Posts about Safe Word
Posted by JaneBlow on 9/15/10 at 1:08 pm
Dear Jane,
How do I bring up Rape Fantasy to my GF ???
Rape Fantasy. Such a wonderfully loaded topic. I’m a fan of fantasy; but actual rape? No, no thanks. There is a difference, and I know this strikes home to some people and you’re sensitive. I know rape isn’t a joke or something to be taken lightly, and I don’t.
That being said, Rape Fantasy is one of the more popular fantasies, it ranks with Teacher/student!
If you are already having sex that includes bondage or are having rough sex, then to move it into rape fantasy all you have to do is change how you take your partner captive and use different dirty talk.
Easier said than done, eh? I agree.
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Categories: BDSM, Dear Jane
Tags: boundaries, elements, limits, mind fuck, Rape Fantasy, Safe Word
Discuss: There are 5 comments, add your take.
Posted by JaneBlow on 9/8/10 at 9:52 am
Dear Jane,
How can I try testing out ‘breath control’ stuff…?
Key Word: Control.
With any play involving control you need a safe signal, since you shouldn’t be able to talk much and if you aren’t bound, many people use a pinch or a quick three taps to stop the breath control if it is getting too intense for them. If you are bound, I recommend a cat ball toy with a bell in it; you can throw, or drop it to signal a stop. If you can talk, the universal ‘safe word’ is RED, but pick any other word that has nothing to do with sex and is VERY out of place. Saying “NO! STOP!” might be a good thing to say during play – so if you scream out PHONE, or KUMQUAT you’ll get your partner’s attention quicker.
Moving on!
Start by talking with your partner, if they are unaware of breath control fill them in on the science of orgasm and oxygen (ya know, blood carries oxygen to the brain; breath control stops that flow thus making you woozy, and orgasms come easier) and endorphins and being in danger and how they heighten sexual pleasure in the long run. You can also explain the control aspect, and what you like about it. If your partner is cool, then come out and say “hey, let’s try choking and breath control!”
If you are alone, asphyxiation is a pretty dangerous practice… its actually dangerous to begin with. Especially for beginners and extreme thrill seekers. Breath Play, Erotic Asphyxiation etc… can cause death if pushed too far (in the USA anywhere from 400-1000 have been reported per year). The crazy thing is the less oxygen you’re getting the better it feels and the more potent the orgasm. This feeling is addicting (some say similar to a drug addiction), and if you are always seeking the next big high, I would approach breath play with extreme caution. So please be careful, this is considered “Edge Play”… its “up there” with cutting for sexual satisfaction, and blood play (to name a couple of paraphilia).
OK. Warnings are over with… NEXT!
How To:
PS. Don’t TL;DR me… this is important stuff!
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Categories: BDSM, Dear Jane
Tags: asphyxiation, BDSM, choking, device bondage, paraphilia, Safe Word, sexual fetishism, sub-shop
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Posted by JaneBlow on 8/4/10 at 11:16 am
Hey folks, sorry about the day off yesterday. I had some catching up to do at the porn shop after filming the Ron Jeremy commercials the day before! Check the twitter for pics and comments, I’m putting up the “interview” soon!
Dear Jane,
What are the boundaries for rough sex? If its stated to be open, I like to really give it to my girl; make her gag when giving head, spank, slap, anything I like. I’ve even had girls ask to be choked. How else can I augment my experience (and hers)?
There is a fine line between rough sex and BDSM. If you get hard at the thought of choking your partner (after her consent of course), and watching her face get red, her eyes roll back, and her pussy soak your cock… then try using props. Your ‘rough sex’ fetish might run deeper than you think, plus it could be fun to Master a new tool in the bedroom.
First, make sure you have a safe word. A word that no one would usually scream out in bed – like poodle, or kumquat. The universal safe word is RED; as in STOP IMMEDIATELY. Some scenarios where a person is gagged or tied down require a anon verbal “safe word”. I like to use is a PINCH… or shaking/dropping a small bell in my hand. Anything that is noticeable and out of place works as a signal. With these signals in place, you will know the boundaries quickly. Talking, communicating about hard limits also helps.
I’d pick a partner/fuck buddy who has the routine down, and pick up a spanking toy. Spatula, ping pong paddle, or something made for impact play from a local sex shop or online bdsm shop. Put her over your knee, and set up an old school spanking role play; teacher & student works well. You can also say “you aren’t good enough for my hand, you’re just a whore, now you get THIS”. See how you like using an instrument of torture while spanking, because you already love how her ass gets red for you.
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Categories: Dear Jane
Tags: BDSM, collar, hard limits, rough sex, Safe Word, SDS, Spanking, sub-shop, verbal game
Discuss: There are 3 comments, add your take.
Posted by JaneBlow on 5/28/10 at 11:22 am
Valspeak aside, we’re discussing The Gag Reflex!
Gagging is USUALLY associated with Deep Throating, but not always – for those who find brushing their teeth a difficult task – I bet you have trouble giving head too? Stupid Pharyngeal Reflex.
Deep Throat…Before it was a famous porn title, and before you freak if you can’t do it right away – I will tell you that it isn’t necessary for an awesome Blow Job experience. So go home and tell him that pornography isn’t illustrating how many women cannot deep throat, and don’t like anal sex or huge toys jammed into their Vajay. (Sorry guys, you still love me, right?)
Not everyone is going to be able to control their gag reflex, in all honesty almost no one can control it right from the get-go. Gagging is a natural reaction, it is what your body does to keep you from choking; don’t be embarrassed by gagging.
The most important thing about deep throating is control. Being in control is your best asset in the situation, without control an over excited guy; he can thrust while you are not ready and damage your throat or vocal chords. For your own safety I’m going to translate what you see in porn – and what they are actually doing.
TIPS:
Have him start out soft, so you can let him grow in your mouth. This helps you get accustomed to his size slowly.
Breathe out as he pushes into you; breathe in as he pulls out.
A Porn Star holds her breath and the guy goes wild with her. What you don’t know, or see is a little tap out move they do. The women hold their breath and when they need to come up for air they tap a leg or have a certain safety move.
The best way to get past a gag reflex is to start SLOW! Use a good amount of lube, or saliva and slowly push each inch of his penis into your throat. From there you control the pace and practice your breathing, keep going as you get accustomed to each inch. If you feel the gag you can back up a little bit and try again.
Another Porn Star move is when the women have a small gag reflex to get past – they swallow. They pretend they have food in their mouth…and give a little swallow. This move pushes him back further and tricks your body into thinking that there is nothing in your throat. After you get past the gag reflex it should be smooth sailing.
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Categories: Jane Says, Workshops
Tags: Blow Job, gag reflex, oral sex, Safe Word, Workshop
Discuss: There is 1 comment, add your take.
Posted by JaneBlow on 11/5/09 at 1:13 pm
We’ve received some mail and questions asking about the Kinkier side of sex and questions about BDSM; here is an introduction. Much of the following is fact, a few points are my opinion from direct experience. We welcome all questions and debate.
BDSM is short for Bondage, Dominance and Sadomasochism. Some also feel s/M stands for submissive or slave and Master. Others feel “S” also stands for Switch.
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Categories: BDSM, How To, Jane Says
Tags: anthropomorphize, BDSM, bear, Beauty Trilogy, Bisexual, boi, Bondage, bottom, CHOKE, CSI, D/s, Dom, Domina, Dominance, Dominant, dominatrix, Domme, facebook, fashionista, fetish, furry, gay, girl, GLBT, Gor, humiliation, Kink.com, Kinky, Leather Daddy, Lesbian, Literotica.com, masochist, Master, Mistress, pain, pet, Pineapple, Poodle, Power Exchange, Queer, Rape Play, Red Yellow and Green, S&M, sadist, Sadomasochism, Safe, Safe Word, SAM smart ass masochist, Sane and Consensual, scientology, Secretary, slave, SSC, Sub-Shop.com, subbie, submission, Submissive, Swinger, Swinging, Switch, The Story of O, Top, Topping from the Bottom, Transexual, Transgender, twitter, Vanilla, Vanilla Conversion Project
Discuss: There are 5 comments, add your take.
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Faceted sensualist, sex positive educator & toy connoisseur, specializing in workshops, outreach & deviant behavior.