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Dear Jane, <– Look at the other questions people have asked, or ask one of your own. It is completely anonymous.

Ok, Truth be told, no one asked me this for real. BUT, there was a time before Google… and during that time we would ask our friends for sex advice and we weren’t completely spot on. The “fake” question proposed in this post may or may not had been given to a younger kid (let’s say somewhere in the age bracket of 9-11) from older cousins – back in the late 80′s, early 90′s when not all homes had a computer.

I don’t know the whole story, but the kid (today, retelling the story) said his cousins lied to him. But before Google was at everyone’s fingertips so easily, the cousins could have very well thought that sticking your finger in your ear, then sticking it in a vagina and if it tingled… was a sign of an STD.  Think about all the wrong info you had floating around in your head when you were a kid getting half real answers from your parents, or nonsense you overheard siblings and cousins say.

For the record, no… no you can’t tell if a woman has an STD by this method. You need to go to a clinical center for a blood test to see if you have an STD (STI).

Moral of the story? Trial and error is how many people learn how to have sex and we’ve all heard our friends/older relatives say some whacky stuff. Some of it true, most of it not.

Question authority, but more importantly, fact check before you try any of the whacky stuff you hear about.  Google is good… for finding people with more authority on a subject. Take anal sex for example, when I need to make sure any info I give to you is true, I’ll grab a book by Tristian Taormino.

It is best to check with a professional if you want any real answers about your health… not a friend, and usually not the internet (it will probably tell you you’re going to die… yes I’m looking at you WebMd-ers). Most people wait 3 days before seeking help whether it be a common cold, or a pervertable lodged in their ass… don’t do that and forget google, just seek real help.

Special thanks to Jay Miller’s Lucky Pierr, who preformed some improv last night at The Full Cup (on the last tuesdays of every month) for the inspiration for this post. PS. Non-human I’d fuck? Mystique.