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Jane Says: What Does Sex Feel Like For A Man?

Warning: It’s a little long, which men will like to know… but you’re in for a surprise ladies.

After I wrote What Sex Feels Like For Me to the best of my ability, it made me wonder what it feels like for a man.  Not just surface thoughts, so I asked my stunt cocks, my perverts, friends and any other like minded individual with a brain and a cock to describe it to me.

I said to describe sex, as vivid as they can and to keep virgins, women, the lesser experienced and the curious in mind.

I sent out txts, emails, facebook messages and waited… and waited… and waited.  Men think about sex more times a day than women do reportedly.  These guys in particular love sex, chat sex with me often and we see eye to eye on many things about sex.  I was excited to get so many potentially superb opinions.

What actually happened shouldn’t have shocked me.  After all, you read all those Men vs Woman comparison jokes where the women have a paragraph of text, and the man’s side has a sentence.

What you ask? Nearly nothing.  I figured after all the time these men talk sex, want sex, brag, and look for sex, that they would have something better to say than “I don’t know, good?” and the ever lame “Like warm apple pie”.  It wasn’t an easy task for me to come up with what I wrote, and I had confidence in my men.

Then I got Guy 1′s response and I understood why it was so difficult for them to put sex into words.

I’ve been back and forth with sharing it at all with you, but it sort of just makes me a little sad for men. My Infamous Pervy Friend redeemed what Guy 1 said a little, but I’m still not convinced. This is what two of them men said, verbatim.

Without further adieu…

Guy 1:

You want to know what it feels like? Alright, I’ll play….


Let’s start with a comparison. Ever have a surgical procedure done while you are awake? Something like stitches? Or anything that requires local anesthetic?
You can’t feel the big things – the cutting for instance. You can only feel the small things, the Dr. pinching, or shifting you, or something like that.

That’s sort of the general idea of where my comparison goes.

Imagine for a minute that you have a sex organ that is on the OUTSIDE.  Up to this point it has spent almost 28 years rubbing against the inside of [my] jeans, being whipped out in all kinds of environments (cold, hot, humid, dark, light etc). You’ve got it caught in things, you’ve scratched it, cut it, bent it. You’ve basically dragged it through the gutter stuck it in places you would prefer your wife never know about AND beat the living shit out of it – sometimes up to 5 times a day!

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Dear Jane: How Should I Lose My Virginity?

Dear Jane, <– Click it and ask me a question (anonymously, if you want to).

I chose to lose my virginity on my birthday. (Yes, like the song) My partner and I will be our firsts and we both know that it may not be as enjoyable as Hollywood makes it out to be. Tips for me so at least I can see stars when I turn the big 2-3?

I’m glad you already know that the first time isn’t going to be Hollywood awesome.  It sounds like since you’re 23 you grew up with the internet and have a pretty good grip of what to expect.  You’ve also likely heard your friends talk about their first times too.  The fun part is, that although #1 isn’t going to be awesome, you know that it could be pleasurable.

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Nikki CoXXX Says: Squeaky Lovin’

Back in 1993, Taro Gomi had to re-inform the world that everyone er… has gotta go from time to time with the book, Everybody Poops. I get it, it’s a children’s book, but isn’t this subject matter an unwritten understanding? 99.9% of people will agree that the, “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” policy applies to farting as well… especially in the bedroom. But come on, we all know what happens when you mix beer and Mexican food.

Personally, that shit doesn’t bother me. (No pun intended). Maybe I’m immune to the deadly scents, and squeaky noises because I have an older brother. But, for the females that don’t have, “home field advantage,” I can SORTA understand why the smell of burning cheese would send you running for the hills.

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Erotica: Reaching for the Headboard

Her back was pressed firmly against the wall, his weight keeping her in position.  He used his hips to gently separate her thighs, until she was forced to wrap her legs around his waist.  He ran his hands over her back as he slowly slid his hard erection against the center of her body, needing to feel closer to her.  He wanted inside her so badly he could taste it.  A need that came from desperate longing and one too many wet dreams of her writhing underneath him.    Jason reached his hand between her back and the wall and unhooked her bra.  Running his hand over her breast he delighted in the way her nipples hardened against his calloused fingers.

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Erotica: A Cure for Frostbite


“I could have frostbite, you know”

“Nah you’re too hot”

“You think I’m hot?” He grinned at her.  “I meant BODY heat.” He wiggled against her.

“You can feel my body heat?”

“Stop!” She said laughing, squirming, “I can’t feel anything through all of these clothes!”

“Well now, I can fix that.” He guided her backwards until her legs hit the bed, stopping her.  Suddenly, his hands were all over her, skimming off her clothes.

“Long Johns?” he asked, pulling her sweater over her head.

“Turnoff?”

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Nikki CoXXX Says: Sex Cures Writers Block

Have you ever walked passed someone and thought, “Wow I would love to fuck the shit out of you?” (If you said no, you are lying by the way). Anyway, the physical attraction might be enough to entice the idea, but once your hottie of choice opens his or her mouth, and nothing comes out, your vagina dries up/your penis runs for cover. Well, the same thing goes for writing. You can have so many ideas, but sometimes, after playing around with them for a while, you realize that they… well, suck.

Someone needs to get laid, or buy a vibrator…

It’s Monday, June 7, 2010. The time, 7:30 in the morning. I have been up since around 6, because every idea I had for an article last night got tossed to my bedroom floor after a page into brainstorming. Too tired to think, and too tired to masturbate… to help myself get into the mood to think about sex, I collapsed face down on my laptop.

As I sat around this morning, scrambling for last minute ideas, I took a second to reminisce about the days when I was writing the sex column for my college news paper. All of a sudden, the light bulb went off, and I thought to myself, well, there was that time when my ex-boyfriend literally banged a topic out of me.

It also got me thinking about an awesome slogan that should be printed across the walls of every doctor’s office, An Orgasm A Day Keeps The Doctor Away.

Anyway, let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

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FACT! You Might Be Having Sex 112x This Year

18-29 year olds have sex an average of 112 times per year.  30-39 year olds an average of 86 times per year. 40-49 year olds an average of 69 times per year!

Source: The Kinsey Institute

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Nikki CoXXX Says: Stop Acting Like A Crabby Ass, And Get Laid Already!

It isn’t easy being a woman. Everyday it’s the same routine. Wake up early, work out, shower, shave, brush my teeth, do my hair, toss my whole closet on the floor until I find an outfit that doesn’t make me look “fat…” but once a month, mother nature throws me a curve ball. On top of all of this, my uterus turns the faucet on and I have to deal with The Nile River pouring out of my vagina for seven days. (For a split second of every month, I fantasize about having a dick so I don’t have to deal with this).

The controversial question that rarely leaves any woman’s lips is, “Can I have sex while I’m on my period?” Let’s discuss.

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Nikki CoXXX Says: Emotional Affairs… They might not give you dieases, but they will sure as hell send you crawling to a therapist.

No one will ever send you the memo about a relationship being a full time job. When you first meet someone that you don’t have the urge to strangle within five minutes into a conversation, you consider them to be the coffee bitch intern. As time progresses, and things get more serious, a promotion is expected. Before you know it, it’s been 2 and a half years, and you’ve become… “that couple.” The couple that is emotionally disconnected, and on the verge of flat-lining.

My phone vibrates and wakes me. It’s 2:15 in the morning. I laid there for a few seconds, restless and aggravated. I just hung up on my drunk boyfriend who was slurring his way through an argument. I grabbed my phone, ready for round two of this screaming match. But there was no screaming. There was no drunk boyfriend. It was Greg, my “substitute boyfriend.”

I was never a fan of cheating. But, when the guy you are having an emotional affair with calls you in the middle of the night, drunk, promising you that if you pick him up from the ferry he will, “return the favor”… it’s hard to just hang up the phone with the hopes that you will wake up from this horrible nightmare.

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Fact! I’m Moving to Polynesia

Among the Mangaians of Polynesia, 18-year-old couples make love an average of three times a night, every night, until their thirties, when the weekly average drops to a mere 14.

Source:  Human Sexual Behavior: Variations in the Ethnographic Spectrum.  Book by Donald S. Marshall, Robert C. Suggs; Basic Books, 1971. (Students can find it here on Jstor.org)

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