Femme Funn contacted the shop I manage, Nitecap Megastore (NCP), and asked if we would carry their products. I have made it a practice to feel everything (in my hands at least) that comes into NCP as a quality control measure. Selling toys for the last 10 years, and owning toys for much longer – I think this is a good way to do safety & quality control tests for what clients’ are buying.

Mike Savage of Femme Funn & Nalone sent his cheery brother, Steve, to represent the full lines they proudly carry. He led us in a Show & Tell highlighting what the company is all about, along with product functions, and selling tips. My employees were able to ask questions from a personal and a retail point of view.

After the presentation – we were all left unsure of the products. Another set of kegal balls, another thrusting rabbit, another ‘works with sound’ toy, some wands, and a couple of toys that use touch activation and electricity. Some were good, others were ho-hum. As predicted some employees liked some items more than their coworkers.

I was underwhelmed, and told Steve, “maybe 4 items of the line had promise” (bang for buck).  The gentlemen at Femme Funn, are not in love with that answer and REALLY want me to carry Nalone. They have asked me to review their toy line, honestly. Since this is work for me and I have bills to pay, I agreed to do it for payment.

Nalone stands behind their brand fully, which is nice. I was told that if they can make changes – they will. So far Femme Funn (I’m working with Avi now) is handling my constructive criticism without being brash. Learning, innovation, and profit are top priority.

Sex toy industry, I hope you’re reading along.

Femme Funn’s website is B2B; enjoy looking at the pictures if you are not a buyer for a shop. The site also has music, so beware if you’re trying to browse incognito. I’ve noticed sites online have picked up their line if you do a quick google, and so far Entrenue (my rep is Kim <3) has a few of their items.

This is the main post about the toy company – the following links will direct you to the reviews on the toys as I get them. After fully knowing that most of the line is not made for my vagina, these are my reviews.

Anyone else hear the Law & Order -doink doink- after that last line? Good.

In general:

Nalone – is a ‘play on words’, it is a smush of ‘You Are Not Alone’.

All of the Nalone toys are in fancy boxes with a minimalist sleeve of information and picture of the toy. The boxes are black but will come in white soon, and they are looking into other colors for the toys too.

There are 4 different types of vibration mentioned in the following reviews. Treble (buzzy), bass (rumbly), surface (useless) and deep tissue (jack hammers).

First Batch of Toys Sent:

Nalone Wave

Nalone Curve

Nalone Yany

*
Second Batch of Toys Sent:

The Curve was one of the toys in the Nalone line that I thought had more in the positive category than the negative. It has ‘touch’ technology along with being able to use the toy with the buttons.

Having a touch control was helpful while in the dark, I can hold it to myself and not worry about pressing the wrong button because the metal was the button. I tried holding it in a few different ways, and usually, a part of me was touching the toy. Another plus is the buttons glow in the dark, whether in touch mode or not, fumbling blind with a new toy was not an issue. My partner thought the non traditional control option (touch) was an interesting addition to a sex toy, not overly complicated, but mostly just “ok”. Others who are more tech or gimmick inclined will love this toy more.

It was explained to me by Femme Funn that

“People who are disabled or are arthritic have enjoyed using Curve because of the touch controls.”

If anyone has a related toy review, let’s link up!

The button controls are top: + (the power level button). Middle: traditional power button. Bottom: touch control switch.

I wish the buttons were top: power button. Middle a + and – for power levels. Bottom: touch control switch.

A power button separate from the other controls is good. After orgasm many people are too sensitive and need a quick off switch for their toys.

I’ve used Curve a dozen times and have yet to recharge it – another plus. The cord is a little short, but that is a nit-picky criticism.

The shape of the sex toy is fine, it fits well enough in my hand, my partner’s hand, against my body, between both of our bodies during sex, and the curve can cradle a penis too. Curve is not recommend for ‘behind a harness’ play, the buttons are too sensitive and bump against the strap on.

In general, I feel there are 4 types of vibration available in the sex toy market: treble (buzzy), bass (rumbly), surface (useless) and deep tissue (jack hammers).

Curve has a buzz type vibration, and borders on having surface vibration. Buzz vibrations are not my favorite. Bass vibration toys tend to appeal to a bigger market.

Did I orgasm? Yes, barely. These types of orgasms suck for me. I repeat, buzz isn’t my thing. During sex I found myself wanting a deeper vibration. If you like buzz, Curve is more for you. The only good part of this industry being flooded with toys – is that there is a toy for everyone.

Curve is made of nonporous silicone, which is very easy to clean. The groove around the metal could use help from a tooth brush if your lube somehow makes a mess. I tend to use Pjur MedClean Spray to clean most of my toys.

This toy does not make my Personal Top 5 Favorite Vibrators in the Contour Category. My vag likes what it likes and makes no apologies. If it had more power, wasn’t pink, and possibly a change to the controls – it might make my Top 10.

I will buy Nalone’s Curve for Nitecap Megastore. The tech hungry folks will enjoy it and the touch technology makes sense for people with dexterity issues.

For videos, check out YouTube Channel: Femme Funn

The Wave rabbit was one of the toys in the line that they sent me to feel for myself. Thrusting toys are often asked for by clients who want to do less work during masturbation. Or clients who want to be as stimulated as possible during masturbation.

a Rabbit Vibrator is a category of vibrators that have an insertable portion and an external ‘thumb’ portion (made for clitoral stimulation). In earlier years the clitoral part was commonly shaped into a rabbit… and thus the name.

Most toys are sold for ‘novelty use only’ and many ‘novelties’ are made in countries where sex toys are prohibited. Making toys with little fuzzy animals in mind make them less scary to consumers and easy to make in countries where sex toys are prohibited but ‘novelties’ are groovy. Whatever, I find this stupid (and it is starting to fade), regardless of how I feel- it works and the name has stuck. I apologize now if I call every toy with this shape (despite any nuances) a rabbit toy. Don’t be confused by an industry trying to sell more toys. A rabbit, is a rabbit, is a rabbit. The politically correct will call them Dual Stimulation Vibrators, OR Innies+Outtie Vibrators… those two options are okay depending on your customer. Since the rabbit episode of Sex and the City (even though it is 17 years old), saying “rabbit vibe” gets the point across quicker for more people. Open with “rabbit” and add the tid-bit “dual stimulation vibe” for future reference sales/communication.

Talking too much can kill a sale. Using too many foreign words with a shy client can kill a sale. Pace your clients, use terms they are comfortable with, and use plenty of analogies to every day things so people understand the value, design, and purpose you are handing them. We often use shoes, cars, tools, jewelry, and food analogies to justify adding an item to a client’s collection and help clients open up to sharing/talking with us.

Back to Wave!

The Wave, has it all. It slices, it dices, it has all the bells and whistles.

The shaft and external thumb vibrate, each function with a separate control.

The shaft also has beads that bump and wave up and down the shaft, instead of spin.

And the very top of the Wave thrusts. This is a plus, we are often asked for more toys with this function. Clients are transfixed on toys that move.

All this in multiple speeds and patterns that you can change to your specifications.

Pretty cool.

Wave has a buzz type vibration. When all the functions are going buzz turns into surface vibrations. Buzz vibrations are not my favorite. This is a type of toy that needs more vibe, or something to help hold the vibration in certain spots because it has a plethora of options. Each function needs to be stronger. Or the toy needs to be shorter so to not diffuse vibrations. Or have 2 versions of a toy. The clitoral stimulation is weak, much of the vibration is lost in the softness and bend of the extended thumb. Which bugs me, because we are often asked for soft vibrators.

Wave isn’t uncomfortable, which is a plus.

Did I orgasm? No. This toy is not for me.

I tried this toy a dozen times. I tried to use it as a warm up. After I used other toys as a warm up, and I included my partner in a session too. He found the controls easy to use, but neither of us need so many options.

After I used Pjur MedClean toy cleaner and water to wash the toy.

The Wave, as a thrusting dual stimulation sex toy, has a terrible case of the “Almosts”. It feels like a person without a vagina decided that this toy is “enough” for a vagina without being “too intimidating”. Often people say that these types of vibrators are good for beginners. I can understand that argument but only to the degree of not wanting to give a beginner jack hammer vibes. The flip side of the argument is, do not make crappy toys and justify their existence by saying “oh, it is for a beginner”. Why give a beginner a below par toy and ruin their first experience?

If my friend who enjoys buzzier toys, enjoys Wave… then it has some redeeming value.

Femme Funn insists people love Wave, it is their best selling toy. They have had emails  from clients explaining the greatness of the Wave. They urge me to carry the tester and special order Wave for clients who like the toy.

The bells, whistles, rechargeable power source, and silicone that make up this toy – pushes it into the high end price range. Which also goes hand in hand with low profit. I do not find it has bang for buck.

I do not personally like this toy, and I would not bring it into Nitecap Megastore without a couple of changes or other positive opinions that I trust. There are other thrusting toys on the market that meet my bang for buck criteria.

For videos, check out YouTube Channel: Femme Funn

I am no stranger to duo tone balls. I currently own a handful of other models. My first set of kegal weights were a small metal pair of benwa balls that came nestled in a plastic jewelry box. At the ripe age of 19 I placed both balls inside, daring them to tell me my vag was loose. Holding on firmly with my muscles… they both came out after 10 minutes and walking a few feet. Thankfully I was wearing panties to catch them. My vag was devastated. The woman hosting the sex toy party warned me, but I didn’t listen, and did everything wrong. Well, except wearing panties. Learning that I should trust live help more than a movie was a good lesson.

I placed 2 balls inside — instead of starting with one.

I placed them within the first inch or so of my vag — it should have been as deep inside as my pointer finger can get the ball.

I should have started off by sitting or standing in place.

Eventually, I learned all about kegal exercise. You (all genders) can do them anywhere. A person should start by finding where the muscles are by stopping their urine flow. Try it the next time you pee. Those are the muscles you are trying to isolate, they are called the pubococcygeus muscles. Avoid clenching the entire pelvis and anus area. Doing kegal exercise will help your sex life. Lasting longer, feeling more, and pushing your partner over the edge by flexing your pubococcygeus are the sexual bonuses. If childbirth happens or age sets in, doing kegal exercises also helps with incontinence.

After finding the muscles to isolate, hold/clench them for 5 seconds and let go for 5 seconds. You can do a few sets of 10 like this throughout the day. When you add duo tone, benwa, or a toy to your kegal routine, you are adding a dumbbell to a workout. You must continuously hold onto the balls with your muscles or they will come out.

Benwa balls can be put into a condom if you (person with a vagina) are nervous about extraction. They are weighty, by simply standing and relaxing, the benwa balls will come out. If you forget you have them in, wearing panties will help stop them from rolling down the stairs.

Benwa were featured in Fifty Shades of Grey. Prior to the book release, benwa balls collected dust on many stores’ shelves – after, shops sell out of dozens of pairs weekly. The book relates them to a pebble in your shoe; a reminder of him inside of her. Orgasms might have happened in the book because of the benwa – but that is a lie.

Duotone balls are a ball within a ball. If you giggle them in your hand, you can feel them rumble. These are made more for pleasure and exercise. Although, only (if any) the most sensitive vagina can orgasm from them. Along with squeezing around them, you can also do resistance training with them because they all include an extraction “string”. Most have 2 balls in a set with the option of using 1 of them at a time. Some include balls with different weights.

Nalone boasts that they are the first metal duo tone balls. If anyone knows of a metal set – let me know, we can link up!

Yany are metal, with silicone around them as a case/harness. Yany set consists of 4 balls and 2 harnesses.

Silicone and metal are nonporous which makes them body safe and very easy to clean. I use Pjur MedClean spray.

As long as you have realistic expectations from a duo tone balls, you will enjoy them.

While wearing Yany, I wished they were textured on the inside so I can feel more ‘vibration’ throughout the day.

Yany are fun when worn vaginally when you’re having anal sex. The added weight and wiggle is delightful. I watched Asa Akira do a scene like this in a Tristan porno, and thought “WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT?!”

Yany can be used for hours and no one will be the wiser. If you do tell friends, many find it difficult to not squeeze their own muscles when someone says “kegal”. Admit it, you just did one. Try doing your kegals when you’re stuck at a traffic light, or during Netflix marathons.

Yany are on the smaller side and are more comfortable than some of the larger sets on the market.

Temperature play is possible because the Yany balls are metal. Try placing them in ice-water before use. I’m a big fan of cold toys. If you do not want the “cold stethoscope” feeling on your genitals, hold them in your hands or behind your knee to get them warm. Now I’m imaging frozen kegal balls in cocktails.

The Yany were used multiple times in 2 day increments for a few hours at a time. Then I skipped a couple of days and tried out another pair from my collection. I can’t say I love them more than a couple of other pairs I have, but I would rather wear Yany than a loose benwa ball.

Femme Funn has reported,

The balls are made of aluminum with press forming technology, the color comes from anodizing the metal, and mirror polished. The color will not rub off and the balls will not rust.

Hopefully in the future they will use titanium or 316 stainless steel, which are far more body safe. Both metals are used for body piercings and high end metal toys (both of which I am quite fond). There should be more funding towards Dildology.org to get to the bottom of sex toy safety.

Yany by Nalone is fit for Nitecap Megastore. They are an easy sale to people curious to try kegal toys who want something weighty, simple, and not made of glass or ABS plastic.

If you think this review is too vagina centric, if you have a penis, try out The Private Gym. Normally, I wouldn’t pimp another product in a review – but it is for an entirely different audience for the same purpose. Enjoy.

Hey peoples,

We are officially under construction to get back into the blogosphere. This time we’re also going to aim content for other shop owners, buyers, and workers. Stay tuned!

<3 Jane & Roc

Image courtesy of Pixel*

Did you miss edition 176? Read it all here. Do you have a review for edition 177? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday May 27th @ 11:59pm Pacific Time.

*Pleasurists also accepts photo submissions for the art at the top of editions! For more information click here.

Giveaways & Contests:

• May Giveaway! Deadline: May 30th.
• May is National Masturbation Month! Deadline: May 30th.
• Win a Tantus Anaconda Dildo and Lube Deadline: May 31st.
• WIN Sexy Prizes this May! Deadline: May 31st.
• Facebook Event… Means Free stuff from Cal Exotics Deadline: June 1st.
• Domain Celebration! Deadline: June 2nd.
• Celebrating 10,000 Views with a Giveaway! Deadline: June 5th.
• Sexy Lion Tamer Costume Giveaway – Size L Deadline: June 8th.
• WIN – 80mm RO Bullet by Rocks-Off Deadline: June 15th @ Midnight.
• First Anniversary Giveaway! Deadline: June 15th.
• Win $100 Worth Of Eden Fantasys Gift Cards Deadline: July 18th.
• 50 Shades of Grey Gift Set Giveaway! Deadline: June 21st.

Editor:

Scarlet Lotus

Adult Product Reviews:

Vibrators

• Ladygasm Jessica Crazy Ears by Mistress Kay
• Mantric Miyakodori by Boobaloo
• X-Tassie Wild Orchid by Rose Rouge
• X-Tassie Cocomini by Rose Rouge
• Toyfriend Starlet by Beanfiddler
• Bendable Dual Motor Ribbed Rabbit by Rose Rouge
• Lovehoney Jessica Rabbit 2.0 by Rose Rouge
• Reflections Peace by llellsee
• Doc Johnson Massage Ball by Rose Rouge
• Doc Johnson Velveteen by Rose Rouge
• Doc Johnson iVibe Rabbit by Rose Rouge
• Sh! Womens Store Bullet by Cara Sutra
• Loving Joy Bathtime Buddies Buzzing Butterfly by Rose Rouge
• Loving Joy Bendeeze Summer Lovin’ by Rose Rouge
• Fun Factory Yooo by Rose Rouge
• Wand Essentials Massager by Rose Rouge
• Death by Orgasm Vampire by Chris Kinnk
• OhMiBod Club Vibe by Poly Girl
• LoveHoney Venus Butterfly by Rose Rouge

Dildos

• G-Spot Lollipop by Marilyn
• Tantus Flex Double Penetrator by Mystress Lady Evyl
• Fun Factory Scrudy Stub by Mrs JoJo
• Tantus Luke O2 by Pixel
• Whipspider Rubberworks Tentacle Jr. by llellsee
• Babes N Horny Ata & Ito by Mrs JoJo
• Fetish Fantasy Elite G-Spot 7″ by Mistress Kay
• Rainbow Amor by True Pleasures
• Doc Johnson Reflections Cool Glass Wand by Mrs JoJo

Anal Toys

• Crystal Delights XL Silver Fox Crystal Minx Tail and Plug by Jane Blow
• Fashionistas Bunny Tail Plug by Mistress Kay
• Super Slim 5-inch Plug by Rose Rouge

Sleeves, Rings, & etc.

• Tracey Cox Stroker by Rose Rouge
• Loving Joy Personal Trainer by Mrs JoJo
• 3 Way Double Dolphin Ring by Metallman

Harnesses

• Babes N Horny Genet Harness by Mrs JoJo

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Honey Lube by Delilah Captor
• Babeland Toy Cleaner by Karen Blue
• Give Lube by Rose Rouge
• Dona Açaí Body Polish by Penny
• Loving Joy Slide by Rose Rouge

BDSM/Fetish

• Sportsheets Soft Cuffs by Scarlet
• Noir Beaded Flogger by Scarlet
• Spartacus Hand Crop by Rose Rouge
• Lovehoney Tease Me Blindfold by Chris Kinnk
• Kwiktwist Giant Twist Ties by Rose Rouge

Adult Books & Games

• Tease: The Adult Board Game for Couples and Groups by Boobaloo
• Eleanor Black’s Dirty Little Fuck Doll by Cara Sutra
• Lula Lisbon’s Back Alley Slut by Cara Sutra
• E L James’ 50 Shades of Grey by Cara Sutra
• Miss Annie Player’s Living Libido Loco by Cara Sutra

Adult DVDs & Porn

• Live Sex Show by Sammi
• Tails from the Zipper by J.D. Bauchery
• Saucy Girls by Ginger Leigh
• Power & Control by J.D. Bauchery
• The Justice League of Pornstar Heroes XXX: An Extreme Comixxx Parody by Ginger Leigh
• Taxi Vol. 1 – Scene 2 by J.D. Bauchery

Lingerie

• Black Satin Babydoll by Mistress Kay
• Kissable Stretch Lace Cap-Sleeved Dress Full Size by Mystress Lady Evyl
• Burlesque and Masquerade Mask by Rose Rouge
• Black Level Long PVC Gloves by Cara Sutra

Miscellaneous

• Ring for Sex Bell by Rose Rouge
• Sex & Mischief Sex Sling Classic by Mrs JoJo
• Fun Factory Click ‘N’ Charge by Rose Rouge

I’ve had a few moments in the last year that “made me so happy I could wag”.  Few of my friends tried to quit smoking, and a couple of them succeeded. There have been promotions, job changes, conventions, engagements… but I (happily) digress.

OK- Mind you, I don’t consider myself a furry or an anthro-puppy, nor am I into the fetishized puppy or pony (etc animal) play.  For me, sometimes non-human feelings creep up on me. Ever look at a building and wished you could climb it like a spider? Ever want to get somewhere “as the crow flies”? How about ravish your partner like a beast or seduce them (step out of being shy/docile) as if you were a kitten posing like a predator cat? Pounce a friend you haven’t seen in a while? … Get the drift?

I had another “I’m so happy I could wag” moments and said to myself, next time I have an opportunity to make this happen… I’m going to go for it. Fuck all who thinks it is “weird”. As you can guess, an opportunity arose to own a Crystal Delights creation after I went to Momentum, and one does not pass them up.

I love Crystal Delights’ creations. I have a couple of plugs from them, I’ll always reblog a “butt bling” pic on tumblr, and I’ve always admired the tails. I was asked to review their new bunny tail (the tail is now held on with a strong magnet for easy cleaning, storage, and insertion) but, knowing me… I wouldn’t be able to do the review justice. I know I secretly wag, so I asked if I could swap up the product and to my surprise, it was ok with them!

Warning: This gets a little long winded, but I had a rad time with a tail! SEE?!

The tail came with a care guide, which is a great idea. I know how to take care of glass, silicone, leather, and a myriad of other sex toy do-dads; but fur? Fur is a new one for me. I read through them, put them in a safe place, and then stroked the tail and giggled for a little while. I wasn’t “feeling” it yet, I was very excited, but it just wasn’t time. Few days went by and I finally felt “playful”, like a play tackle, roll around in the grass playful.

The new minx tails come with a little clasp that attach it to the plug, so I un-did the clasp eased the plug in (used Sliquid H2O to help). The glass in my opinion is lighter than the metal plugs I have; the stem of the plug made it fit just right for me- Crystal Delights really have their shapes down.

Left to Right: Med. Metal Butt Bling Opal Crystal, Crystal Delight's Minx Glass Plug for the xl silver fox tail, Sm Metal Plug with Flat base instead of round with red jewel = shown for size reference in my hand.,

I love glass and metal for their smoothness (I’m not in love with how some toy materials ‘drag’), and I LOVE their weight. I like how glass is cold but heat up to body temperature so well; they feel molten warm when you’re done with them. Glass is an experience I think everyone should feel… if you don’t like it, more for me. But try it… you’ll feel like you’re spoiling yourself… every day… well, however often you use glass and other higher quality toys.

Then I played the “get the tail attached to the plug” game, stupid me tried doing it blind a couple of times but gave up quickly and instead sat with the plug for a few minutes getting used to it. The hook and clasp are small, made me worry a little about how delicate it seemed. When my body relaxed, I took it out, attached the tail and reinserted. Wiping up with a baby wipe/paper towel to not get any lube on the tail… and tada! I HAD A FREAKN’ TAIL!

Putting out of my mind that a tail is technically supposed to go at the end of my “tail bone” and this was a bit lower, I told myself “um… shut up… YOU HAVE A TAIL, it doesn’t need to be perfect” … then checked it out in the mirror. My honest reaction?

I HAVE A FREAKIN’ TAIL!

I HAVE… A FREAKIN’ TAIL!!!!

::wiggle:: no! I FREAKIN’ WAGGED!!!!!

::jaw drop…wag again::

This went on for, uh, 10 minutes… ::cough:: anyway…

I’ve had eerie “I wish I could shape shift” walks at night. I’m more than read up on werewolf lore. This is cool, having a tail was cool. After taking a few pics, I did the next logical thing.

Broke out my list of “Things to do if I Ever had a Tail”… don’t pretend like you don’t have one too.

I crawled, stalked my dog (who, wasn’t amused, what a dick), cut a hole in my pants and went roller blading, I suppressed the urge to pounce strangers on a walk, and laughed at peoples’ reactions as I walked past. I tried sitting, jumping, rolling around pretend play fighting with a pillow… which dislodged the plug (and the tail broke off) after a few rolls and a good laugh. Darn.

I broke it, I was legit sad. But it was an easy fix! I plan on soldering the tiny metal rings closed to make the plug Jane proof. They’re just little jewelry clasps, which are very easily repaired, replaced or redone. I might try and find a small key ring/clasp instead. But for now, I fixed it, and it is fine.

Let’s see… I WAGGED, I’ve done A LOT of wagging. I talked on the phone laying on my tummy, I felt the tail against my bare legs as I did clean the house and laze around stuff.

After each tail day, I take out the plug carefully, not touching or pulling on the tail for any help getting it out, do not do that. Unclasped the tail and made sure it was clean, taken care of, and hung. And then I’d wash the glass plug as you’d wash any other glass toy. A good soap, some water, 10% bleach spray and a rinse… then into the toy/dish rack to allow it to dry.

Other than the clasp and no one to pounce, I have a great time with my xl silver fox tail, I cannot express my thanks enough to Crystal Delights for allowing me to review one! Needless to say, I highly recommend all of their products, especially the minx tails and plugs to anyone curious enough to give it a go – or feel the need to add an amazing tail to their fursona costume!

The speaker’s name is Brian Gross and he is often pigeon-holed as The Porn Publicist. He has worked with Def American Recordings and Warner Brothers Records before he took “the plunge into adult” with Vivid’s Steven Hersh (politely name dropping clients such as Lars Ulrich and Gene Simmons to James Deen, Jenna Haze and Sasha Grey).

He said many things concerning the love/hate relationship between the adult industry and media (radio, tv, internet and print) while weaving on and off topic shared his facts and views through client relationships on how the media loves to use sexuality to sell publications/bring ratings – but at what cost? Of course this sparked a few questions to which I hoped Brian would have the time for an interview – and he did!

After a few txts on where and when, we decided on a late night chat over a drink (he Jameson, I Jack- of course) and this is how it went down. Forgive me for getting link happy, we zipped past some names because we know the industry’s characters so I linked for those of you who don’t know who we’re talking about.

Jane Blow: We know media won’t paint an accurate picture for the adult film industry – but for the select sex educators it welcomes (Laura Berman on Oprah for example)- Who have you found to be the most “oh no way, not at all” on a higher level but on a lower level sneak you in the back? As we know that larger companies own smaller ones we may not be familiar with.

Brian Gross: I don’t have much of this specific experience and I’ll tell you why. Producers don’t have that much time to be that all ‘over the place’ for lack of a better term. An example- the producer from Entertainment Tonight will say “I want to do a story on this actor or this actress, can we make it happen?” It’s a yes or no. Same with ABC Nightline. When specific television programs with an interest in sexuality say “We want to do this…” it opens up the negotiation. There are certain topics certainly that are a little more taboo which are harder to get an outlet to promote unless they’re broken through the news. Then they become a news story. It’s really difficult because there is a differentiation between what is a breaking news story and what we are trying to plan as a topic of conversation, as an editorial.

Every major television outlet, whether is cable news or ABC, NBC etc they’ve all covered some kind of sexuality in some way. So, if it fits, and it works, and its news worthy, then they’ll do something.

JB: Speaking of Niteline since it’s one of the recent things I know about because of the James Deen interview- Did Nightline contact you or your people because of this Tumblr phenomenon or how exactly did that happen?

BG: No, AVN Adult Entertainment Expo is one of my clients and Nightline wanted to cover it last year. They were interested and shooting B Roll. Their topics were going to involve…well, they wanted to talk to talent, discuss romance in adult film and they wanted to talk about agencies. So we worked with them and tried to give them what they wanted, to the best of the ability from people who wanted to talk to them. The Deen piece came quickly, because he was interested and they were interested in him. So much of this stuff (as much as pitching to Nightline goes and this and that) they already have in their mind what they want… I get a call or email “We want to do this” and if we can make it happen, it does. I’ve done stuff with them and Adam and Eve (est. 1969, Phil Harvey), Penthouse, and different companies they were interested in over the years.

JB: What percentage of women in the adult industry seek a publicist as opposed to taking their own path through social media? Why specifically then do they use a publicist? Do any of the men seek it out? It seems no one wants to talk to the men -I mean, Ron does his own thing, Deen is approachable- but you don’t hear about the men in the media unless they do something heinous unless they kill another star or they break up with their girlfriend.

BG: As More get women in the industry, less seek out a publicist. The ones who do seek out a publicist- its more about a career for them and they’re using this as a stepping stone. The ones who want to make their name a brand, and understand brand recognition.

JB: So they’d talk to, say, Doc to get their own line, or more because they want to go mainstream? 

BG: They’re going mainstream. But increasing their brand awareness and a realizing that a publicist will help them gain more notoriety and exposure as opposed to doing it on their own.  As far as guys are concerned, I compare guys to models in fashion industry-they’re like hangers. They’re used for a reason. They need to get a job done and very few can so they’re not useable.

JB: Oh absolutely, and they’re approached all the time by civilians “How do I get your job man?” I’ve heard it and laughed to myself. No one seems to have the staying power of Tommy Gun, Randy Spears, Evan Stone to name a few. I joke and say if you want to be a female in porno, its a right of passage  to fuck Evan, it’s inescapable.

BG: They need to fill a need- a lot of guys think they can but they can’t… so what happens is… you go back to the old stalwarts that are able to accomplish whats needed in a scene and theres only so many who can do it.

As far as seeking a publicist Media attention: a girl can create a website get media attention, get people to their website and make money. For the most part a male porn star can’t. Their branding isn’t as viable as a female. That’s just the world we live in. So, James Deen works 364 days a year <JB: yea he’s got a lot of hustle> he’s focused on performing… and performing and performing. Certainly for a guy he’ll get a small percentage for a toy line, and we’re obviously talking about straight guys. Guys can get a website and make money.

JB: James is a little bit of a phenomenon, the only other porn star that I know who is remotely like him is maybe Jack Lawerence (not counting Ron, hes like the Gene Simmons of porno) because of the cop thing he has going on, and the cars he builds.

BG: Well, there’s also Dale Debone, Evan Stone breaking into it too… not counting the obvious, the one I love and admire, who is such a great guy who I enjoy being around, I play basketball with him… is Manuel… he’s passionate and European, it’s a different mentality, and it comes across.

(In the session I sat in on, Brian Gross mentioned a program he worked on for VH1 which ran 70 weeks straight, but didn’t mention what it was – or I missed it tweeting something else he said.) 

JB: Which program ran on VH1 for all those weeks?

BG: The Porn Stars & Rock Stars special about how they’re alike and always seem to go together. It was an hour special about correlation between rock stars and porn stars, 12 years ago. It was a cool, fun piece to do. It fit with the times. It was a cool story in Rolling Stone Magazine. We had Vivid girls in music videos- we did an Everclear video. At the moment it was a hot topic.

JB: I hear thats what Jenna Haze is doing now.

BG: I was just with her last week, she is best friends with Taylor Momsen we went to see the band… they’re cool girls who happened to be best friends; people tend to make a big deal… one just happens to front a rock band the other is a very famous porn star.

JB: People forget famous people are people too; but we just happen to see them naked all the time.

BG: (laughing) Well I don’t see taylor munson naked, but Jenna yes.

JB: (laughing) Funny funny. But really, people have a personal connection to them because we see them naked… On a much smaller scale, I just blog info and people feel they know me, but they don’t.

BG: It happens a lot, yea it’s all perception vs reality.

JB: I feel many adult stars have done cross over into mainstream media- Jenna Haze, Ron Jeremy, Riley Steel did Piranha – but nothing like Sasha Grey. Sasha going into mainstream- it was kind of like how Jenna Jameson started her empire. Her daddy said if “you should do something you should do it the best”, I feel no one has built an empire since. She started the branding movement- a lot of people feel porn stars are being objectified etc- but women joining the industry now are doing it on purpose. Not like when Nina or Vanessa, or anyone before Jenna started. It is a new age of porn star. I feel like Sasha is working on the model of How to Cross Over, like Jenna completed the model of How to Brand. Please tell me how riding the Sasha wave was?

BG: I think Sasha like Jenna are very unique, I can speak on both in different ways. Sasha came with determination, she came with- I’m going to make adult films, very intense films, start my own production company, I’m going to go main stream, I’m going to do things that no one has ever done in porno. And no one is going to get in my way- and she did. She brought the right people on board to help her, and she worked hard. Period. There was no laziness, no nonsense, it was “This is what we’re going to do” and we did it.

Another Jenna Jameson will never happen again in all likelihood. Jenna was the girl next door, the chosen one, with incredible people around her, she married an incredibly smart man in Jack who knew he could make the Jenna Jameson property and make it big. And obviously thing biggest thing she ever did was sell, not only herself and her company (Club Jenna) but to Playboy which will never be done again, it was huge. So she has a very strong team around her, and they did amazing things… best selling book, was on the NYTimes seller list, Club Jenna, and all the mainstream stuff she did. So… she was an anomaly to everything else because she came at a time where there were 100s of girls not 1000s, and she was a big deal. Obviously beautiful, attractive, had incredible sex on film- but more importantly she had the power of Vivid, Wicked, and people around her that realized the power of potential of what they could do.

JB: This goes without saying, but this was obviously when the porn industry had a lot of money and the ability to make a lot of money. It was certainly one of the hay-days.

BG: There still is a lot of money being made in the porn industry it’s just different.

 —–

We then spoke a minute about how the industry is changing and my personal experience witnessing it first hand, and that the smart retailers will make adjustments or close. We did a final cheers and ended the night with thank yous and a hug. Despite the flirty nature of the conference we were ‘perfect gentleman’. He went to finish up watching Basketball, and I was headed to the bar to continue the Momentum experience.

I really enjoyed the inside peek from a point of view that you don’t get to talk to often- but you see all their hard work, hussel (and sometimes luck) come to be on our TV screens and on the radio. Thanks again Brian for the interview (and the drink!) …Till next time!

After I got my bearings (got there a little late), I had a good time. I caught most of the Opening Keynote with Dr. Charlie Glickman, Dr. Logan Levkoff, Audacia Ray, Bill Taverner and Dr. Carol Queen as moderator. Snaps, claps, moans and giggles erupted from the room as they pulled at our emotions and aroused our hot buttons with the power of what they were doing in the world. The pannel’s goal was to discuss the role of sexuality in today’s culture, how they make waves that help change perceptions and kick off the weekend on a “you can be a part of the change” message… and that they accomplished.

In the series of Momentum posts, I’ll discuss my thoughts and feelings about each of the sessions I sat in on. I promise I will try not to get link happy but I know many of my readers aren’t as “in it” as I am and other of my sexuality blogger “friends and coworkers” reading this are. There is an interview coming up with Brian Gross where I do go link happy but that’s what happens when two people who know what they’re talking about start only using first names of who they’re talking about.

Education was on the forefront of buzzwords said at Momentum. Educating ourselves, peers, adults, other teachers, doctors, children… everyone. To stop the ignorance, sadness and hate – educate!

And that is the point of conferences of Momentum… to open up the dialog, have the conversation, spur a movement and get the message out to people who don’t know.

I can say (aside from lumpy pillows) my only negative thought about the convention was, Not Enough “Civilians” attended. Everywhere I looked there were people like myself- wave makers, trailblazers, sex positive educators, bloggers, out in the world being themselves and helping others through their writing, workshops and outreach. Much like music fans see their favorite bands in concert and musicians get together to jam… Momentum was very much a bunch of sex geeks… jamming together (thank you Reid for this analogy). Sure, that helps us feel not alone and helps us educate you… but it was quite a love fest for the most part.

Which, was, AMAZING. Don’t get me wrong here! It gets a little lonely on this (Staten) Island. I LOVED being able to jam with fellow sex geeks, toy connoisseurs, trailblazers and all around awesome people. I am very glad Momentum has an ebook which YOU can buy to read the presentations and etc from many of the great minds who were presenting at the conference. I always bring a friend to cons whether they’re for porn stars or sexuality edu, but this time I couldn’t get anyone to come with me. From the start I knew what I would get out of the conference but it would be nothing in comparison to what a “civilian” would get out of it.

The closing keynote entitled Sex in America: Changing the Conversation Beyond Smut and Sanctimony was a powerful one. I could NOT take notes or tweet quick enough. The panelists Dr. Joycelyn Elders, Esther Perel and Lara Riscol blew my fucking mind. Blew my fucking mind, and if you know me, NOT EASY TO DO. I walked out of Momentum slack jawed wondering how to go home from this experience. But under my shock was 1000 squirrels on speed not knowing where to start or who would appreciate all the info I had needing to bust out of me. I had notes, upon notes, tweets, and even disjointed txt messages to friends to sort through.

I gave Momentum a wave goodbye, and hugged anyone on my way down to the car who I met. I was waiting for the elevator when Dr. Carol Queen stood next to me to wait too, and I just stood there. It was like an obsessed music fan standing next to their rock god idol.

Shifting nervously, still stupified by the  thoughts of having to leave Momentum, getting into the elevator, it was just us. I thanked her for being a pioneer allowing me to walk the paths in the grass and make my own. She thanked me for helping the movement and said to never give up. We had another floor to go… and all I could think of to say was (I mean… what do you say?) “Well, so long and thanks for the fish”. She, to my surprise, bursted out laughing and hugged me and we had a geek moment over the Douglas Adams quote and march birthdays. By far, this moment, is high on my list of “most amazing things EVER”. What a way to end a con.

Thank you Momentum and everyone involved, from the bottom of my heart. It was a wonderful weekend that I’ll be continuing to ride the waves of.

If they want to use these standards for their argument… they’re going to have to make male masturbation illegal because technically by these terms, those are conscious abortions (and a sin!) too. But NOOO it is all about controlling a woman’s body. Whether you’re prolife or prochoice this is ridiculous.

So technically I’m pregnant right now? UM NO. This time you can’t bend science to fit your agenda. A fetus happens when sperm meets egg… not before. Doctors make guesses according to a woman’s cycle and when the couple has had sex. This isn’t evolutionary theory, it is fact! We didn’t shake hands before we shook hands. We aren’t full before we eat. Conception happens at CONCEPTION.

And Arizona, really? I expect this out of the Bible Belt. Tisk, tisk.

Want to keep with your prolife agenda and make this about banning abortions? Well- at least you have a “rational argument” that I choose to disagree with. But this? This is something else.

Human Embryo at 6 Days... existing. 6 Days ago, let alone 2 weeks ago, it didn't exist!

A new bill up for vote in the state of Arizona would ban abortions for some expectant mothers, but that’s only the start of what lawmakers have in store. If the legislation passes, the state will consider a child to exist even before conception.

Under Arizona’s H.B. 2036, the state would recognize the start of the unborn child’s life to be the first day of its mother’s last menstrual period. The legislation is being proposed so that lawmakers can outlaw abortions on fetuses past the age of 20-weeks, but the verbiage its authors use to construct a time cycle for the baby would mean that the start of the child’s life could very well occur up to two weeks before the mother and father even ponder procreating.

via rt.com

On a related noted, check out this article on the unsung birth control hero Bill Bairid.

Thoughts?

Professor Yusi King writes:

So according to Maxim in order to “cure” a feminist and turn her into a “real girl”, you have to feminize and pornographize her…Yes this image was really in Maxim magazine and no thanks Maxim, I’ll pass.

So, this popped up on my Facebook Feed today. I did my usual shake of the head. I come from a different background (ie. I support porn AND I’m something of a feminist) from the average Jane Doe; I occasionally read Maxim magazine and other publications of the sort to see what “gems of wisdom” they’re spilling out to the public. I go to sexuality conferences AND porn conventions AND went to an eco-league college. Read: Educated about sexuality & relationships, owns being sexually deviant & proud and have a pedigree in socio-environmental hippydippy angry vegan lesbian related issues & common practices.

My opinions on this Maxim photo are mixed: Good for ratings guys, seriously bravo. Great publicity article. They wanted a reaction, and they got it. Funny thing is, in direct response to Professor Yusi King, many smart porn stars entering “the industry” do it on purpose to literally make a brand out of themselves and have very specific career goals.

Perfect example, Sasha Grey’s career agenda. Got into porn as an educated female, to do porno no one has seen before with her attitude, go mainstream while having her hand in many projects  (books, reading to children, etc…) and not just working social media, but with an actual publicist to do so. So “pornographize” although “dirty” in connotation- isn’t negative, even though the people who are using it are giving it negative power. Ahem, education is power. Women in porn are often a far cry from druggies with daddy issues now-a-day. Although, I know what Professor Yusi King was generalizing/meant by using that term… I’m going to take a stab and say I know the industry better than she does.

As for the changing a feminist bit: The angry pit-haired lesbian is an old fallback image. Feminists come in many shapes and forms there are even <gasp> MALE FEMINISTS- you shocked? There are feminists flipping burgers, starring in porn, editing websites, and yes stereotypically attending protests with their angry signs up and pit-hair in the wind. If you can change an actual feminist’s morals to get them to do something they don’t want to do… then they’re still learning how to stand their ground. You’re a manipulative asshole who likes to play games with people and need to grow up and accept who you are, as well as the people around you and get educated.
The roots of feminism in my own words are based on equality of rights, treatment, payment, opportunity, education for women when there wasn’t/isn’t, and questioning the societal beliefs for sex and genders roles.  Um, again, if that isn’t something you can get behind FOR EVERYONE, you’re an asshole, shoot yourself. Now, that being said, there are many forms of feminism, with different agendas for different groups of people and their ideals. But, c’mon, Women’s rights, Racial rights, GLBT rights… we’re human… HUMAN’S RIGHTS… what is so difficult about this concept? There are a shit ton of gay and poly animals- we’re big naked animals with thumbs, medicine/science, free will and the ability to think abstractly (ex. God, faith, sharks fighting dinosaurs memes etc).

And lastly the change someone’s attitude/curing aka manipulation aspect: You can try to manipulate a person all you want; but a leopard can’t change its spots. You can shave it down, stick it in other fur, and teach it how to do tricks, but it isn’t who they are and it wont be a healthy relationship. So instead of seeing “potential” to change someone, fuck off respectfully, and go find someone who better fits what you’re looking for in a person.

If there is one thing being in my field, going to all these sexuality conventions, and spending most of my days talking about relationships in one form or another has taught me… is that you should stay true to yourself. Find yourself. I’ll say that again, FIND YOURSELF. There, I’ve given you permission, consent and planted the seed so allow yourself. The fuck what people or even yourself thinks. Make mistakes, get out of your comfort zone and go on adventures, no one is perfect, this is a way to learn. Then figure out what you want in a relationship. There is someone(s) out there for you, so don’t try and shape someone into what they’re not. And don’t do it to yourself. It wont work.

Now, you met someone who likes what you do but hasn’t indulged – helping someone play with ideas and educate themselves about/act upon curiosities as they arise in a safe space – I support.  That isn’t manipulation, its freedom to be oneself. Insisting what you want/like on someone who isn’t into it is NOT COOL, neither is trying to get people to do things they aren’t comfortable with. People looking to manipulate a feminist, should listen with an open mind. You might get enlightened to a part of yourself and then really have some indulgent, positive fun in life. The article’s roots are right- approach respectfully in an engaging maner, ask questions and challenge opinions to encourage healthy debate/stimulate the largest sex organ- the brain, treat ‘em right and have conversations about common ground. If this doesn’t work on anyone – they aren’t for you. Move on. Don’t lie and manipulate to get a notch in your bedpost.

<steps off the soap box, drops the mic>

Ok, Truth be told, no one asked me this for real. BUT, there was a time before Google… and during that time we would ask our friends for sex advice and we weren’t completely spot on. The “fake” question proposed in this post may or may not had been given to a younger kid (let’s say somewhere in the age bracket of 9-11) from older cousins – back in the late 80’s, early 90’s when not all homes had a computer.

I don’t know the whole story, but the kid (today, retelling the story) said his cousins lied to him. But before Google was at everyone’s fingertips so easily, the cousins could have very well thought that sticking your finger in your ear, then sticking it in a vagina and if it tingled… was a sign of an STD.  Think about all the wrong info you had floating around in your head when you were a kid getting half real answers from your parents, or nonsense you overheard siblings and cousins say.

For the record, no… no you can’t tell if a woman has an STD by this method. You need to go to a clinical center for a blood test to see if you have an STD (STI).

Moral of the story? Trial and error is how many people learn how to have sex and we’ve all heard our friends/older relatives say some whacky stuff. Some of it true, most of it not.

Question authority, but more importantly, fact check before you try any of the whacky stuff you hear about.  Google is good… for finding people with more authority on a subject. Take anal sex for example, when I need to make sure any info I give to you is true, I’ll grab a book by Tristian Taormino.

It is best to check with a professional if you want any real answers about your health… not a friend, and usually not the internet (it will probably tell you you’re going to die… yes I’m looking at you WebMd-ers). Most people wait 3 days before seeking help whether it be a common cold, or a pervertable lodged in their ass… don’t do that and forget google, just seek real help.

Special thanks to Jay Miller’s Lucky Pierr, who preformed some improv last night at The Full Cup (on the last tuesdays of every month) for the inspiration for this post. PS. Non-human I’d fuck? Mystique.

Is it wrong for a straight guy wanting to experiment with anal stimualtion? And what would be the best way to do that?

Let me tell you a little story about one of your favorite Manly Men… Mr. James Bond. Actually, it is more of a statement… you see… despite all the women, Pussy Galore if you will… he was often considered Bisexual. Go ahead and google, I can wait for you to get past all the Daniel Craig stuff.  Sure it is a more Euro idea than an American one, but think about it.

If more men took a 007 standpoint, we wouldn’t be discussing if it was “normal” for you to want to explore your own body.  If James Bond, a famed man’s man can still be a man’s man while enjoying anal stimulation, so can you. There is nothing to be ashamed of. If you do it yourself, you’re exploring. If you do it with a woman, you enjoy the stimulation enough to share it with a partner. If you do it with another man, you might be queer. It depends on YOUR FEELINGS and who you’re attracted to, NOT what is being stimulated and that you enjoy the stimulation.

Common society will say it is “weird” but anyone educated even slightly in sexuality and sexual practices will shrug at you and say enjoy. They’d even tell you, like I’m going to, a few fun tips to get you started.

1. Take a shower, relax and get comfortable.

2. Use a lubed finger or anal safe toy, and rub it around your anus while you’re aroused. Slide your finger around, try swishing it back and forth, try different amounts of pressure and different parts of your finger (the tip vs the pad).

Water based lubricants work fine for this kind of stimulation, silicone is even better, there are even creamy lubes specifically made for anal play. Stay away from house hold products though, the sex industry has come a super long way and there isn’t any reason to keep using crisco or vaseline.

If you like the way a lubed finger feels, you’ll likely enjoy a partner licking you (aka rimming). If you’re curious to go further, and you’re relaxed and happy, keep going.

3. Try slowly inserting a finger or small anal toy. If you feel any pain, add more lube, go slower, and breathe to relax. If you are doing anal stimulation the right way, it’ll never hurt for you (or your partner when it is their turn).

4. Did outter stimulation? Tried plugs and toys? How about anal beads, they provide a completely different sensation.

5. Now curl your finger or nudge the toy upwards like you’re trying to find a G Spot, now you can play with your prostate.

We were two ranger fans in a sea of orange, but there was no way either of us could pass up the opportunity to go such a historic event. The stadium was packed! Over 45 thousand people, over 2.5 times as many as at any game we had been to at Madison Square Garden, but this was the Winter Classic. The energy was titillating, and the excitement had me wet since we left the house to make the drive down. Of course your wandering hand between my legs hadn’t made the ride any easier.

We made sure to get to our seats early, before the stadium became swamped with Flyers fans, but it was cold, and I needed to warm up…

You walked behind me as we left our seats to get some hot chocolate, I’m not sure what you saw through all of the layers I had on, but you had always liked me in my NYR jersey. When we got downstairs I felt you grab my wrist turn me around abruptly, and pull me close for an unexpected kiss. It was sweet, and as soon as I felt your lips press against mine, and the firmness of your cock behind your jeans, I was soaked all over again. I quickly forgot about the hot chocolate and pulled us into an open doorway.

We had no clue where we had ended up, but it seemed quiet enough with no one coming in or out, and it was surprisingly warm. You quickly close the door behind us as I take my jacket off and drop it to the floor.

As we continue kissing, my hand slides down your torso to the base of your jersey, and pulls it up ever so slightly between us. I then lean into you, making sure to press my breasts up against you as I run my finger along your skin, tracing the inside of your pants about 3 inches below your belly button. I teasingly bite your lip and you moan, not quite realizing my mouth is mimicking the motions of my fingers. Then I pull your button from its hole and your zipper down. Your pants fall to the ground and I push you against the wall, and promptly drop to my knees. My eyes widen with excitement.

I lick my lips in preparation, and then begin to slowly kiss and lick everywhere…except the one place both you and I want my soft, wet, warm lips to touch. Finally, I kiss and lick up and down the shaft and eventually the head. I then move onto swirling my tongue around the head as I take a firm hold of the base of your now swollen cock. As it hardens, and your balls tense up, I lick the shaft with my big soft tongue. The messy licks lube up all 8 inches of you so I can now use my hand to help myself. I hear you moan, and I can feel the wet spot between my legs getting bigger and I now know its gone through my jeans. I bring my other hand up to your stomach and dig my nails in, reminding you how much I love to have you in my mouth, how much I love the depth of your groans, and how excited it all makes me. And then you moan again, this time louder.

As I start to move up and down in a more consistent manner, my hand just below my lips making a figure 8 around your cock, alternating the tightness of my grip from one finger to the next, I know your eyes have rolled into the back of your head in ecstasy. Just as I’ve developed a rhythm, sucking and squeezing, and moving and moaning, and licking, I unexpectedly find an authoritative hand at my throat, and I stop dead in my tracks. My eyes open like a deer in headlights and with your cock still filling my mouth; I can feel myself drip further down my leg.

You open your eyes, look at me, and calmly explain to me that I am not to use my hand. Before I have a moment to process the information, your hand tightens around my throat, my eyes widen in arousal, and my hand drops from your cock. You tell me I’m a good girl, and in one motion you brush my cheek and reach around for the back of my head. You guide me up and down your cock, allowing me to start slowly so I may develop a rhythm. As your hand begins to push me faster and deeper, I place both hands on your thighs so I may brace myself and you force all of yourself inside my throat. It becomes hard to breath and my eyes well up with tears in them as I can feel your head twitch in the warm tightness deep in the back of my throat.

Saliva drips out of the corners of my mouth, and my mascara runs, as my eyes can no longer hold back the tears. I look up at you with pleading eyes and as we make eye contact you can feel the thick saliva in the back of my throat coating your cock. You almost cum. You then release my head just long enough so I might catch a breath, before forcing your cock back so deep in my throat that you can feel me gag around it. Between my lips at your base, and the convulsions of my throat milking you, you cum. You cum hard and deep in my mouth, and you only allow me to swallow your warm cum once you’ve finished.

As I take a moment to compose myself, you take a moment to relish in the sensation. Then you help me from my knees, and as I turn around to grab my jacket off the floor I notice the door is open and people can easily see into the room. I turn red with embarrassment and without a word as I lead us out of the room. I wonder, just how many Flyers fans got a pre-show? With a deviant smile across my face, I lead us back to our seats.

My boyfriend loves the strap-on, and it gives me some great feelings of control. How do I approach him of my fantasy of him with a hot she-male (if they exist outside of porn) while he licks me?

Spareparts Joque Harness

Its cool that you brought up porn, because if you mix that with “hey, I had this dream that such and such happened, and it was arousing… I mean… if I had a real cock, that’s pretty much what we’re doing” … which could work in your situation.

But, there are people, possibly your boyfriend, who don’t follow female pegging to a she-male experience. They’ve fetishized the strap-on itself, what it is, and who exactly is wearing it.

Find out why he enjoys being pegged, instead of just you holding a prostate specific toy and prodding his prostate with it. This part of the conversation can easily lead into your fantasy since you’re being so honest with each other. It is a good idea to have this conversation before you bring up checking out your local gay bar for a hot threesome with a she-male because it is a good idea to find out where he is at first.

He could just enjoy that it is you with the power and the feeling of the pegging… but… he could also be hiding that he is into she-males and you’re doing an ok job at the fantasy.

Thing is, since you’ve started pegging him, you’ve had your own fantasies so it isn’t just about him… so going back to what I said in the beginning… ease it to him using porn/dream that you stumbled upon/had while sleeping.  It takes the edge off being in the spot light. Its not a far leap from one idea to this one, and he should be able to follow it. I don’t see any freak outs happening if you strike at the right opportunity.

You know him better than I do, you’ll know when you have your moment… just don’t be chicken, and take it! Talking about fantasies should be a fun part of any relationship and can bring couples closer if done respectfully.

I’m trying to have safe Oral (the boyfriend has herpes, I dont) but no one seems to be talking about tips for sucking a guy off with a condom. Got any advice? Should I also avoid any mouth action on the balls to be safe or can I go there? He has no sores.

Your sex lives aren’t over.

Avoid skin to skin contact surrounding times of an outbreak and during outbreaks because herpes is contagious. It can be passed during any outbreak including cold sores or genital sores. It can also be passed during viral shedding.

During an outbreak: Avoid any type of oral, I’m finding it “can be passed from genital to mouth” but it isn’t common.  Wait till it passes, consider doubling up on meds (preventative) and avoid skin to skin contact.

As for BJ tips with a condom…

Try using non-lubricated or flavored condoms.

Add some lube, just a couple drops, inside the condom before he/you rolls it down. It’ll create a cushion of feeling between him and the condom.

Make sure your hands are lubricated (you can use any of the flavored lubes as long as they aren’t oil based) and your mouth doesn’t go dry to help the stroking motion.

After that, give him the BJ of his life. If he likes them loud and sloppy… then go at it. He likes them slow and sensual… then do that. Give him eye contact, if he likes it. Oral and sex feel totally different from each other, and guys don’t feel as much through a condom, but one thing that makes both acts enjoyable is YOUR want to do them.

Your enthusiasm. Don’t fake it and be porn-y… but rev yourself up, let him know how much you really want him. THAT is a turn on, THAT will get him off, even if his dick isn’t as sensitive because of the condom.

There’s a mind over matter thing he’ll have to get over, condoms aren’t the sexiest thing in the world… but they’re worth the safety (and the blow job)!

My wife and I have been poly as long as we’ve been together. She wants us to go mono but I cant. How can I explain in a way she will understand I don’t know how to change this part of me?

You’ll have to tell her, just like that. You love her dearly, but being poly is a part of you she loved in the beginning and if she wants to be with you still, she’ll have to accept.  Just like all the things that make her, her, that you accept with the package.

There is a lot of talk around poly relationships and that they are just a phase, that they don’t work long term.

This is true for the majority of people.  There is a reason why Poly and Swinging is a sub-culture and not commonplace. Most don’t have the heart or skills to make it work long term.  Jealousy gets in the way and the “shiny” effect that new relationships have on a previous or primary one doesn’t help subdue it.

But there are other who make Poly work wonderfully.

For those who are truly Poly, life is just as hard filling the gaps of lost lovers, because the hardest thing to do is let someone go who isn’t fit for the lifestyle… despite how hard they loved it and tried it at one point in their life.  You’ll meet more like her, or, you’ll meet her in the middle somehow.

Talk to her about it, find out why she wants to go Mono.  Does she want to settle down, is it time for kids and she doesn’t think she can being Poly? Good ol’ religious guilt eating at her? After a few years of Mono, I’ve heard people reminisce and miss being Poly as well.  Maybe this is a phase you can pass through together.

Poly isn’t just about sex, sex is the easy part of it all. The relationships, making time, etc… it is hard work.

As you know, communication is key to make any relationship work, especially a Poly relationship. Have a dialogue with her, get to the root of the issue. There isn’t an off switch she just hit suddenly… there must be a reason why.  Find it, and work through it. If in the end you have to let one another go, don’t let it get ugly.  What you had was beautiful, it was just time to let her go so she can fulfill her other hopes and dreams in life.  Be happy that you both found each other when you did so you can open each other  up to different life experiences.

No matter which way it goes, good luck. I know these conversations aren’t easy to have.

Hey I got a question , When i have sex i cum with in a minute . but i can stay hard after .. Is this a turn off for girls . Am i better off asking for a blow job and telling her to make me cum so i can last longer durning sex ? also is there something wrong with me or is it normal to cum fast?

I’m going to make a crack at bad parenting for a second, or ya know what? This could also be because you haven’t asked any guy friends. It was covered in There’s Something About Mary. But never mind that.

Ever hear the expression “Never go out with a loaded gun”?

No?

It mean’s masturbate before you go out to meet someone.

If it makes you feel better to have her not know about the first hurdle you have to jump so you can last longer in bed, then rub one out before you get to her. Everyone’s body is different, and you’re certainly not the only guy out there who after he gets that first pop out of the way, he can last for days.  You’re normal, it is a mind over matter issue.

You can train your body not to do it, but, I always thought the idea of more oral sex, or a guy’s ability to get off at least twice in a session was cool. “Normally” or I should say “Socially” you guys are stigmatized to only getting one orgasm.

What the hell is that?

Sex should be like a road trip, not a dash in the rain.

I always say “the more the merrier”, and if your partner doesn’t see it that way, enlighten her.  You guys derive such pleasure from getting your partner’s off, why not give into it once in a while and get spoiled too?  Work it INTO your sex “routine” instead of making it a big deal.

When you’re with someone new, tell her it has been a while (because you’re picky of course) and you didn’t want to assume you were having sex that night so the first one will come quick, but after that she better not have work in the morning.  You come off as a non presumptuous honest guy, we like that.

How do I tell my girl, I am Bi?

If I was a guy (and I assume you are, because it is easier for a woman to say “hey I’m bi” to their boyfriend and have the relationship be okay) I would start with anal play with my girlfriend first.

After or If she is comfortable with HER doing it…

It isn’t a far jump to come out to her gently, and say that since you started being intimate and having her penetrate you, you’ve had thoughts of threesomes but with another guy for her and you because toys are toys.

She can either love the idea and be happy about having two men to experience without you being jealous. Or, she could feel tricked and replaced because you’re “gay” and you’re going to break up with her because you “don’t like women”.

Depending on her thoughts about the GLBT, and how she was raised, or how she feels about being something other than straight… it could go better than you think. Gender preferences are quite fluid as time is passing and for some people to “come out” it isn’t a surprise to their loved ones.

Start slow, and use language that says “both” and not just “gay”.  Tell her you love her (if you mean it of course) and her body, and women, and pussy, and boobs etc… and since she has been so great and understanding, and etc that you want to tell her a secret. That since you trust her, and want to be with her (that is, if you want to stay with her) that you want to experiment with her.  If you make it about the relationship and the both of you, its difficult for her to bite back at you and say “you don’t love me, you’re gay, thanks for using me” and those other hurtful things that could be said.

You can also start by asking her if she has had thoughts about other women, and say that women are different from men down to their plumbing (genitals). That if she liked women, you couldn’t do that for her.  You don’t have a vagina or boobs, and therefore can’t compare to what sort of sex she could have with a woman.  A guy being bi, is the same thing.  She can mimic and you can buy toys, but it just isn’t the same.

You know your girlfriend better than I do, and I’d like you to be true to yourself.  People who hide their sexual preferences throughout their lifetime end up unhappy.  It happens for people who like BDSM and don’t know how to express it, it happens in the GLBT, it happens to foot fetishists, so know with what you’re feeling, you aren’t alone.

It is like saying “I would have rather loved, than never at all”.  You should be accepted for who you are, and be able to be yourself. Sometimes it hurts a few people momentarily when they get “the news” but your happiness should be what counts in the end…hopefully she’ll come around to understanding that.  If the table was turned, she would hope the same of you for her.

Queening is an exaggerated version of face sitting. Face sitting, is exactly how it sounds.  Oral sex as someone “sits on your face”.  Queening is usually used as a BDSM term.  It is a mix of face sitting + ass worshiping + a dominant woman making you service/lick/adore/get smothered in her vagina/ass.

There are pieces of furniture specifically built for queening, more often they are simply called thrones or smother boxes.  Smothering is taking Queening a step further, but they often hold hands as sexual practices.