around or give them a little pain with pleasure.

I’ve found it is better to get your hands in there though, deep into their hair from the scalp.

Run your fingers from the sides or under by their neck, like you were running your fingers through their hair, and then grab a good handful from the roots. If you evenly space it it’ll hurt better, if I can say that. It’ll make sense once you try it one way, and then the other to compare. You’ll also have more control over their head; instead of putting uncomfortable pressure on the neck.

Check in with your partner if they aren’t as verbal about the way they want it.

It sounds like your partner knows what they want, I bet if you get your hands in there instead of tugging on the tail, they will get it “harder” from you. It’s a good thing! Your partner may have not been able to describe just how they wanted it, or KNEW they wanted more, but didn’t know there was another way to get their hair pulled.

Have fun, be safe!

Dear Jane: How Do I Incorporate My Hands During A BJ?

JaneBlow — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 14:09:30 +0000

Dear Jane,

Jane! I need some assistance. My guy and I have an awesome sex life and he’s amazing at everything he does. The sex lasts for hours, its daring, kinky, filthy (in the good/clean kind of way) and animalistic with a touch of D&S. Anyway, the thing is… Oral is fantastic he eats it better than anyone ever has and I love making love to his cock with my mouth. My problem is, that I suck at incorporating my hands. Never been one to give a hand job, and never use them when it comes to giving head. My guy likes blow jobs, and I must keep him happy… but I suck at it. Any suggestions? HELP! I must keep my man satisfied since he makes it goal of his to do the same for me :)

The easiest way to incorporate your hands into the mix is to stroke his balls as if Sherlock Holms was “thinking” with his fingers on his chin. As you pull your head up, slide your fingers up the sides of his balls, as your head goes down, move your hand down. You can “warn” him that you’re going to try something new so he can concentrate on the feeling and not how you look a little spastic trying to coordinate your movements. You’ll find a rhythm eventually with practice.

The other easy way to incorporate your hands is making an “ok” sign with your fingers wrapping them around his dick and then putting them by your mouth, so that your hand/head are in the same place as you go up and down on him. To make your mouth feel like it doesnt end – you can wrap the rest of your fingers around him too. Just make sure your hand doesn’t leave your mouth – kinka like you’re coughing into your fist if I had to describe it.
The last thing you can do is get a cheapy stroker from your local porn shop – and practice giving hand jobs that way – the tool can help you, plus, they feel better than your hand does anyway. THEY can jerk off themselves, some even see it as a chore and delight in a good hand job. If a girl sucks at it, it is even worse for the poor guy – lol.

After a while, your hand will help your mouth and vice versa – practice practice practice ;)
I use these tricks all the time, because I don’t like hand jobs (and really love giving head). So I always go for a half n’ half. I find hand jobs boring and therefore found ways to NOT make it a “job”.

This question was sent to my email, so you wont find it on my formspring account – keep sending your questions!!

Dear Jane: How Do You Like To Be Rimmed?

JaneBlow — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 17:47:36 +0000

Dear Jane,

How do you like to have your asshole licked best? Some people are grossed out but I have found a majority of women melt under this technique. Also great foreplay for anal.

By George, this person has GOT IT!

Yes, analingus, rimming, tossing the salad, licking ass… is perfect foreplay, especially for anal sex. It helps people relax, it somewhat of an intimate taboo place to put your tongue and is a very hot spot on many people’s bodies. The poor sensitive ring of flesh is hidden tucked away by two spankable, biteable, grabbable globes and is just waiting to be touched; even if YOU think it is a “no no” spot.

Ass licking is definitely something to try thrice, I remember my first time being very…wet. Weird. My mind couldn’t quite let go into a pleasure zone so I pulled his head back up to my pussy and continued on. But he was persistent and very good at manipulating my body, ultimately he won me over.

After making sure every one is clean (I showered and took care of myself), and a quick check to see if his nails are clean and mouth is fresh – no one needs pink eye or an infection… I like a few different positions.

Of course there is doggy, ass in the hair, face mashed in a pillow while he is back there licking – or me on my back and a pillow under my butt – even the laying down from behind, one leg tucked to my chest position.

Then there are the tongue strokes – I like variety, so what works one day might not work for me the next at times. So try a long licking stroke, circles, a back and forth motion… incorporate your fingers, maybe a toy… don’t forget my clit and we can be friends. Actually, what I like best is having fun. If we both aren’t down for this, it isn’t fun at all.

I’ve had a partner go for an attempt just to see what it was all about, neither of us were excited about it, and the rimming was just plain awkward. Not fun. MUCH more fun when you are both down for it.

If you love it, go for it! Show your partner how much fun it is, and how good it feels – and eventually they will come around to it.

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